SS9 tosses and turns all night, walks in his sleep, talks in his sleep ... all of it. He sleeps for about 12 hours on Friday night into Saturday morning and still wakes up tired.
He also has ADHD.

http://www.webmd.com/add-adhd/guide/adhd-sleep-disorders

It is natural to emotionally distance oneself when in pain.

I did it to DH and he did it to me the last time we deployed and as a result, our marriage suffered.

This time, the children are older and know all about distance and detachment.
How on earth do I keep us "emotionally" connected? We will do the Skype thing and phone calls but at the end of the day, what happens when there is nothing to talk about and we have those awkward moments? Then what do I say?

Sometimes I get so spiteful I am disgusted at how low I can go. My mother always called it "killing with kindness." It has sort of been ingrained into me since I was like 5 years old.

I want to buy the ex wife/BM a gift for Christmas from me or from me and DH ... to appear like I am a kind woman and hold no grudges, all the while doing it for some weird satisfaction that I was "able to rise above" her and her stupidity. But that is so horrible isn't it? I should do it because I like to give and feel wonderful inside when I can help someone? ICK!!! Bah humbug to any of it.

Ugh. I am annoyed with myself and this supposed "Holiday Spirit" or whatever it is that makes me less spiteful, more helpful and genuinely more forgiving. I suppose one might think it is religion but honestly, I am just agnostic, not Christian or anything identifiable.

I am annoyed not because I sent BM a Christmas card but that is not because I wanted to be kind - that was sort of spiteful ... I put her boyfriend's last name as her last name on it ... Well? SHE should change her name. I married a butthead and am a SM so I have earned the right to change my name to his.