If my dh ever told me he was spending the night at his ex wife's house for any reason, I'd smile and tell him to have a good time, then I'd promptly change the locks on our house.

Im usually pretty pro what ever is best for the kids... BUT this crosses Soooo many lines its ridiculous! Who abandons their wife on xmas, let alone to go sleep at the ex's house?!?! The fact that it didn't even occur to him for the TWO of you to stay in a hotel or at his parents home and join the children early xmas morning baffles me! Id be fuming!! Its great if DH gets along with his ex but this is definitely too close and probably just as unhealthy. Im stunned after 7 years this is how he decides to spend xmas?? i have know words to express what id do to my DH if he ever even hinted at doing something like this. BE MAD, BE VERY MAD, like HIDE everything of value in A storage locker b4 he gets back and call a lawyer MAD!

Do you have any idea how many exes sleep together again - at least once?

"but when my husband goes he stays sometimes the night at his exs with the children" WHHAATT???? No way in HELL would I be with a man who stayed in his XW's home instead of his own family!

Firstly, him leaving you on Christmas even though is kids were coming to stay is BS! What an inconsiderate A-Hole!

Secondly, him staying at the XW's home? It would be a cold day in hell before I was with a man who did this!

Thirdly, WHAT?

I'm sorry but none of this is okay on any planet. Just NO!

OK - so if he has FAMILY that lives close to the ex, why in holy HELL would he consider it even an OPTION to stay at the EX's house????????????

Something fishy going on here.

Yeah pretty sure if SO ever said he was staying at the ex's I'd tell him to pack everything he wanted to keep cause I'd be pulling a "how Stella go her groove back" when he left, then change the locks and my fb status (not official if it isn't fb official)

I'd be having STRONG words with DH, like the other posters said it's definately NOT OK to leave you alone for Christmas. I'd be starting to pack my luggage, ready to go with, and if he asks what I am doing I'd tell him 'We are going together'. If he is adamant on going by himself then tell him he needs to take all the things he needs, because you are dumping everything else on the corner of your street and posting on Craigslist free items, or you could store them if you cannot bring yourself to do that?
Staying at an ex's is out of order, for anyone! Even as secure as I am in my relationship with DH I would never agree to him staying at BM's!!

Sounds like the ex's boyfriend has dumped her and she need some consoling. Heh heh heh. He's going to console her all right. }:)

You sound like the perfect second wife, babysits the kids while he screws his ex. Like has been said "Ex sex is best".

Like someone said above me, change the locks and put his stuff in trash bags in the garage. Have divorce papers waiting to be served when he arrives.

Hey all, Christmas is kinda a romantic time. Are you blind?? Please don't excuse this.

Has anybody here gotten into a live in relationship and then regretted it enough to leave?

You and your spouse are raising one of spouses teenage sons in your household.

Your celebration of the holiday's has been in your own household, with spouses older children attending if they chose to.

This year your spouse announced they would be spending the holiday at the ex's with all 4 of their children.

Since the ex lives out of state it will necessary to spend the night there.

The biggest problem here is the total lack of respect toward you, the marriage partner. Your spouse is setting the respect standard mighty low. The children are simply following your spouses lead as to what is acceptable. There will be no complaints from them about spending the holidays together with both parents. You are just " that person" one of their parents married. Leaving you at home is clear affirmation that you are not "all that important."

I would guess that the ex happens to be single. If they had a significant other or spouse of their own then this option to intrude on their time, in their home, with their holiday festivities would not be considered acceptable.

As oldone pointed out, there are a lot of "ex sex" situations. If both parents are still single it often happens because of the connection of someone we are familiar with. Sometimes there are distant hopes on at least one side that a reconnection might occur.

Marriage vows come with the expectations that the boundries change from those of being single.

I made a point of posting this as neither a he or she situation. It works both ways.

Whether male or female---
No matter what the reason {work schedule, not being invited, not wanting to participate in this humiliating charade of their " happy family"} it is disrespectful to be the partner left alone for the sake of their happiness.

The divorce decree addressed the fact that there is mom's time and dad's time separatly with their children.

There may be no desire to get back with an ex spouse permanently. A married spouse needs to realize that while they claim these actions are innocent on their part , they are not. This gathering is not "for the children" More then anything it is for the benefit of the single spouse.

Male or female, as the single spouse, imagine the satisfaction of knowing your ex sits at your table, celebrates the holidays 'WITH OUR CHILDREN" and they felt it was important enough to leave you the spouse behind. The single ex knows it will cause some very hurt feelings. They don't care. Why would they have any respect for you or your feelings.

During his single years, I believe my DH would have felt great satisfaction if his ex would have left her husband at home and joined him and their children for holiday festivities. He would have had no mercy for her then husband. His attitude would have been 'SCORE ONE FOR ME" He would have found it amusing. It would be an ego booster to him. The children, they would not see a problem with it. If mom had no respect for that man she married then why should they. Not their problem.

TO CURLYSUE321---I have actually dealt with this problem. What started out as going over to watch the grandchildren open presents on christmas day soon turned into being gone all day. After moving 150 miles away it turned into over nights staying at his children's apartment that just happened to be in the triplex their mother lived in also.

By the 8th year I told him it was a landmark year if he went. The reason.---It would have meant he was married 7 years to her. It would have been 8 years of celebrating with her while married to someone else. me

They chose not to continue coming to our home. They certainly are not going to leave mom who is single alone on christmas. Although this has stopped and he remains here on christmas should he start this up again there will be ww3 in this household.

Sometimes that saying "Don't start what you won't want continued" is difficult to see at first. What started out as driving over christmas morning to watch young grandchildren open presents grew year by year into every year of getting together with them.

I would kick husband ass out. But I'd have a bit off fun first.

If he's driving, I'd hop in the car with him at the last minute.

If he's flying out, I'd purchase a ticket for the same flight and board last.

Since the trip is no big deal, he shouldn't have a problem with you going.

As head of your household he has just set the new standard. Follow his lead.

overnight visits are permisable with ex lovers if you are doing it to be with children you yourself have a bond with.

There should be no problem with you visiting for the evening with your past loves. Catch up on the latest news and reminise with his children that you slightly bonded with. It's not about anything sexual. Just spending time with children or young adults you are fond of. Not your fault they want to get together at dad's home like old times. There should be no complaints. If there is follow DH's example. " Your just trying to keep me from being with children I care about."

Oh hell no!!! If that were my DH- he would come home to an empty house. Hell. Id even donate ALL his clothes too!! & id leave a simple note: hope she wants you, cause I sure dont!!!! But thats me, id be evil like that!!

O no.I This is not an option.Why does he leave you on christmas day?

You don't want him to see his kids. There is a book for husbands out there who have children from a previous marriage, have re married, and want to do as they damn well please with the first family. I say first family and I don't mean it loosely. You are second, well you were, then you slotted in behind the kids, now behind the BM. And is it his fault, no it's yours, you don't want him to see his kids. Agree with him, that's right, not in BM's house where you are sleeping the night, damn straight you don't want him to see his kids.

Have to say I think this one takes the cake. Why don't you fly up for a suprise visit and sleep with him at BM's, he is YOUR husband after all. Oh wait, he wouldn't like that would he. He'd start world war three with you if you came up with that one.

I think you have a couple of choices, throw him out now. OR, and I guess you will opt for plan B here if you do anything. The second he gets back, or better still before he gets on that plane. Tell him straight that's it, you have spent your last Christmas alone, and he has spent his last Christmas at BM's. His family can come to you, or you and DH can go to them, but Christmas will be as husband and wife.

Why exactly may I ask did you not go anyway. If he stopped you, then scrub plan B and tell him to stay with BM.

This isn't about understanding or insecurity and over reaction. It's plan flat out in your face disrespect. He's disrespecting his wife, woman #1. He's disrespecting his marriage, his vows, and another human being with a mouth full of excuses. You do NOT treat people you love with such disrespect. Actions speak louder than words.
If he goes, if he follows through what are you going to do about it?
What do you deserve?
Is this what you want every year? It's setting an acceptable pattern if you let him go and don't follow through on any threats, this will not be the last time.
Is this your deal breaker? It would be mine.