I've read hundreds of post and replies and I've come to the basic conclusion that this is tough. It is not easy. I have been involved with my partner of 3 years and her son who is 16. My initial thoughts were positive, I was welcoming, kind and loving. Open to the idea of step parenting her son. We live together and share equal finanical responsabilities. I have stepped up and stepped in- DR appts, Dentist appts, school activies, ect. I have been very patient. Setting proper expectations; pass classes, turn in home work, do chores, respect elders and we are golden. The kid is lazy. He has a ton of potential, but my partner is litterally holding him by the hand, asking about missing school assignments and I am like- quit babying him. He is 16 years old. He needs to be responsible for his shit. period. so there are repercussions. 

side note. during christmas we had family visiting. We were all out at the bowling alley and he had the worst attitude. After a few minutes of digging and trying to understand what was going on with him. I basically told him he was ungrateful and for him to stop acting like a little b**ch. well later that night he decided to throw a fire cracker down the toilet and blew the toilet up. I can agree that I half way deserved that because I was pretty direct and he retaliated. Anyhow, we took away PS4, IPHONE 8 and grounded him. 

side side note. he is doing laundry at 11 o clock at night. Thin walls in the house and it's pretty loud so doing laundry isn't ideal. The dryer is going off and waking us up. So i run over to the laundry room to open the dryer door. When I do so, some of his clothes fall on the floor. I look up and he is walking to the laundry room. So i ask him to take his clothes to his room and continue his laundry the next day. Later I go to the kitchen to find a bunch of my clothes scattered on the kitchen floor. This little ass threw my clothes on the floor. So I got to his room and ask him if he threw my clothes on the floor and he was like, "ya, you threw my clothes on the floor." I was furioius. Told him this wasn't a game, removed his tv from his room and told him that if this behaviour continues he can bet on the rest of his things going into the trash. 

I got on this forum bc I feel hopeless. My partner brushes off 90% of his shit as "he is a teenager". And I'm not so prone to giving him the out to be lazy, or a shit brick. My partner wants for me to take a few steps back and let her parent her son. We've considered moving seperately, and mataining a relationship. She is starting to take him to counseling beginning next week. I've come to the point where I can't stand him. I feel like we share equal responsibilities, yet  I stuggle to have him respect me. There is like zero reward and I think I may be in too far over my head. I do love my partner but I really don't need all the extra drama associated with SS. Is it wrong to ask her to take on more financial reponsibility, and I can back off of investing anymore time/energy and keep a safe distance. Any other methods to cope with 100% output and shit input?