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MorningMia's Blog

Free from the burden of social media

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I bring this up because SS recently asked DH why I wasn't on Facebook anymore.

I mentioned here before that I connected with the skids via social media a very long time ago initially out of expectation that we would all get along just fine. When problems (quickly) arose, I stayed connected because we knew we were being lied to (a real dilemma...that wasn't my job, yet the intel was useful although frustrating/maddening).

I need strength

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On Thanksgiving morning, of course (following the ancient BM family pattern of "Look at me" on holidays), SD called DH and told him that her adopted adolescent daughter (who is the sister of step-son-in-law) is in the hospital because she tried to commit suicide. 

A big blow up had occurred the weekend before and that is when it happened (so why didn't SD tell him on another day?) 

DH's phone call from Skidhell

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He drove several hours and rented an Airbnb to see the skids. He said this was his last visit. These visits, ranging from 2 - 4 times a year, cost him over $1000 a pop, even more when he flies. 

He called me last night with the usual skid-visit distraught-sounding voice, maybe a little worse this time. He really enjoyed seeing the grands and getting to know them better (he had never met the youngest). SD invited him back to her house Saturday afternoon to hang out for several hours and have dinner, and he had been looking forward to that. SS was going to be there, too. 

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That Glazed-Over Look

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It’s the look the skids (SD much more than SS) always had whenever I mentioned anyone in my family, when any of my friends or family (who were always extremely kind to them, by the way) were around, when I said anything about my job or other activities, when I pointed out where I worked as we drove by. Glazed-over eyes and no comments.

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Finances

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I know finances can be an issue in the healthiest of relationships/families, but in dysfunctional step-families, they fuel a bona fide s-show. One early red flag was after BM learned we were dating: Suddenly, the "needs" ($) of the skids ramped up (DH mentioned this to me with a bewildered look on his face). It was unusual that yet another laptop or iPad had broken and needed replaced; iPods had to purchased; new cell phones were needed; there were camps to attend; professional photograph sittings*; etc. BM did not have a good job and complained of struggling.

Imagine being a poopsieberry who needs to come home to mommy for your 36th birthday

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Am I crazy? My god, my parents were not perfect but they did encourage independence. By 36, I owned a house and a mountain cabin and had a fulfilling life outside of my parents. Although I continued my relationships with them and their partners, I didn't feel the need for them to pamper me during holidays. 

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