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Its finally here. The youngest is 18, and she graduated a couple weeks ago.
We've been 50/50 custody, and week on/week off with the kids, all along. So we have had just as much time and effort with them as their mom. Also, we are a little better off than her, financially, so we end up paying for most of the extras. I don't care about that, for the reason you'd think. As a former child of divorce, myself, I want them to live comfortably no matter who they're with, not living in poverty with her, then coming here to a markedly different level of comfort.
The other day, I was thinking about something DH said to me several years ago:
"I don't think you're able to handle being a stepmother -- being married to someone with a child that isn't yours."
That was in the days when he was more hung up on the happy family vision -- one he finally dropped.
For some reason, it popped back into my head. The truth is for me (and probably many of you), it's not that I can't handle being a step. It's that DH couldn't handle being married to someone who isn't his child's mother.
So my wife met up with her son this weekend. I wish I had good news on the relationship but I unfortunately don't.
My wife told me he aired out alot of stuff he was holding in. She told me about how the entire conversation went down.
So last week I posted my first blog entry asking for help becuase my SO and I caught his 15 year old son throwing our cat on camera and calling her a B****. This was a few months after he was caught on camera at his moms house abusing his 3 cats before she passed. I did end up taking our cat Midnight to my moms house and she has been adjusting well and has a lot more room and a better view. So i feel relived she is in a safe space and I no longer have to worry about him trying anything again.
UPDATE - DH aka MA got notification that SD has ANOTHER package arriving here. (SD has crap sent here since we live in a house and not a condo with communial mailboxes). SMH.....
MMM..in the ever evolving saga of SD....in this episode we find DH realizing that SD could shop for herself but couldn't shop for him.
****Wait for my suprised face*****
So..Sd on the Saturday before Father's day went to the mall and bought makeup and clothes for herself. Nothing for dear old Dad..aka Daddy Warbucks to her.
UPDATE: ***Just rented out the unit to a 30 something out of state professional who works remotely. In NYS, you aren't allowed to say "no Section 8" but every S8 applicant I've had failed the previous landlord reference requirement--seems they've all been terrible tenants in the past.
Five steps forward; two steps back. How quickly things change. We've been on the right path for a while now, and the last 6 months have been particularly good.
SS and I got along when he was a teenager. He had his issues, but he wasn't going along with the PAS program the way his sister was, and he'd apologize when his behavior occasionally slipped into the "us vs. them" BM rule. He had even told me at one point that he felt his sister's behavior was extremely unhealthy. We know he had some issues with his mother.
It has been a wild first half of the year. Too much to get in one cohesive post. SO was back in court in early May - filed a new motion for contempt which sent the BM off. In the six weeks or so between the court dates, she scheduled, canceled and rescheduled all kinds of appointments for SD without telling my SO (who was obtaining the information himself, showing up for the appointments expecting her to be there only to find out BM canceled the appointments w/o notifying him - he lives an hour away), she took took SD off her antidepressant w/o consulting SO, and was late getting the kid
Because oh what a difference a day makes. Or in this case, half a day.
I honestly am at the end of my rope with this situation. DH was going to file for an emergency custody change giving Crazy full custody. He consulted his previous (now retired) lawyer and was going to call the new referral.
SD left in the middle of the night 1.5years ago. Didn't speak to father for 7 months. Now in May has all of a sudden started coming around. I am on complete edge. He has been desperate for her to be back in his life. I am struggling with his expectations of me after a lot of difficult circumstances and what I feel is very disrespectful and mean behaviour toward her father and myself. There are so many details to explain but the bottom line is I don't know if I can accept her the way he wants me to. I am struggling to not view her behaviour as manipulative.
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