I think it's a good idea to switch up those activities if you are committed to only doing one per child. TBH, not a terrible idea in theory since kids can get so over-scheduled.

I think scouts with DAD would be a good bonding activity and give them time together. I think SGF needs to back off that activity and let the father step in instead. But for him to do that your DH has to really commit to being there.

Cheer for the girls will give YOU one on one time with them and have the chance to do stuff like go shopping after:)

RE the truck.. IDK.. sometimes it's easier to buy new than come up with money for a costly repair. She may have gotten one of those "no money down and no payments for 60 days" deals and cash flow wise that might be ok for her.

If SGF helped her.. that's his business.

TBH I think your DH is getting in too much of a peeing match with the guy in trying to prove his SGF and his son "wrong"... He doesn't understand that they do have some valid feelings and observations. He needs to put actions into play instead of just trying to plead his case.

I feel so bad for your husband. I know what it's like to have your parents turn on you and choose the ex's side. My ex is in prison for abusing me and assaulting police officers and my mother takes his calls from prison. How she can talk to the man that tried to kill her daughter is beyond me. My heart goes out to your husband. It hurts. I keep my mother at arm's length now. I don't tell her anything about my life and I don't visit her. It sounds like your husband might need to start distancing himself. The things his step father said to him are disgusting.

Have you considered that your husband is more of a father to your daughters than he is to his own son? Maybe grandad is seeing something the two of you aren't. Are you 100% certain that this little boy is being treated fairly by his dad? Lastly let go of what BM does or does not have. It will drive you insane.

So your DH calls his SF and asks (like it's any of your DH's business)if Paw Paw had purchased a vehicle for BM....but then your DH starts squealing about stay out this.

WTF? Stay out of this? It is none of DH's business where or how BM got the vehicle. Paw Paw didn't call or text up DH. No, DH brought the issue to Paw Paw. If Dh didn't like the tirade Paw Paw laid at DH's feet, then DH shouldn't be bringing 'his business' to Paw Paw.

Doesn't matter where the vehicle came from. Whether BM stole it off the lot, leased it, got a big earned income tax refund or Paw Paw purchased it and gifted it to her. What the h*ll business is it of your DH? The answer would be 'none'. Not one iota of a degree.

If you buy a vehicle is it any business of BM who is paying for it or where and how you got it? No. It's not unrealistic nor unbelievable to think BM was money tight a few weeks ago , but now things are ok. Plenty of people have multiple unexpected expenses and have a few tight weeks of pinching pennies until the next pay check or the tax return comes in. Not everybody has cash just sitting around waiting for the unexpected household 'emergency expense'. Refrigerators die overnight. Washers, dryers, central heating...every bit of it can go to h*ll in a flash and need immediately replace/serviced. Money has to come from somewhere and something else put on hold until more cash comes in.

So, again, exactly what is your DH whining over? I have children. I have grandchildren. I don't call my children and ask f-ing permission to spend my money and who I can spend it on. If one of my kids called and demanded to know if I had purchased BM a vehicle, I would ask my kid why he/she thought it was any of their business what I do with my money or what I choose to gift someone.

Hey, maybe Paw Paw bought the fancy vehicle so BM can haul all that lovely new camping gear for Scout events in. How nice of Paw Paw. BM wont have to worry on how to transport pup tents for a dozen scouts. Your Dh isn't interested in scouts nor the camping trips, so what does he care if BM is now all set to roll?

Who cares about BM's new truck or how she got it.

What bothers me is that I feel like Stepdad implied that in order to be a good father, DH should be making sure BM has "safe and reliable" transportation, DH should be making sure he spends $$$$ on SS's scouts uniform.

No, BM needs to worry about her own transportation. In order to be a good dad, DH needs to worry about safe transportation when SS is with HIM. DH needs to pay for the expenses for the activity that HE signed up for. When BM signed SS up for scouts, she knew what she was getting into. Asking to split the expense of a new uniform would have acceptable, I think, but from what I understand, SS and BM tried to dump 100% of that expense on DH. Why should DH pay for something 100% when he wasn't even consulted about signing SS up for scouts? I mean, would you guys ask BM to pay 100% of karate expenses? No one starts crying that BM is a bad mom for not paying karate expenses.

Is DH a bad dad for not attending the scouts meetings? NO. DH and SS have karate. If you didn't have karate, then, yeah, maybe I'd wonder. But honestly? I was in softball for four years growing up. 98% of the time, my parents just dropped me off at practice/games. I didn't think they were bad parents for doing that. (I was actually relieved, I realized that I got a lot of anxiety when I knew my parents were watching and played better without them there).

I think ultimately, it's smart to drop karate for SS and have DH do scouts with him. That opens DH up to go 50-50 with expenses with BM. NOT 100%! If BM can't even afford half the expenses, then why did she sign SS up in the first place?

BUT. I also think DH needs to tell stepdad to back the hell off. I think it's bizarre that stepdad is trying to be a Disney dad to SS. And it seems like BM is just taking advantage of it. If that's what it is, then stepdad can waste his money on her. That's his problem, not yours.

Any chance FIL is bopping BM? Sounds like he's becoming a sugar daddy.

he needed to be a better father to his son instead of to my kids.

I feel bad for all of the men out there who find it hard to be a good father to their own kids because of the ex's antics. Your husband probably IS a better father to your kids because he CAN be.

When my niece was born, my SD (11, at the time) was very jealous about how involved we were with my niece. Well, BM made it so hard for DH to be a big of part of his daughter's life after the divorce. Between the game playing and the lies, and BM convincing SD that she would miss out on things if she came over, their relationship became more and more distant. And SD believed the lies, which made her trust DH less and less.

It's a hard battle to fight, no matter what people say these fathers SHOULD do (go to court, stand up to BM, or whatever ), it's just not always that easy.

People do things by patterns once a snake in the grass always a snake in the grass is what I think. If BM was conniving then she would've been from the very beginning. Some people are just too blind to see someone for who they truly are.

"I told dh I bet his dad paid for it or that he paid part of the down payment."

You sound like an instigator. Strange how you and your dh feels free to comment about how stepdad spends his money. But when the stepdad questions your dh money decisions, he was sticking his nose where he doesn't belong. Your dh seems hypocritical.

Plus bm could have money problems that can be resolved in two weeks. She could have paid for it herself.

I wouldn't be surprised if your dh actions ruins his relationship with his stepdad. He seems to loves the drama.

Sooooooo, last week we had a blog posted about a BM complaining because dad purchased a cheap boat.

This week we're treated to blog about a SM and dad up in arms because mom has a new truck.

Coincidence???? Things that make you say HHHHMMMMMM?????

...why is this story starting to sound like a BM's wet dream?

Everyone in the ex's family now hate's him because they think he's a deadbeat father, rich exFIL buying me things, my kid turning ex and SM's life hell by vandalizing the property and not getting so much as a slap on the wrist...

Like man, if all I needed was an ex who had a rich stepfather to buy me everything as long as I claimed it was for the kid, my tinder dating would get a lot more specific...

Other people's money = none of your business. An adult skid should not be questioning a SP about how or on whom their money is spent.

When posters post about BMs who have family members siding with dad, pretty much everyone "cheers". If her family is siding with "the enemy", then she must be pretty bad. It's viewed as validation that the moms are________. I agree with that line of thinking.

Shouldn't that apply now?

I haven't read through all the responses.
I'm not sure that this isn't a troll but here's my 2 cents.

I think that Stepgrandpa is seeing stepsons bio dad. Stepgrandpa came into this family and bio dad wasn't providing for stepson so he took over and provided.
Now, here is the kid he raised acting like his bio dad and leaving BM to care for the child while he goes off and lives a new life, with a new wife and new kids. Leaving his own child in the dust.
BM doesn't have a man in her life and so now Stepgrandpa is doing what he did for his own stepson, he's providing a strong male figure who comes in and rescues them.

Stepgrandpa is disgusted in his SS because all he can see is bio dad and that SS is repeating history.