No. I never got to the point in which I felt I didn't love dh. I did get to the point in which I felt I may have to end my marriage. And I went through some serious crap-everything from my ss15 pretending to have hallucinations telling him to murder my son, to him crawling up next to my daughter while she was asleep and pressing up against her, to him stealing my and my daughter's panties repeatedly. On top of that he was agreesive, defiant, disrespectful, using drugs, failing school. He has lived elsewhere for most of the last 5 years, but did spend 4 months with us about 2 years ago. I did have to go to dh about 18 months ago and tell him that essentially the kid would have to go or they both did. The kid went.

But I do remember being where you are-the things I mention above where the highlights-when this stuff was not going on-and things were "calm"-it was still just the daily atmosphere of negativity-and this since the kid was 6. He was always angry, always unhappy and always pretty much blamed that on me or my children. My dh honestly could not understand WHY a little kid would dislike someone else who he had certainly witness be so good to him. He felt there MUST be something I was doing to at least add to this problem. I questioned myself for a long time-In the early years. Was I perhaps being harsher with him than my own kids? Did I deep down inside truly not like this kid and he could perceive it? Nah. It wasn't any of those things, but I worked my arse off years to love and care for this kid to literally receive nothing back in return but a big bunch of shit. I was angry, angry for many years that my dh did not step in and do something about the massive problems this kid had, but instead spent his time trying to place blame on others.

As he grew older-and just over time-he really began to see that this kid had some big problems that had nothing to do with me. At school, with his mom, with him, with life in general. I totally backed off and disengaged, so I couldn't be blamed for handling something wrong, punishing him harshly, or whatnot. I was polite and cordial to him as I would be to anyone else that happened to be in my home. But I didn't take care of him, pick up after him, discipline him, or hang out with him. All "family" events stopped when he was around 12. I wouldn't even go out to dinner with the kid. I didn't make it obvious or an issue-I didn't say things like-"your kid is an asshole-Im not being around him!"-Instead I just declined all invites of activities that included ss. I was proactive and made other plans when he was here. I spent a lot of time in my bedroom, napping, and just not feeling real well wbehen ss was here. But again when I did come across him I strived to be cordial. I also encouraged my kids to be with friends and such on those weekends. My dh was left to deal with ALL of dh's behavioral issues, dirty laundry, destructiveness all by himself. The only time I intervened is when he missed with me kids.

Eventually, finally, my dh got it. way too late to assist ss who is now in detention on some pretty serious charges, but he did get it in time to save our marriage. I have forgiven him for having his head in the sand for years-I don't believe he did anything out of anger or spite toward me, but rather out of his love and commitment to being a father and his just general ignorance on how to fix things. And granted my ss is a very difficult extreme kid.

I don't know that I have any advice for you. Just know that there others that have dealt with similar things.

DH sometimes is supportive and understanding.. but the times he accuses me of hating them and tells me it's my fault.. and I need to kill them with kindness and love..The times he is on their side and making me feel like it is my duty to get them to love me...

I could have written this word for word. I am so sick of my DH badgering me about my "relationship" (or lack thereof) with SD15. You can't force a person to like someone. I don't like SD15.. there are many reasons. I refuse to put her on a pedastal like DH does and treat her like she is some Queen Bee that we should all bow down to because she is a "nice girl" Sorry, but "nice" girls don't manipulate, lie, and steal things. "Nice" girls don't let their father who is feeling like crap sit in the car while she and her friends go have dinner at the Olive Garden. I refuse to put her on a pedastal because her BM sucks and "SD doesn't know any better" Dude! Now is the time to TEACH her better instead of just excusing her craptastic behavior. But nope, DH would rather be her little bitch and clean up her room FOR her, make excuses FOR her. Whatever.

classic example. When I said something to DH about how rude that was of SD and her friends to go and have dinner while DH sat and slept in the car because he didn't feel good. DH says in one breath "Well they didn't KNOW that I was feeling terrible, I tried to put on a happy face" Then in the next breath he says "Well, SD thanked me for taking her and her friends shopping and to dinner when she knew I didn't feel good." WTF DH. Just stop. You make yourself sound like an idiot. But he has drank the SD15 Koolaid and at this moment the girl can do NO wrong.

Do these men think that this crap is going to endear us to their kids? I know it does not work for me, if anything it makes me want to run far, far away from them.

Your post makes me want to cry. I feel the same way and am going through the same crap. I will watch your post to find out what to do too.

Do you work, can you leave? Sounds like you are very unhappy in this marriage and you pretty much know that things aren't going to change. Get out! Get out for you and your daughter. Imagine how she feels coming to visit you in such a dysfunctional situation.

I would sit down with DH and explain you are sinking into a severe depression. After much soul searching you have worked out the cause is being not accepted or treated with respect by those around you. So this is your plan... in future you will speak up when people are rude to you. As much as you try to be polite and well mannered and not upset others (like a nice grown woman would)you are losing yourself and your love for others and life in this rather sad situation.

Also you will be making decisions in the future in the next 12 months about what direction you need to take to be happy. The ideal situation is to be full of life, to have a sad day here or there but mostly to enjoy talking to others at work and home, to trust others actually care about you and your life, to love others because really, you are a person who loves to love.

Unfortunately right now the situation in the home is very negative and hostile. Now this is not anyone's fault but obviously this is the way he wants to live his life and raise his children and you cannot buy into this kind of life. If he feels it is OK to allow his children to be rude to other adults let alone their SM then you have different positions on how to treat others. IS he wrong? Well let's just say he isn't on the same page as 99% of the world. I am sure there is a lost neanderthal tribe out there somewhere.

Lay it out, give him a chance to change. And if he doesn't, you have 12 months to plan your exit.

I described their "entitlement sessions" errr I mean "visitation" as being held hostage in your own home. They take over like sleeper cells.

His massive guilt parenting caused me to lose all respect for him. His double standard for my adult children who are productive and never caused him one second of grief was very evident (quite literally making stuff up to find fault with)

He then topped it off nicely by blaming me for the PAS out and got verbally (and sometimes physically) abusive with me over such. Right now he's nothing more than a roommate to me/aka hostile tenant. Why I don't kick him out is a very very very very very long story and complicated.