Is This Manipulating BS?
This morning DW told SS12 that he had to clean his room. He wasn't happy about it, then BS7 offered to help. DW said that if he did that, then SS12 would help him with his room. So BS7 did help him at least get the dirty laundry off the floor and put some stuff away. Maybe half an hour. No biggie.
In the meanwhile, DW is cleaning away, and tells SD15 that she needs to help. SD15 yells that she has a lot of stuff to do and will do some of her laundry. DW told her that she needed to do more than that, and she did clean a little. Again, no biggie to me.
As the morning goes on, SD15 first chews out DW for not being careful with a coloring page that SD15 had left on the kitchen table the previous evening. (It was found undamaged.) She then chews out Dw for not taking her shopping for clothes for some extra-curricular activity. Also, DW may be going to BS12's wrestling instead of SD15's activity. Conversation ends with SD15 exclaiming, "No! That's it! I am done with you!" She just has a entitled attitude, and today was especially charming.
Anyway, when my laundry was done in the dryer, I took it out and told SD15 that she could put her clothes from the washer to the dryer. I then put more of my laundry in the washing machine. When SD15's 5 tiny pairs of jeans were done in the dryer, I again told her that it was time to move laundry. No I was not sugary sweet or "asking" her to do it either time. Just matter of factly letting her know that she needed to do it. Next thing I know, the is yelling at DW because I am so mean. So I walk in the laundry room, drop her jeans on the floor and move my laundry to the dryer. She didn't like that. After she picked them up and took them to her room, I went in and attempted to tell her that if she sometime comes to me when I am doing absolutely tells me that my clothes are dry and that she needs to use the dryer and I start crying to DW that she should feel free to put my laundry on the floor. She dropped about 10 f-bombs during that conversation, and I left, with her yelling behind me that nobody likes me anyway, just ask SS112. (As if I give a f#@$).
SS12 chimes in, but nothing major. When DW gets me alone, she said that I have been looking for a fight all morning. I mentioned how charming SD15 the CUNextTuesday has been, and I wasn't going to tiptoe around her. DW gets all indignant for me using the C-word, while SD15 cusses whenever she wants. I also mention that SS12 did NOT reciprocate in helping BD7 with his room. Big fat surprise, Whatever. BS7 will learn.
As I am getting dinner on the table, DW, SD15 and SS12 are getting ready to leave. I ask where they are going, and no one will tell me. They just leave with the roast and potatoes on the table. BD15, BS7, BD15's friend and I eat dinner. We then play a game and do some laundry and have a nice afternoon together.
DW and crew get back and take a bunch of goodies to the TV room to watch the Superbowl without saying anything to the rest of us. When BS& goes to sit with them, I tell him, "No, we were not invited." They all say,"Yes you are." I say, "No, you left without saying a word and returned without saying a word and are having a great "family time." BS& and I left. BS7 later tells me that HE had been informed by DW where they were going. She denied that, but she is lying. Out of all this stuff, the idea that she didn't tell me where she was going, DID tell BS7, and then lied to me about it is the thing that pisses me off the most. She can get between her ex and the skids, or me and the skids, but trying to get between me and BS7 is going to make things get ugly. I let her know that, in no uncertain terms. That is BULL SHIT!
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Comments
Yes, drama is a family trait.
Yes, drama is a family trait. I am starting to find it humorous that if sd15 or ss12 is really rubbing me the wrong way and I mention it, their reaction can almost guarantee that the three of them go shopping, out to eat, then back here for some family time in front of the tv. They all love BS7, who loves them in return and is too young to recognize what goes on. Hpwever, I frankly don't want him around the Disney dynamic when it is in full swing, as it invariably is when the skids are slighted in DW's eyes.
Not that two wrongs make a
Not that two wrongs make a right, but SD15 was cussing at OP (he stated about 15 Fbombs).
Quite frankly, DW cannot have it both ways. She cannot allow her kids to cuss and use bad language around the house and towards the OP without consequences and then get upset when he uses the same kind of language to describe the behavior.
OP's partner is giving the green light to SD15 to behave like one, so she can't complain if OP is calling her one.
Your DW is a liar and a shit
Your DW is a liar and a shit stirrer.
I'm beginning to wonder what you're getting out of this relationship.
Are you in marriage counseling? Or even personal counseling? Or maybe you and your bios in family counseling to deal with the undisciplined skids and unbalanced household.
Yes, the use of the word was
Yes, the use of the word was inappropriate, and I apologized for that. I told her that I have no problem with her leaving and taking the skids. That is her m.o. and I am not going to try to change it. I am mainly concerned with how this whole thing is going to affect BS7.
To clarify, DW is SM to BS7,
To clarify, DW is SM to BS7, not BM. I hadn't considered it until yesterday, but I suppose SM's can attempt to PAS their skids, if they choose. Also, BS7 did not hide from me where DW went. After she and skids left, we that remained just went about dinner and our afternoon as usual. No one really mentioned it, so I suppose that BS7 just thought everyone knew. No tension or anything, which I suppose is what happens after it gets done enough times.
Yes, I think sms could
Yes, I think sms could alienate their skids from their own bio parent if conditions are right. SD is very condescending and insulting toward her dad at times. This is partly due to her own scary personality and partly due to her BM. If I joined in and treated dh poorly or laughed with her when she is insulting him, I'm sure he would have an even worse time with her than if I didn't exist at all.
I agree don't use the c word about teen girls to their mothers (I understood you didn't say it to teen girl's face). But I also agree your wife's behavior is very troubling, not healthy, and you may wish to reconsider whether you want your children raised in this environment.
Yes, SW said that *I* was
Yes, SW said that *I* was looking for a fight, after SD15 had already yelled at her and chewed her out twice prior without me even addressing either of them either time. *I* was the one looking for a fight. I am the first to admit and already stated that I was in no mood to beg SD15 to do what needed to be done, and in fact SD15 stated that she was upset that I just TOLD her what needed to be done and simply walked away. I know her well enough to know that it upsets her to not be able to give her input regarding what is expected of her (especially in that mood), but by that point in the morning I was in no mood to listen to it. I wasn't mean or rude (her interpretation when her ass is not thoroughly clean from kissing), I was just matter of fact.
For the record ALL the
For the record ALL the cursing that happened in my exchange with SD15 came from SD15.
DW is not a nightmare, nor is
DW is not a nightmare, nor is living with her. She is responsible, smart, beautiful, loving and accepting. She is also insecure and very sensitive. She has been through two lengthy custody battles in which some very ugly things were said and done, and will bend over backwards to appease people. Her bios know and take advantage of tbat, and DW recognizes that they do. For example, SS12 and SD15 spend summers with biodad and treat DW horribly during that time. Last summer we took two long weekends with my BS7, BD15 and BS17. Both trips involved some long days, one at a Renaissance festival and amusement park, and one canoeing on the Boundary Waters. On both occasions DW mentioned how enjoyable things were and that if SS12 and SD15 were there that there would have been more shopping, complaining, bickering and overall unpleasantness. I didn't really say much, but I know it is true. My bios are FAR from perfect, but in that case she was definitely right. And the trips WERE a lot of fun. She is really good at that ki d of stuff. Better than I am, to be sure. She is not a nightmares at all, but when there is a conflict arises involving skids, rationale takes a back seat to protective, emotional, reactionary behavior.