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will steps ever realize how shitty they were?

young_step_mom's picture

Submitted by young_step_mom on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:04pm

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I was reading another forum topic and a poster said something about their own step parent when they were a child and how awful the step parent was and I just thought -was the step parent really that bad for absolutely NO reason or is OP not accepting that they may have contributed to the miserable relationship they have with their step parent.

It just made me think, to this day I say I was a pretty good kid and did make some bad decisions in my teen years but nothing compared to some of the kids I know today. My mom, however, insists I was much worse than I remember, LOL.

So I guess I was just wondering if OP's step parent really was so evil with no justification or if OP is maybe not remembering accurately and if maybe SOME day our own SKs will realice their own mistakes or if they will be on ST 15 yrs from now complaining about their own SKs and commenting on how terrible their own step parents (us) were.

It's like a cycle of abuse, isn't it?

Pilgrim Soul's picture

Submitted by Pilgrim Soul on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 4:48pm

Good question! I wonder what the answer is. I have a SM whom i have may be seen once in my lifetime even though my father has been married to her for about 30 years now. I was never invited into his new family back in the day. Now i live on a different continent but I find myself wondering about my SM lately. Was she not interested? Wanted him to herself? It backfired... i have no relationship with them both.

In general though i would say we have a very easy time forgiving our own mistakes ( or those of our kids) and a very hard time forgiving the mistakes of others. The relationship between SMs and SDs in particular seems doomed to fail when perceived as rivalry. Both sides contribute, and there are two or more "truths" to each situation, i think.

Lynn79's picture

Submitted by Lynn79 on Wed, 09/26/2012 - 5:15pm

I am a child of divorce and had an "evil stepmother" growing up. I called her every name that you could imagine and tried to make her life Hell.....from 11 years through teenage. It was my Mother feeding the evil shit into my head. Yeah I know right!!!! My Momma was an evil BM at times! (I tell her that now!!)
I hit my 20's and realized that my Mom was way off line and bitter and jealous that my Dad left her...and I get along better with my Step Mom now very much and enjoy hanging out with them more than my own Mom. You grow up and realize the mistakes your parents made....I remember that when I deal with my SD's. They dont know how DH and I feel about their evil momma...and I truly hope they never do. No matter what....vomit and gulp....she's still their Mother.

PeanutandSons's picture

Submitted by PeanutandSons on Thu, 09/27/2012 - 8:55am

It's a total toss up. Some kids don't realize they were awful to their bio parents, and its a lot easier to write off a step. I think if your skids are generally good people, that they will be able to look at the situation objectively and maybe get some clarity. But if they are selfish, mean ect.... Then they probably never will.

I think it also depends on what happens in their own lives. I saw things much more from my moms perspective once I had my own kid/ started raising my stepkids. I can see my childhood from her point of view now. My sister, on the other hand, has no kids, no bf, so she is still stuck in her teenage mind set and blames my mom for a lot of stuff and hold that resentment (shes 32).