I think you ought to not be that angry at SS, instead be angry with DHs parents? Kids lie, it's a fact of life. They take advantage of it, if they can. And It's your DHs parents that believe your SS, even over their own son, and thus encouraging the lying. I'd give SS a lecture, but really grandma and grandpa are the ones that need a time out.

A couple of things stand out to me.

1. The lying. Less flat out lying and more embellishing. There is an element of truth in everything he said. Frustrating, and absolutely punish him for the dishonesty, but also let yourselves see things from SS's point of view as well. To him, using his room as storage only makes him feel like he isn't part of the family. We've been through this as well. In our house, SD has her own room and the three boys (SS10, BS4, and BS2) share a room. When our basement flooded, SD11's room became a partial storage area. Once we got new shelves that raised everything off the floor (temporary measure) everything was supposed to go back down. But then there'd be things that really shouldn't risk getting wet, so we left them in her room. Long story somewhat shorter, SD11 told MIL that she hated it and it made her feel like we didn't care about her, but she didn't want to tell us directly. So we sat down and talked with her about it. We had to rearrange what was on our shelves, but our convenience didn't trump SD11's feelings. I suspect this is the case for you too. It's convenient to store things in his room and you don't see it as him being less important, but SS does. Since it's a matter of convenience you may want to consider giving in on this matter.

Edit to add: I do think SS was embellishing because it got him attention from PawPaw. Look what happened at the Scout night. Why wouldn't SS embellish his story when PawPaw is so VERY receptive? The basis of each "lie" is a fact that SS feels and that needs to be addressed but not punished. The embellishment is the part I'd be willing to punish over, not the feelings.

2. FIL. I think your DH (and you to an extent) are letting your anger with FIL's interfering affect and increase your anger with SS. Before you make any decisions on SS's punishment, please take a few moments to talk it out together (you and DH) and figure out where the irritation truly lies so you don't overreact to SS.

3. Father-Son bonding sounds like it would be a GOOD thing in your case. It doesn't have to be much, maybe just DH and SS going to the store or doing yardwork together while you and the girls do inside cleaning. The boys can go to a park together and throw a ball, or SS can practice Karate holds/blocks/punches with DH. Whether or not it's real that DH spends more time with your DDs than he does with SS, that's how SS is perceiving it. And you can make these changes slowly without SS knowing that it was changed due to his complaints. That should head off any "whining to get my way works!" issues.

I'm so glad your dh stood up like a man with his dad. Pawpaw sounds like an old school macho male who feels he has to swoop in and take care of everyone and teach everyone a lesson. Is he a big fan of John Wayne, by any chance? That big macho thing is so easy to manipulate and BM is doing it through her kid.

Every time ss dribbles forth any info about dad's house, bm nurtures that little seed until the kid is convinced he resents something.

Both my skids rooms' are used for storage 100% of the time and neither one seems to care. This state of affairs existed long before I moved into this house. I originally thought it should be fixed but I saw neither cared so I stfu.

SS probably said something to bm once like "I was playing basketball with spitwads and a trash can in my room using that stack of boxes in my bedroom as the backboard. It was fun." And cue bm...."You have a stack of boxes in your room? What's in them?" "I dunno. Some stuff from the basement, I think." "Oh, that makes me mad at your dad. You should have your own room! They shouldn't make you sleep in the storage closet!" Aaaaand win for mom. Kid now can't stop thinking about it.

There's a bm problem here and a paw-paw problem. I'm really glad your dh didn't let pawpaw drag him into the bm blackhole he fell into.

I'm guessing the "solutions" pawpaw offered to make SS feel more loved are the same ones you would get from a lot of people here. When the kid says he feels unloved, responding with anger and punishments seems like the last thing you should do. DH should talk to him one on one in a safe environment, so the child can express the same feelings with his father that he could with his grandfather.

He is 10. Nothing you wrote sounds like outright lies and manipulations- it sounds like the interpretation of the world through the eyes of a sad, frustrated little boy. He sees things one way, you see them in another, and as always the reality is somewhere in the middle. It would be a horrible mistake for you and your DH to respond the way you are planning. SS needs to feel love, and you should respond to that with empathy and compassion.

Since SS is being punished this weekend, does that mean he and your husband will miss your family's Easter activities.

Whether or not the kid was making things seem worse than they are, he still got rewarded for it by grandpa and will use that tactic again in the future. Anytime SS doesn't get his way, he will work that to get what he wants. I do feel he may need some reassurance from his dad that he is loved and valued but I don't see anything wrong with punishing him.

Also, I call Bill on the fact that the SS is the only one there without a dad. I took my BS to boy scouts and there was only 1 or 2 dads total that went. The majority were moms there with their sons. And not every parent attends once they get into the higher scouting ages. My SS was in scouts too and DH never could go due to work. BM sure didn't bother going. I think your SS just found a good way to work the adults.

The kid feels neglected. It's unwise to punish him. It is wiser to talk to him. I also think that the reason he talked to grandpa is because he isn't that close to his dad. It's sad.

Deleted. Irrelevant

Paw Paw needs to go way down yonder in the Paw Paw patch and mind his own business and stop letting himself get played by this kid! Skid is playing Paw Paw because he gets results. He knows this shit wouldn't fly with his father because it's just not true, so better to serve the whine and cheese to someone he CAN con.

The only thing I whole heartedly agree with is your DH taking your SS to his parents and all three of them talking about what SS said to StepGpa with your DH sitting there. BM recently went to lunch with SS at school. Long story short: SS lied to BM saying DH said some things about her; she got angry and half ass attacked him via email. He told her it was a lie and she needs to stop indulging SS because he won't stop until she stops playing along to his victim card (fat chance since he got it from her) then when it was time for pick up, DH asked SS in front of BM "what did you say to your mom at lunch" SS said repeated what he said then DH asked him "Is that true or did you make that up" and SS (with tears) admitted he lied to BM and said, "No, I lied...(talking to BM) it's just sometimes I think it's funny to lie to you" :jawdrop: Yep. You read that right. He thinks it's FUNNY to lie to her, to watch her get so mad and worked up all the while showering SS with more gifts for telling her how horrible he has it listening to all these terrible things DH supposedly says. Meh. You could tell she was flabbergasted when her little angel admitted to her he lies to her for sport. I think your DH should do the same. Have your skid sit down with StepGPa, ask him "SS what do we usually do on the weekends?" "Is that true or is that a lie" "What are you allergic to? How many times has Op cooked that" (once or all the time) Is that true or was it only once years ago? The kid needs to be able to tell his version and then your DH needs to correct that version with the truth for StepGPa. When it's all said and done he needs to tell him that what he is doing is manipulating adults and it's wrong and the exact opposite of what cub scouts is suppose to be teaching him.

To be honest, I think if they try to punish the boy for crying to his stepgrandfather the result is likely to be an even bigger estrangement between the father and his stepdad. It also will end up aligning and encouraging an "us vs them" mentality with the child and his stepgrandpa.

As a lot of people pointed out, the boy doesn't appear to be outright lying. He does seem to feel like he is not as important as the full time residents of the home and he is insecure about his father's love. That really doesn't warrant punishment.

The child needs to feel like his dad loves him 100% of the time even if he isn't with him that amount of time.

Dad needs to figure out what the priority is for him and what he can and cannot do. It sounds like not participating in scouts is a result of his EX dumping things on him 5 years ago. Well, maybe that won't happen this time? Maybe it will? Is his son's happiness worth risking it? Is it something he realistically can do? Financially, are the few extra asks from his son going to "break him"? I mean, kids DO ask for a lot and it's ok for them to not get things all the time, but certainly Dad doesn't have to be so rigid as to not flex when warranted right? He CAN buy the kid a present if he wants to and can afford to do so.

It seems like a lot of these decisions have been made based on "principle" and not necessarily taking into account there is a real live boy who is getting the short end.

Gee, I always invite people who don't love me to my big important ceremonies. And then I ask them to buy me stuff. Especially I ask them for stuff when I don't feel like I can talk to them or they don't care about me.

Pleez. The boy clearly has a normally good relationship with dad. He wanted him to come and he didn't hesitate to ask for the shirt. He isn't afraid of dad or sad or circling the drain of emotional neglect. He feels confident and secure with dad.

BM got him all wound up and aimed him at paw-paw. Simple as that.

BM is also scheduling events on dad's weekend. She has no legal right to do that. The only way that kid was ever gonna go on that camping trip is if by some proper and mature means bm asked dad and he agreed -- OR if bm manipulated 2 easy marks into backing dad into a shame corner from which the only escape was through his checkbook and Camp Minnehaha.

SM has every reason to expect her husband to show up her family events since she attends his. SS got to spend Easter with his mother. What is so freakin' deprived about that?

I'm confused is this the case that started because BM did not buy the son a shirt that he needed for scouts. Then when son was asked he stated loudly (as the writer explained was not out of character for him) that BM couldn't buy it because of X and X cash issues and BD refused because he already pays child support and in no way was apart of the boy signing up for scouts.

The grandfather then went and bought the son EVERYTHING saying that he was doing it because the BD asked him to and wanted him to make sure he had everything he needed. That the grandfather did this without talking to the dad then expected him to pay saying that he didn't raise a deadbeat father.

So the final issue was dad didn't feel he should pay back grand dad.

The boy seems to be expressing his feelings which for whatever reason the facts may support or not but what matters is the son feels this way and no one can tell us how to feel. I don't understand how the boy lied either. He feels second to the fathers newer daughters which is normal for biokids to feel with siblings let alone a step child whose not always there. He feels he doesn't have his own room because other stuff is being stored in it (which in my view is ok if the child's not there but should have been moved before he came over or else its not just his room).

I feel like this is a ton of adult issues that should have been handled between the adults. Leave the kid out of it.

If biomom really couldn't afford the shirt (yes there were discussion about that) she should have contacted dad herself. Dad should NEVER said anything about child support to the kid as an excuse for not paying for something (adult matter). He should should just have said something along the lines of your mom is responsible for scouts while I make sure you have everything you need here at this home. Grandfather should not have taken it on himself to buy the stuff then expected to be paid back. Yada yada yada but hey what do I know I'm not even a real step parent yet.

Goblin - DH should ismply take his son alone on this camping trip and they can talk a bit.....

You do something with your girls, DH needs to explain to SS about the whole CS thing, and that he still loves him, and why they can't be together, you have no clue what BM is feeding this kid, she might be the one telling him... Dad is more interested in the girls, he does not love you blablablabla, I would not blame the boy, I would investigate and rectify. I would simply make sure the room is not used for storage anymore....

and DH and son should do more alone time when SS visits, not the whole week-end, but something like 2 hours on SAturday - batting cages or what ever. SS should also know if the scouts has a father son week-end he can ask DH to attend that week-end.

I still feel BM is behind this whole thing talking crap to SS...

" He won't see ss till this weekend and he won't be allowing him to go on the hiking camp out due to his lying."

Why isn't Dad seeing his son on the usual weekly Tuesday or Thursday this week? Does this mean SS misses his karate class with your daughters? Also, does Dad just plan to hit the kid up about your so called "lying" as kid gets in the car at weekend pick-up?

So humiliating SS at scout ceremony wasn't enough, you and Dad plan on squishing his very first camping trip ? All because kid didn't repeat storage room and brussel sprouts along with his experience as a stepchild in your home exactly the way you view it?

Everything you have posted paints your husband as a great parent to you girls, but not to his own son.

"He owes me!"

You are sick. Surely your husband has attended this event with you and your kids in the past.

You know your husband wants to do more father/son stuff with the boy.
You know the boy feels that he is being pushed aside by you and your girls.
You know going on the camping trip with the kid will help to rebuild their relationship.
Why are you so hell bent on ignoring that?

That little boy is spot on about you. BM may have had you pegged long ago. Chances are grandpa is starting to see the real you as well. Keep it up and it won't be long until your MIL sees the light. As usually, the spouse will be the ladt one to figure it all out.

I hear what you are all saying about commitments. (I don't agree IN THIS CASE, but I get it).

But why not just say that from the start? The way this started out, not going camping was present as punishment for the kid telling lies. That placed the "blame" for missing the trip on the kid, not dad's previous commitment.

I think there are times when it's OK for a parent to say to his/her spouse I know I agreed to attend XYZ with you, but I really need to do this with/for my kid. Please forgive me.

As long as this in not the norm, it shouldn't be a problem.

I can guarantee 100% that as SS grows up and chooses to have very little to do with his father, your DH will resent you big time.

Everything you are doing right now with alienating SS and making your DH choosing your kids over his own, all your score keeping and all your hate for BM is causing major damage to your marriage.

If you don't value your marriage you can continue what you are doing ofcourse. Just be aware of the consequences.