Step-inlaws?? Do you have any and what is your relationship like?
I've read a few posts about adult step-children and thought I'm so lucky to have a young ss. Then I realized... Wait, we kind of are the adult stepkids (technically dh is) and am I the mean skid people post about here? So here it is. My parents have been married 40 years. No divorce in our family. Dh's parents are divorced. His mom came from a blended family and his mom has a blended family. (5 kids, 2 bd). 4 years ago mil started dating a guy. At the time we lives in the same town. So with our first 2 bios, mil was always with his bf of hers. Saying she wanted to see the kids but never showing up. If she said she's babysit so i could take one to the dr she would be late. Basically she didn't form a bond with our older 2 and was always with this bf. We finally meet bf and last year they get married. So now I have an MIL and a step-FIL. So, this last year all of a sudden mil wants to see the kids more. (we moved to a different town 3 years ago). My kids are fine going over when dh or I are with them but they really don't like going without us. We do leave them sometimes but they don't like it. Maybe because they are just getting to know her...? Anyway, so now she's dying to have them spend the night. Besides not liking being there, bs still sleeps with us. (not an issue for us so no judgement please). He will sleep with my parents and both kids have stayed the night alone with my parents. However my parents saw them EVERY day when we lives in town and has always made an effort to form a close relationship with them. But bs will ONLY sleep with me and dh or my parents. He really can't stand being at mil's. Also, my main problems is stepFIL. He has no criminal background or anything. But I just don't feel comfortable havin my kids stay overnight with someone I don't really know. Yes we have known him 3 years but not well. Dh and I have never even met his kids or his family. His own kids rarely take their kids to see him, and it makes me wonder why. So I thinkbif his own grandkids don't stay the night then why should I let my kids stay over? I think I'm just weirdes out because he is a 'step'. Also, dh and his sis & bro also have not really accepted stepFIL. I mean we're all nice to him, but none of them consider him as their stepdad. I mean dh was 30 when they got married and it's not like he's been in their lives long. Of course they also don't consider his kids step-brothers or sisters. They've never met! So basically this guy is just mil's husband to all of us. And I just don't feel comfortable leaving my kids alone with him or having them spend the night at mil's. We always make excuses why the kids can't stay and I'm wondering if that is just mean? Am I being that adult skid who is mean and rude? Am I supposed to accept this man as part of my family?? My kids call him by his first name. They tried to get them to call him grandpa once but when we got home I toldthem they didn't have to. I actually didn't like it because I felt he is not their grandpa. Am I wrong in this?
hm. I have a
hm. I have a step-father-in-law and a step-grandmother. My father in law is the only father H has ever known; when he was a little kid he was given the option to call him dad or his first name. he chose his first name. I dont know a lot about the family dynamic, we dont see much of them, but from what i have gathered and seen, H's dad / stepdad never took a very fatherly or active roll in raising him and has had little to nothing to do with him since he kicked him out of the house at 15 for failing school. It seems it was more his mother and the women in his family who dealt with the children. I personally find him interesting to talk to, he is a very smart man who can talk about just about anything. He isnt really a warm person, but nice to talk to yes. I think H loves him but am not sure if I would go so far as to say that he likes him. I think he resents him for not being more of a father to him, actually. The man had the opportunity to fill a hole in H's life and instead chose not to.
My stepgrandmother isnt an inlaw but its along those lines. She is a flaming racist and I am married to a black man. Maybe she's nice, i dont know. She refuses to touch kiddo and I refuse to have anything to do with her if i can. Biatch.
TXmommyof3, this is your
TXmommyof3, this is your call. My daughter is 13 and she still doesn't spend the night at other people's houses. Unless I know them extrememly well my kids do not go to someone else's home, you never know what can happen and really you do not know a person until you have spent time living in their home.
And that is how I feel you
And that is how I feel you just never know...
No, we don't treat him bad.
No, we don't treat him bad. Really to us older 'kids' he's just the husband- not a father figure or anything like that. My hubby has 2 'full' (?) siblings. The 3 range in age from 20-31. Dh is the only one married. So us 4 talk to guy, are cordial to him and everything just no real relationship there. If he left tomorrow and never came back it really wouldn't affect us other than how it affected mil. And I guess to me it kind of is a 'step' issue because my kids do stay nights with my parents. So mil throws that in dh's face. And i do think that maybe I would let them stay if she wasn't married and if it was just her. (at least my older child, not my younger 2.)
I just am getting used to all
I just am getting used to all this blendedness in dh's family! I really don't think it'd be an issue if his parents were still married. I know some people welcome steps instantly but not me. My mil is one of those welcoming types. I think she just expects us to treat him like an instant stepdad/stepFIL right away? And ends up getting hurt because we don't. Not that we are rude or mean to him but obviously we don't treat him the same as dh's bd, you know? And I think she wants us too. I've also left my kids with her and come to find out if she needs to run an errand quickly she leaves my kids with him. Is it wrong that that bothers me? When she tells me she knows and can tell it bothers me. So I think she knows I'm not comfortable with stepFIL taking on a grandpa role with my kids. It always also seems to get turned around to make me look like I'm in the wrong. How could I not trust him type attitude. So that's why I wonder am I being the mean one here or is twir validity in my feelings?