I just DON'T like my SS.
SS is 5. Whenever he comes over, he immediately wants to his his grandma, grandpa, aunts, uncles, cousins, EVERYONE but DH.
He isn't rude or anything, he doesn't tell us he doesn't want to be here but he will immediately say he wants DH to take him to MIL's or something. We get him saturdays at 2 and we usually eat around 3:30-4ish then it is off to MIL's house. Then of course SS always wants to spend the night, sometimes he does but on days DH says no he throws a huge tantrum. Then sundays we usually have breakfast with FIL and after breakfast he takes SS all morning and we pick him up in the afternoon and he immediately asks to go to MIL's again.
It just seems like SS doesn't want to be here ever. We used to live w MIL and so at first I thought it was because he was so used to being around her on visits, but it has been a year since we moved and it is still the same. It gets frustrating because when SS is around MIL or FIL he is really annoying, acting like a baby so I would rather stay home. This means NO weekend time w DH.
I know DH has a lot of fault in this because he has begun a habit for SS but even if we have other plans SS is asking to go to MIL's or FIL's and if we do whatever we have planned he immediately starts asking again, on our way home at 10 at night he says he wants to go to MIL's. I feel like he only comes to visits so he can go with his grandparents. It makes me think, when he is older he won't really want to come visit here he will probably tell his dad he wants to spend the weekend at grandmas or something.
I know he lived w BM and her mother for a long time so he was used to spending time w his maternal grandparents and cousins (BMs sister also has a kid, also lives w them), and BM married about a year ago and moved out but SS still stays w his grandma most of the week.
I guess I just want to know if this ir normal or if he will eventually tell DH he doesn't want to visit w us, he just wants to go see the ILs?
To be honest, what kid
To be honest, what kid wouldn't want to spend time with their GPs as much as humanly possible? They allow the kids to do so many fun things. They spoil them. They shower them with affection.
I do not say this to be mean but rather explain why ss ic could be asking to go to mils often. Kids have excellent bs detectors. They can sense when someone doesn't like them, even when the other person is acting nicely and politely to them. And that can be very painful for a kid.
I think you need to let dh handkerchief his relationship with ss. If dh decides to let him go with the inlaws, try to show support to him. If he doesn't, do the same.
Try getting to know ss. When he's calm, ask him if he wants to play a game. Ask him what he likes, how's school, how are his friends, etc. Try to find some common ground with him. If you don't feel like getting to know him, or just aren't ready for that yet, continue to be kind to him. When you feel yourself getting too stressed out, go exercise, read a book, call a friend, etc. Let dh be responsible for ss' care (or most of it). Doing that helped me a lot and it helped improve things between my skids and I drastically.
When I first started living w
When I first started living w DH we had him every weekend and week on week off for summer. The first summer I was primary caregiver. The whole week, I would get him up, change him, make him breakfast and take him to DH. We own a store so we could have him all the time there, but if he would start getting bored I would take him grocery shopping w me, run errands, etc and then take him home and play w him til DH got home. He would seek me out over DH and we really bonded. But BM hated it and started to intervene. I could tell sometimes he would pull away from me and I knew he felt guilty about having fun w me because of his mom. That is when I started to let DH parent him more. Then visitation change, no more week on week off visits for summer, only weekends. We still do things together, he loves to cook and has a special plastic kid knife he uses and his own apron so we still do things together but our bond has lessened. I know it is a lot on me because I pulled back a lot and I could probably try to get that back but it was just so much drama w BM when we were close. She felt jealous or threatened, i don't know but i just didnt think it was worth it, maybe i should try harder i don't know. Thank you for you reply.n