Last week I SS16 get home from school, ask to go outside to play football. I reviewed his grades and missing assignments and asked him about a missing assignment that he swore he turned in. So I gave him the benefit of the doubt and let him go outside. Lo and behold his teacher emails me to inform me that the assignment has not been turned in. He stays after school yesterday, which SO and I have specifically told him not to, (he can catch the bus, otherwise we have to pick him up after work just so he can knock out with his friends.) My SO gets home and I told her about the situation. I consiously leave the house to grab dinner and give her a chance to address him. I told her to take his phone away as consequence to lying and failing his clasees. When I get home SS16 is asleep and SO is on the couch saying he doesn't feel so well and he had a bad day. And she did not take the phone away.

We have struggled greatly in the past bc she doesn't want to follow through with consequences to his unacceptable behaviour. Certainly a point of contingency. I asked her about it this morning and all i get is excuses as to why she, BM, didn't take the phone away. I"ve told SS16 many times that I am happy to go out of my way for him, but I can't justify doing so when he can't do something as simply as turn in homework assignments and pass his classes. My SO/BM clash. I'd like to think I am helping to raise a responsible, decent human being. She's rewarding shit behaviour and raising a man child. Am I over reacting? Is this going to be a constant struggle. If SO/BM can't comprehend consequence/reward, how is he ever going to grasp the idea? 

SO/BM did say she was planning on taking SS16 phone today. But i've told her numerous times that she needs to implement consequences when the situation happens, not later. SS16 won't completely understand why we are giving him consequences after the fact. I'm so frustrated.