Today I was told I cannot deploy due to the medication that I am on. It is an antidepressant and I have been on it for almost a year. Although I love and adore my family, this hurt the core of my pride. If I can't deploy, then why stay in the military?

I don't know if anyone really followed the Fort Hood shooting but MAJ Hassan is a psychologist. It is hard for Soldiers to ask for mental health assistance and it is even harder to find the guts to ask for medication because since day one, we know it makes it harder to deploy etc. When MAJ Hassan shot all those people, it caused a ripple effect military wide - Navy, Army, Air Force, and Marines - service members shied away from behavioral health. After all, it is pretty hard to trust those that are "supposed to help" you. I don't know about the other services but the Army launched a month long campaign and put a message out to providers in December 2009 (month after the shooting) to continue to seek help, regardless of that crazy fool.

So. I sought help for the overwhelming depression I felt about being a stepmom. Even after months of therapy, the therapist suggested I try a mild dose of Prozac. I didn't feel anything until about a month after taking it - apparently my hormones cause a chemical imbalance each month? Anyway, I am grateful that I was encouraged to seek help because I THOUGHT I could deploy if I sought help long enough before deployment that nobody would notice but NOW???

Now it is regrettable. Sort of.

Just venting sadness.