It almost sounds like an ultimatum to me... that if you do NOT cut down the girls' activities, you're headed for divorce.

Which is more important to you? Your children or your DH?

"mad at dh because him changing the rules changed my views and I allowed my dds to get involved in things they had been asking to do. Why is it okay for him to bend the rules for ss but when I do it for my dds he is unhapp"

Goblin - you know your answer to DH hon, you can simply tell him.... Love, you decided on this and that months ago, when I wanted to talk you told me I don't like your son blablablabla... I knew this would happen, now you will have to live with the consequences of your rule changing.

DD's are happy in what they are doing and I will not put them on the back burner again for you or any one, if you want to end out marriage then because you can't control me anymore, so be it.... but you can never keep to your decisions, as soon as SS and BM demands, you jump and then what....

Don't punish your DD's, it was DH's idea he can suck it up... he has to live with the consequences of him jumping for SS and BM

"I allowed one to do cheer leading and one to do gymnastics. One is rec and one is private and they are on different nights. Oldest dd is doing cheer leading and she has practice Tuesday and Thursdays with games on Saturday. Ydd has gymnastics on Monday and Wednesday and both have tumbling classes on Friday nights."

I can see why your husband isn't happy. He has 2 activities per week totaling a maximum of 2-3 nights a week and you filled 6 days a week. The compromise here is one activity per daughter. Saturday games is ambiguous to me and I can't recall if you have your daughters full time or they have visitation with a biological father.

Additionally you could allow your Saturday games to be someone else taking your daughter instead of you being at all of them. There is always room for compromise.

Isn't there some room to compromise here?

I seem to recall that when you opened up to more than one activity that it meant your girls were busy pretty much 5 days a week since their things were on different days.

Perhaps if you could see if your girls could do activities that landed on the same days.. you could limit it to maybe 2-3 days a week vs 6.

It might take some work, but if you could both agree that you will coordinate the activities so that at least 3 days a week are "clear for family" maybe that will help.

Also, you could perhaps coordinate with some other parents to carpool so that you are only obligated to do the driving a couple times a week? That way, you could be home more (I think it's your absence... not the girls that is his issue)

Ok tell me if I am wrong but if one DD is cheer leading for a team it should end in less than two months? You will have some free time at that point. Why cant the two of you take Saturday nights or sometime that day to spend time together as games do not run all day.

Sometimes people do need to understand kids have activities and need that outlet. He had is one son you have two daughters it is a little different. Honestly you can not help that their activities are opposite. Welcome to have multiple children and blended families.

Your DH had a point as well you really need to carve out time for the two of you and I know that is difficult to do. My SS has football three times a week and games on Saturday as well. To add to all that my SO had full custody so SS lives with us 24/7. Throw in meet the teacher nights, the new school parent association that asks for volunteers, the youth sports league asking to volunteer, us still trying to get things done to our house, his parents moving and having to get stuff from them when we get a chance, all of it. I am simply saying life can throw many things at a couple and create this gap without even noticing at times.

SO and I ask my parents and his sister to watch SS over night sometimes so we can have a date night and take time for just the two of us. It is not easy and yes we get tired and exhausted and worn out.

IMHO just look a the schedule, I do not think the girls should be made to give up what they like that will just cause more issues. Maybe tumbling can be something that gives a little. Listen to what he said and try to make a plan that will make both happy. Best of Luck.

Oh dear. Your DH is acting like a big giant baby. Honestly, kind of like you were acting when you did NOT want him to change the rules to help SS out in boy scouts. You have to see how you both did a 180 on the extra activities. He is now acting like you were and you are acting like he was.

I get that it bothers you about your DH being unhappy, but he is being selfish, and stupid. I remember when I had 2 kids that age. It was run, run, run all the time. That is usually what parents do. That does not/ should not, stop because you get married to someone. Your kids are only your for such a short while. Don’t restrict them because your DH has found out that he would rather hang with you than with SS. And I would almost bet that is the issues. Sometimes these dads scream about not having enough time with their kids and when they get it, they don’t really like it.

I think I would do the same thing to DH and he did to you. Sit him down for a talk and let him know that you are sorry he is upset but that you only have the kids for a short while and you want them to be in these activities. Ask him what can you do to help him with his issue. How about a date night. Get someone else to take the girls once every two weeks and you and DH go out.

Does he understand that he had put you in the same position before?

He doesn't like the taste of his own medicine, does he?

I think he learned his lesson... you had asked him to limit to 1 activity, he didn't want to... now he's seeing what you were going through.

Is there a way to compromise - such as carpooling for activities on certain days with a few other parents?

This isn't about which is more important to you - it's not a fair comparison to have to place more importance on either your kids or your husband about this... especially not after such a short amount of time.

What is it that he's not happy about? The fact he's on his own to handle his son at home because you're not there to make him dinner? Or is it truly about the time with you? Maybe you can suggest that as of 8pm (or whenever) every night it's grown up time... date night every night... no tv, no distractions... just you two - kids go to bed and that's that...

On the other hand, if you DO decide to cut down activities, it should be across the board. I think that's what you wanted in the first place - no more than one activity per child... one activity, though, can be several times a week and that's not better if you're still gone all the time... what I would do is give each child one night a week for an activity. If the activity has more than 1 night, then arrangements need to be made for the other night - carpool or whatever... he's not saying the girls can't have activities, he's saying he doesn't like you gone so much.

Realistically, you CAN drop off the kids at their activities and not stay there. I have occasionally stayed behind to watch my kids at their things, of course, but for the most part.... drop off at 6 pick up at 7:15 gives me an hour to spend that I'd otherwise just be standing around watching kids do stuff - even if that's just sitting in the car with DH and chatting about our days while sipping coffee/tea and having a donut.

Figure out WHY he misses your absence... is it YOU he misses, or it is the things you do? then act accordingly.

When he says he misses time together what is it precisely that he misses? Because presumably the activities end before the kids bedtime and you two have some adult time when all the kids are in bed? So you do have time to spend together.

Does he miss family time with everyone? Does he miss sex (has there been a reduction since the activities started?) and intimate time with you? Or is it just hanging out together that he misses?

Once you can identify what exactly it is he is missing then you can work out a way to carve out time around the existing schedule to fit more of that in and to focus more on that. If he feels his needs are being met then he will be happier.

He sounds pretty needy to me. Your girls are, what, eight and nine or there abouts? It's not like you are gone until ten o'clock at night. I imagine most of their activities wrap it up no later than 8-ish? These are young grade school age kids.

Most parents are busy with kids that age in the evenings. Maybe not out of the house, but doing the dinner, the homework, the catching up with the household. Before all these activities, surely you didn't sit and hold the man's hand all evening from the time he got home from his job until he fell asleep?

Let him tag along for some of the activities. Yeah the activity will bore him to pieces, but you can visit with him while they are busy doing whatever they are doing. A weekend activity can turn into a family outing with stop for lunch together. You can ship the kids off to grandparents for part of Sunday (least activity day for most kids) and have date day/evening.

The two of you use to go to karate together. Why not cheerleading or gymnastics? You likely don't have to sit and stay for the entire activity anyway. Go have coffee together while girls are in activity. Someone suggested above taking turns and having friends drive the girls. You could drive one week, the next the friend's mother?

The girls have two activities, right? Gymnastics and cheerleading? H*ell PawPaw wanted in on Scouts with SS, maybe Grandma would like to take the grandgirls one evening to one of their activities.

Even in intact families this can often be the schedule when multiple kids are in different activities. It happens. I think your DH is whining.

Can SS find a different boy scout troop that meets on a day other than Monday? That way you all will have Monday together and your DH won't be moping around the house as much.

So you suggested some alternatives and he shot them down? Did he make a counter offer? Did he suggest anything other than your complete and unequivocal surrender to his will? Doesn't sound like it. He's a grown a$$ man, for god's sake! He needs to act like it. Trying to force your hand this way is unfair to both you and your girls and a certain recipe for resentment in the future.

Send the kids to bed 30 mins early two nights a week (they can do an extra 30 min reading if they aren't tired). Switch off electronics and spend time together. One night get dressed up (down?) into something sexy, put in some perfume and some lipstick. If you do this twice a week your husband will feel like you two are getting more quality time together even if the quantity has gone down.

As for family time, try to make sundays even more special than usual. Create some Sunday routines that help blend you all together. Going to the movies or bowling (out local alley has very cheap rates in the mornings) or biking. Find a group activity or set time asside to do something different each week. Try to make sure most chores and homework are done on other days so that it can be quality time. Again, work with what time you have got and not try fight the time that you don't have.

I'd keep the activities and quit going to church }:) By dropping church your family will gain an entire day together and 10% more of your income back. Sleep in, make pancakes then go for a hike instead.

I would not drop my kids activities just because DH is unhappy. Find ways to keep their activities going but also make DH a priority too, date nights, etc.

Your DH sounds like a real baby. He does not like any of your suggestions to spend more time with him yet he has no ideas of his own that do not involve taking your girls out of activities.

And if you bring Ss out to dinner Fri night while the girls are at activity then SS actually gets an extra treat of dinner out. And with him there then you and DH still have no time as a couple together.

Ask DH point blank what is he actually missing? Time as a whole family sitting around the house doing nothing? Time as a couple with intimacy time? Dinner on the table? What? Tell him to pick one thing to work on first.
Do not give up the girls activities, finish out the season. As long as they are doing well in school let them stay involved with activities they enjoy. Consider finding a responsible au pair or older lady granny type who could use a little extra income to help with the driving. Unless that is that you enjoy seeing the practice sessions and talking with the other parents while you wait. This is important for your mental and social health as much as for the girls.

It sounds like DH is co defendant on you for all his needs. Doesn't he have any friends his own age?

Make some small changes on your own to carve out a little extra time after the kids are in bed. Don't talk about it with him...just do it. Then make some time to interact as a family...at home. Movie time with snacks...board games...a family walk after dinner. Leave the dishes sit and just take a half hour walk. Kids can ride bikes but stay close so you can all talk about things you see on the walk or share your day.

Ask him for ideas that will work for everyone.

SS should not have to change his scout group. DDs should not have to change their activities. It is good for kids to be involved in something besides video games and staring into a iPad. They will be less likely to get into drugs and trouble if they are involved in good activities. Also do not give up church. Perhaps there is even an older lady there who needs some extra income and could help as a mothers helper while you are at home at first. Then take on more responsibility as the kids get older into more activities.

Tell DH you are glad he shared his feelings with you and you are willing to explore solutions. As life is an ever changing cycle it may take a while to find some routines that work.

Maybe the Friday night dinner with SS is a picnic in the park near the girls activities, SS can play or bring his bike to ride while you and DH talk and walk, or rest on a picnic blanket and hear the wind blowing in the trees.

This time will pass. There is a time for every purpose under heaven.

One of the things that makes scouts enjoyable is the camaraderie. If SS and DH have friends in this troop, neither he or DH is going to want to change.

You need to get over your fear of carpooling. You have years of activity pick ups and drop offs ahead. It's time to get to know the other parents. You don't have to be best buds. You don't have to see the carpool parent socially. Your kids don't have to be best friends. You just need to be living nearby and going to the same activity.

Yes, you want the person to be trustworthy. But, in the beginning you have to take that leap of faith and let your child ride with another parent. You can't, well you can but it won't be fun, constantly think I'd never forgive myself if something happens.

If you want your girls in different activities you will need to learn to carpool. Carpool is a parent survival necessity.

DH and SS take 1 day per week. Only ONE.

You are taking up 6 days out of the week for your girls. 6 out of 7.

The one who should compromise is you. All of your suggestions is asking for DH and SS to change and your girls to change nothing.

You hated when SS took 2 days per week but it's ok for your girls to take 6 days?!

You are not compromising, you are wanting your cake and eat it too. At the expense of your marriage. You hated when your DH was doing it but now it's ok for you to do it.

This keeping score and tit for tat and you did it so I'll do and I don't wanna hear it stuff? Not what a marriage is about. It seems your DH has learned his lesson and now asking you to be a team player. You're basically saying it's too late you did it once now I can do it too and I don't wanna know cuz you did it first so nee-ner nee-ner nee-ner.

First marriage/fourth marriage. First family or blended.....this is NOT what a successful partnership should be about.

OP your DH just wants to be an ass. If you pull your girls out of all activities he'll just find something else to bitch about. He'll probably complain that the girls are home too much.

Hon, it sounds like your husband is already thinking about divorce.