Oh Joy!
Dh is doing boy scouts with ss and they both seem to really like it. Dhs dad (stepdad) attended the meeting and has signed up for as one of the leaders. Dh came home really happy from the meeting and he had ss with him. It's not his night so I asked him why and he said bm said to just keep him on scout nights. She isn't exchanging it for his other overnight she is just 'giving' us this night every week. How fortunate for her to get another free night during the week. Dh now has every other weekend, Mondays and Tuesdays and every other Thursday. We are stopping karate as soon as rec cheer starts but I knew we would catch hell if we pulled ss and let my girls do it so ss gets special privileges because hes a child of divorce. He gets to do his 2 activities for now and he has learned that the rules will be bent for him. This is just the beginning.
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Who is going to give you hell
Who is going to give you hell if you put your kids in something that you pay for? I mean it is really no one else's business but you and your DH.
2 activities isn't "special
2 activities isn't "special privileges".. lots of families allow their kids to be in more than one activity. It sounds like this is just a temporary situation to let him finish up until the girls start cheer.
Instead of resenting his child, maybe you could try to adjust your mindset and be happy that your husband and his SF seem to be mending their relationship. Try to see that your DH is getting to see his son (who he obviously loves very much) more. You have your girls FT... so you can understand how he might want more not less time with his own biological son right?
All in all, it sounds like things are going great.
If you going to karate
If you going to karate anyway, what's the big deal? It sounds like he's only in it because it's convenient for your schedule.
I'm frustrated because bm
I'm frustrated because bm decided that ss will come to our house after scouts so that my kids will see that he is doing 2 activities and they have always been told no. Our rule was 1 activity so that we could have time together and not run all over town for our kids. It was our rule and everyone except dh and I got to decide what we do in our home. That is why I am upset. Dh and his stepdad seem okay. Dh won't tell me what lunch was about except they made up and things are fine.
How long before rec cheer?
How long before rec cheer?
Cheer leading camp is the
Cheer leading camp is the last week of July and practice starts August 1st. So my kids get to watch us bend the rules for ss for about 3 months. He gets to do something they have repeatedly asked for and been told no.
What rules are being bent? BM
What rules are being bent? BM put SS in to the activity. What is so hard to grasp about that? Why must everything be exactly equal between your children and your SS? I really am curious about your answers.
As I predicted bm dumped this
As I predicted bm dumped this activity on dh so ss IS doing 2 activities on our time. Dh and I don't want to run kids around all week for activities. Kids can be raised perfectly healthy with one activity.
Your DH wants to do scouting
Your DH wants to do scouting with his son. I don't think he minds this at all. It sounds though like you go to karate and he does the scouting. Not all that much "running about".
Besides, your girls are much younger right? I am almost betting that the "one activity" thing goes out the window before long with all the kids.
Dh got bullied into it.
Dh got bullied into it.
Was you plan to put SS in rec
Was you plan to put SS in rec cheer or keep him in karate before the scouting came up? I ask because you keep talking about running around all week for actives. Three kids aren't always going to be in the same activities and running around is going to happen.
After dh decided to do scouts
After dh decided to do scouts we decided to end karate and let the gils do cheer leading so that ss wouldn't have 2 activities. Now my girls are asking why they can't do 2 like ss.
Tell them because SS has a
Tell them because SS has a different mother. NOTHING is ever going to be 100% equal. SS is not your son and your girls mother is not BM. Be honest with them.
My SS and SD have the same parents, and guess what, they don't always get everything equal.
It would appear that only you
It would appear that only you don't want to be running around for activities all week. The only activity you need to take care of is your daughters. Your husband needs to take care of his sons. Why do you mind this so much? I truly am flabbergasted by this.
My SS was enrolled in play therapy, occupational therapy, speech therapy, swimming, play ball all by other people. I never once minded my husband going to all of those sessions or sports. What is the big deal here? Why does this offend you so much?
Why must your husbands time be curtailed with his son? I would give ANYTHING for my husband to have a good relationship with his son. I'd quite frankly give my left butt cheek for this. Children are young for a very short time, then they reach their teenage years and no longer want to do visitation at a NCP house. I have seen it so many times.
Let this one go and stop being so resentful of this child.
Dh and I both work full time
Dh and I both work full time and neither one of us want to run them around all night. Dh can do what he wants and he wanted to pull ss from karate so that he follows the rules we set but I told him hell would rain down on him by bm and dhs dad. I told him just leave it for now and we will let the girls do cheer leading. Dh isn't happy with that because they practice twice a week and then have games on Saturday. He is already complaining that we will be gone 2 nights possibly 3 during the week and our Saturdays will be gone. You guys seem to think this is just my rule and I am forcing this on dh but it is equally both of us.
Without you saying anything,
Without you saying anything, have your daughters even noticed that things are different? It seems like you are more worried about it being fair than they do. I am really curious because you keep saying its not fair that you deviated from the rules. I'd just like to point out that your kids see your DH and have him in their lives for 14 days out of every 2 weeks. His own son only sees him 7 out of every 14 days. Maybe, you could use this as a way to teach the kids that life isn't always fair. Your so concerned with your kids, but you seem to completely ignore the needs of his son. Life isn't always about taking such a hard stance. Sometimes you have to bend with things. Its called being flexible. In step life, it is essential.
They noticed last night when
They noticed last night when ss came in with dh in his uniform. They asked if they could do dance and cheer leading and I said no. I started to remind them we only do 1 activity here but that is only true for them and not ss.
So do away with the stupid
So do away with the stupid rule.
Scouts is one night a week and an occasional weekend activity. You just said cheerleading is two nights a week with an occasional weekend meet. So actually the girls activity will be more time consuming of an activity than SS's scouts.
School is almost out. Cheerleading doesn't start until end of July. You've got two girls all summer during the day...sign them up for a daytime activity. Check the park district and the YWCA to see what is being offered for kids this summer. Even my local zoo does day camp. It's seasonal daytime activity so your girls can still do the evening karate and then late summer the cheerleading.
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Instead of whining, broaden your lookout on what all your girls could be doing and enjoying that doesn't involve or affect SS at all.
Your DH offered to pull SS from karate , you said no, so all this 'it's unfair' stuff is self created.
But dh DID get to decide. He
But dh DID get to decide.
He agreed to take on the extra night with his kid. He could have said no.
Why don't you take the opportunity, while he is a scouts with his kid, to do something with your girls? Maybe not an activity...maybe a girls night? chick flick, cherry cola, chocolate... ?
I understand though - you feel like your kids are getting shafted, and that SS is getting more... and yes, he is getting more... but it's not HIS fault that his family circle is bigger than your girls' family circle, and your girls aren't entitled to more just because HIS family is giving HIM more.... your girls aren't getting shafted, they're just not as fortunate as to have a 3rd party pay for a 2nd activity for them, too.
He was at the store with us
He was at the store with us yes and he kept trying to run off to the bin of movies. He didn't care at all he didn't get a tv and when dh was setting them up ss played video games. No lesson learned, no teachable moment there was nothing.
Maybe he isn't as jealous of
Maybe he isn't as jealous of your girls as you think?
It seems like you are disappointed that he didn't melt into a puddle of tears in the store.
Instead of trying to constantly plan your revenge on this child... maybe your DH and he could actually get some counseling so that the adults can understand exactly what is going on with the boy? It sounds like he has had his feelings very hurt and based on the way you are portraying everything... it really seems that you are a big part of the reason that he feels marginalized. You may not be presenting things well.. but you don't seem to be portrayed in a sympathetic manner.. and if someone can't paint themselves in a good light.. the reality might make our hair curl.
I'm venting so I didn't
I'm venting so I didn't realize I was supposed to sugar coat my feelings.
Does that mean that you were
Does that mean that you were hoping he would have a meltdown? I think that it is probably best that SS didn't have a fit. Think about it. If SS made a big stink about it, then DH's SF would feel bad and buy SS an even bigger TV, then you would have to buy bigger TVs to make it all fair. So maybe it is best this way.
There is a difference between
There is a difference between venting and making yourself look like a witch. By the way you describe things... I think your SS probably has valid beefs with his steplife.
I try to make things even for
I try to make things even for all the kids but I'm seeing that is a bad idea. I should just do mine and let dh worry about his. This isn't how I wanted our life. Every few years bm sticks her head into our lives and throws us out of wack like she is doing right now. I hate her. I absolutely hate that woman.
But raising kids is never
But raising kids is never even especially since you have a non existent BD.
Maybe this isn't how your step son wanted his life??!--- a witch of a stepmom that try's to shove her bio children up his dads as*.
I say this from kindness,
I say this from kindness, sometimes when we get so hung up on the little things the only person we hurt are ourselves. No one else is really unhappy but you. I have been a step mom & a BM and there are things that I wish I had just let go of at times and lived in the moment. Scouting is a great activity that has so many wonderful life lessons. Let the three of them use this as a time to heal. If this helps that little boy grow up and be a fine man and get through a really crappy time that should be the end goal.
Do like the ladies say use this as girls time... make lemonade not lemons. In the long run you will be happier and that is the life lesson.
You have the choice to be angry or the choice to be happy.
You have three kids in the
You have three kids in the mix, you have to expect that as they get older you will have less "family" times together. That is common in all families, not just blended families. My DH has three sons. The oldest two are in every sport possible which meant a lot of times that DH was watching the SS's and my BS and I would go do our thing. I think it was healthy for us. My BS didn't feel like he was being pushed aside for the SS's and the SS's didn't feel like I was taking their father away.
DH and I would make the most of what time we had together.
I understand that is makes you angry that SS is getting to do two activities after you both agreed to one. So why can't your SS stop doing Karate now??
Regardless, this is not a hill to die on. I would use the extra night that DH is gone to do something special for you and your DD's. Then they will stop looking at it as if SS got away with something and more like a special time for just your girls.
Dh made ss help sand the
Dh made ss help sand the walls that the holes were in. SS threw a fit but he still did it. I have a painter coming next week to paint my ceiling and the walls that were vandalized. Dh is also installing the cameras this weekend.
Yeah I was wondering the same
Yeah I was wondering the same thing? What happened with your house Goblin?
I think my biggest issue is
I think my biggest issue is that I parent my girls in a way that makes sure things stay fair with ss. Now ss is getting to do an extra activity and my girls aren't and no one really cares if that is fair to my girls. I don't want to be that stepmom who says oh well, ss isn't mine I will treat my girls to whatever I want and I won't worry how ss feels. I guess I need to change my outlook and parent my kids how I see fit and not worry if it is fair to ss.
Stop trying to be fair.
Stop trying to be fair. Life's not fair and you kids need to learn that as do you. If life was fair then you wouldn't even have your girls because your DH would still be with his ex and everything would be prefect. You know 2.1 kids 1.5 pets. All sunny and cheerful.
You can't control anyone but yourself. BM can and did sign up son for Scouts. You DH decided to take it over for whatever reason. As a family you are keeping the kid in both activites. That's your choice.
You won't take him out because you don't want the backlash. You guys are the parents it's your responsibility. So either let the girls do another activity, explain life's not fair and leave things the way the are, or take control of your home already and stop letting others control it. If StepGrandDad won't but out then shut him out or tell him he can be responsible for the extra thing. BM has no say in your house hold.
You and DH need to grow a backbone and I still say you need some therapy.
Also glad you clearly didn't get the result from the way you decided to punish the kid. So your girls went without there tv's for however long and son didn't even care. Feels great don't it momma. Why would he care. He had one. I will still be supprised if you don't have backlash over that.
"Grandpa they hate me. They bought the girls brand new tv's and wouldn't even let me look at the movies. They never get me anything."