I know.. right!  But.. she was trying to do the right thing by getting married when she got pregnant.. and she was even planning on leaving right before she got preg the 2nd time (swears was on BCP..so who knows).. and has said she is going to go crazy if she has to stay.

I don't know.. I think she talks in circles a bit.. claims she has nothing.. no friends.. can't stand the situation.. yet.. talks about friends she has.. and we see her posts going places with people.  Claims  her DH is a jerk who spends all his time with friends.. in another breath she is talking about her making him do 50% with the kids and house..  She truly feels that the only way a woman can get into a house is by getting married to a guy.. despite the fact that she saw me owning my own home prior to meeting her dad.. 

I personally feel her own selfishness is part of their problem.. and that she has always been kind of an "off" person that doesn't seem to have a lot of capacity to have love or compassion for anyone but herself.  She and her DH seem to both be kind of inadequate at taking care of themselves too.. she claimes so much in their house is broken.. like the dishwasher.. and the toilets run all the time and that the hot water heater doesn't produce much HW.  When all of those things should be reasonably fixable by pretty much anyone with some amount of initiative.. I mean.. clearly the brand new home's water heater is just set too low.. the hot water is never hot.. just warm.. etc.. and the new well probably clogged the apperatus in the toilet.. so why hasn't her DH tried to replace it.. shoot.. I've replaced toilet works before.. it's not that technical....and he does a lot of mechanical and electrical stuff so it feels like pure laziness on their part that they live like that.

She works a low level govt job.. looking to that "early retirement".. and doesn't want to try to do any  more for herself.. her younger sister makes over 2x what she does!

The problem now is she has two young kids.. 3 and 6.. the three year old is not potty trained by the way.. claims he has no reason why other than they don't have time to deal with it. (lazy).She and her stbEX work full time jobs.. and I don't know what she thinks the rest of the world does.. it's not like I don't have things in my house that could use fixing that we all deal with.. or that we don't have friends to hang with all the time.. or hobbies or time for hobbies???   I mean.. her complaints seem to go full circle.. but she doesn't love her DH.. so it seems pointless to try to go to counseling.. which they have tried.. but neither of them can admit they are part of the problem.. so again.. no point.

Don't get me wrong.. I do get on with her ok.. but I'm not thrilled with the idea that she gets a soft landing when she has done little to put herself in that position.  and.. not super stoked about two little kids being around more.. I am not a huge kid person.. haha.  

There are no real trailer parks either near us.. it would be buy a lot or our place.. and unfortunately.. the cheapest lots would have put her out of budget for anythign.  She may be getting some settlement from the house they built.. but not sure how/when he will be able to pay.. since I'm sure he will want to avoid selling it. and I actually think she will not want him to either for her kid's sake.

I am trying to give her some pointers.. like don't just take 5050 or agree to less CS than the calculation provides.. also.. that she should get a custody plan and they should follow it vs being super whatever and flexible.. since that may work now.. but going forward if either or both of them end up with new partners.. as we know.. that becomes super difficult.

We were hoping to put her on a piece that would have been a lot more out of our way.. but unfortunately.. my DH thought we were buying a couple extra acres that the owner said included a trailer with well/septic.. but I figured out it was not on the land we just bought for this purpose.. so it was kind of a back to the drawing board thing.. and we are going to put her in an open place near a storage building my dH built on the land.. which is not too near where we plan to build on the other side of the 25 acre property.. and we have another road in where we would not need to go through there.. but need to put gravel in it and do some more work to make it really drivable for non-4wd.  But.. you know kids.. they will be all over.. though hopefully they can learn some boundaries and I will just have to be fairly firm with my DH that he is free to go see them when he wants.. but he won't be hosting at our place.. lol... which he does pretty much understand my feelings.

I do feel bad for her.. even though it is somewhat due to her own making.. but we try to help family if we can.. and we are not giving her the land.. just allowing it to be used.. and the home could be moved in the future.. or we could buy it from her and rent it I guess too.

But.. yeah.. he may need to have a bit of a discussion with her on being mindful that we want our own privacy there as well.

There is zero chance of my DH pulling any big money out for her.. he has actually not been working full time for the last few years due to a variety of reasons.. so we are more living on my salary.. so he really doesn't have the resources to do a big bail out for her.

And.. she should be getting something from the home they built after they got married.. but who knows when that will happen.. and her current situation just isn't workable long term.. her STBX has moved across the street with his parents.. but is over all the time.. she really needs to make a cleaner break.. His family has also interferred a lot with them.. so she really does need to be somewhere else.. and there are no short term rentals that are workable for her.

And.. yes.. as typical entitlement.. she "needs" a 3 br since she has two boys.. etc.. our land really is the most logical and most cost effective.

Unfortunately.. she doesn't have significant savings.. and is not the most world savvy person.. she didn't even realize she would need a check to put the deposit down on the home.. so guess who had to pull hers out and write a 2,500 dollar check?  Me.. (of course I did transfer funds to my acct from my husband's savings..hehehe).  she thought she could put it on a card... again.. I don't actually think she is scheming.. just clueless unfortunately.  She just has weird world views.. wanting to use guys for money and stuff.. thinking that her little state job with meager retirement is better than getting a good paying job... basically throwing her hands up over potty training her 3 yo.. because "she has only like 8 hours a week" with him.. I'm like.. ummmm you have weekends too right.. it's just easier to throw him in diapers than work on it.. smdh.  In a lot of ways she is just like her mom. sad but true.  I wish it were her younger sister who was moving there.. at least she is fun!

"as smooth as step life can be"... Indeed.

I mean.. It was MY idea for her to have a place on our actually "near" our property... I knew our neighbor supposedly owned property next to ours.. and he was selling it to us cheap.. I mean $5K for 2.5 acres and it wouldn't have been as obvious she was there since it was on a wooded piece on the front road vs the side road where our current way in is... but sigh... we sort of went on what the neighbor said about what they owned.. and they were incorrect.. so we now own 2.5 more acres than we did.. but not going to work since I don't think it would easily perk for a conventional septic there.. and it was going to be further to run water from our existing water well access. so the cheaper and easier option is to let her put something near the other road in a field where I used to keep a horse.. it is flat.. open and should perk fine since another perk site worked already on the adjoining lot we own and plan to put a house on someday. (I was going to be danged if she was going to put her place on the lot near the water.. lol..).  so she just has water views now.. and if we ever have to subdivide the property we can do that  probably without a lot of problems and let her have a couple acres there.. "non-waterfront" land.. I mean.. we own almost 28 acres.. so it's not like she is just 20 feet from us.. 

The other slight worry is she will have her mother over to her house and there is NO WAY my DH will stand for his EX to be on our land and hanging out there.. it is a non-starter.. and he says he has already told her that!

again.. it's one of those things where parents want to help their kids out of bad situations.. and it's a bit generous of me.. but I know she needs the help.. but there is a small bit of resentment that property we worked hard to buy she kind of gets the benefit of.. in fact more than me because we haven't been able to afford to build there ourselves yet. (though we did just pay it off within 5 years.. so hopefully we can build on it ourselves in the next couple of years... several acres away from her site.. lol)

I think we need to put a "buy out" clause for the double wide that if she wants to move she can either move the house to another lot.. or we could buy it from her for some set amount.. She is adamant she doesn't want a relationship again... (other than perhaps getting stupid men to give her stuff?... idk).  Unfortunately.. barring her getting together with someone.. there really isn't much getting on her feet in her future.. she has little prospect of making enough money to make that happen at her govt job.. and with two kids.. she doesn't really have much extra time to go to school or do a 2nd job really.. so I doubt that will happen either... (yeah.. I know it could.. but probably won't).

The reality is that it IS a large piece of property.. and maybe my DH could build them a little dock on some land closer to their site.. and that might keep them more on that side of the property... we also have a 2nd road cut through the woods from the main road (our land has frontage on a main and a 2nd road).. so we would not be going by her place all the time.  We were planning to work on getting that more straight soon since there are neighbors on that side where she will be.. and it's nice to not always have people know when you are coming and going..lol.  

But.. yeah.. on over 28 acres.. there should be plenty of room so we don't get all on top of each other..lol... but I am going to stress to my DH that he needs to do most of his family time at their place.. not ours..lol.  I have no problem if he wants to see the grandkids etc.. but I'm not interested in being gammy... !

But.. you are right.. it's likely she will meet someone.. hopefully not some loser looking to use her for a place to stay.. I guess if things get to a point.. I can tell my husband that she ether needs to start paying some "lot rent".. or who knows.. maybe one of us comes into some money.. I can suggest relocating the home to a lot she actually owns.. elsewhere!

I mean.. she is polite to me.. and is thankful we are helping her.. and my husband is appreciative.. and it IS the best option.. but I just wish it were her sister needing the land.. haha.

I am hopeful... really am.  and I think we will be in a position at some point to "help" her move on (I am expecting to come into some money in the next few years is the reality).. so hopefully it won't be forever.. and it's all possible she will want to move on herself.. she is only 29.. and very pretty.. I don't think she is going to lack men who will be interested in her despite the two kids..lol.  

I may ask my DH what he thinks about some land lease.. I was already thinking about some buy out option on the house anyway.. we could use it for rental.. or guest  house in the future ourselves.

And.. my DH is a supportive person to me too.. and he doesn't have 100% rose colored glasses regarding his daughter.. so we may be able to come up with some sort of agreement that works for everyone.

I agree this is is a good idea.. and my DH agrees too.  We have to lood forward to a time when she might have a new BF.. or if her mom tries to horn in and live for free.. on our land.. nope.  

In a way.. it's good that the home will be potentially relocatable.. so if/when she has more options.. it at least isn't so permanent.

To be fair.. it isn't exactly rent free..lol... she will have a payment on the home.  She is also going to be paying for site improvements..but I agree with others.. we need to put some guard rails on this as to what she is exactly renting/using from us... and not allow people to move in without our express permission.  etc..  I have broached the subject of a lease with my DH and he is 100% on board with that.. if only to prevent her moving her mom in.. (his ex..).. haha.

Rags.. I totally agree on many levels that people should learn a lesson that output equals results.  

Unfortunately, in our area.. rentals are few and far between.. you are either living pretty much in a place with a lot of petty crime and drug use.. or you live in a nice but expensive area.. our land is in the "nice" all the apartments would be considered in the less desirable spaces and not many places have a 3 br apt which is what everyone thinks they need for her and the 2 boys (I have gone blue saying that sharing a room for two kids under 10 is not a big deal)... and homes for rent are either total crap dilapidated trailers.. or nice homes.. so either way above.. or below... her needs.

And.. I do get that my DH is trying to protect his grandkids from the consequences of their parent's poor decisions. Just because mom has not pushed to achieve more potential.. he doesn't want them in an unsafe environment.. and we aren't talking about putting her up in the lap of luxury for free.. it is going to be a doublewide that she is buying and paying for.. all we are doing is allowing no "lot rent" on our land.. and yeahhhhh one might say.. how much land do you need.. you have 25 acres!  lots of people are lucky to have a 1/4 acre!

So.. am I a bit selfish? sure.. maybe.. I mean.. I did pay for the land.. (so did my DH).. do I love hanging out with his older daughter? um.. no.. I've said it before.. we get along ok.. but she is not exactly my type of person.. when she was a minor.. she was the kid that was more difficult.. she had a few issues on some trips we took.. that pissed me off at the time.. and she is the one with the look down your nose attitude at others who aren't thin enough.. or pretty enough for her standards..  and she isn't in the best control of her kids.. the younger at 3 yo is still not potty trained.. I mean.. she kind of tries.. but not consistently.  so.. I don't forsee family BBQ's on sunday afternoons.. and if my DH tries to pull that crap.. he will find himself wifeless... lol