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DH's phone call from Skidhell

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Submitted by MorningMia on Sun, 11/17/2024 - 9:26am

He drove several hours and rented an Airbnb to see the skids. He said this was his last visit. These visits, ranging from 2 - 4 times a year, cost him over $1000 a pop, even more when he flies. 

He called me last night with the usual skid-visit distraught-sounding voice, maybe a little worse this time. He really enjoyed seeing the grands and getting to know them better (he had never met the youngest). SD invited him back to her house Saturday afternoon to hang out for several hours and have dinner, and he had been looking forward to that. SS was going to be there, too. 

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That Glazed-Over Look

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Submitted by MorningMia on Fri, 10/25/2024 - 10:58am

It’s the look the skids (SD much more than SS) always had whenever I mentioned anyone in my family, when any of my friends or family (who were always extremely kind to them, by the way) were around, when I said anything about my job or other activities, when I pointed out where I worked as we drove by. Glazed-over eyes and no comments.

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Finances

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Submitted by MorningMia on Sun, 10/20/2024 - 8:55am

I know finances can be an issue in the healthiest of relationships/families, but in dysfunctional step-families, they fuel a bona fide s-show. One early red flag was after BM learned we were dating: Suddenly, the "needs" ($) of the skids ramped up (DH mentioned this to me with a bewildered look on his face). It was unusual that yet another laptop or iPad had broken and needed replaced; iPods had to purchased; new cell phones were needed; there were camps to attend; professional photograph sittings*; etc. BM did not have a good job and complained of struggling.

Imagine being a poopsieberry who needs to come home to mommy for your 36th birthday

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Submitted by MorningMia on Wed, 09/11/2024 - 6:24pm

Am I crazy? My god, my parents were not perfect but they did encourage independence. By 36, I owned a house and a mountain cabin and had a fulfilling life outside of my parents. Although I continued my relationships with them and their partners, I didn't feel the need for them to pamper me during holidays. 

The Pros & Cons of Social Media

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Submitted by MorningMia on Thu, 08/01/2024 - 10:13am

At the beginning of the step saga, I used social media as you're "supposed" to--to be friends with the skids and keep up on what was going on with them. When drama started, I used it to keep up on what was being kept secret from DH. He was being told one story (waaaaa. . . no moneyyyyyy), but there was a very different story displayed on social media (excessive spending). Social media was useful for revealing the incredible number of lies we were told through the years. In one way: why was that my job? In another way: how else would we have known any of the truth? Was it worth it?

Mental disengagement & SS

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Submitted by MorningMia on Wed, 06/19/2024 - 10:12am

Five steps forward; two steps back. How quickly things change. We've been on the right path for a while now, and the last 6 months have been particularly good.  

SS and I got along when he was a teenager. He had his issues, but he wasn't going along with the PAS program the way his sister was, and he'd apologize when his behavior occasionally slipped into the "us vs. them" BM rule. He had even told me at one point that he felt his sister's behavior was extremely unhealthy. We know he had some issues with his mother. 

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