Emancipation question- Would you or wouldn't you?
In My situation, I have one BS18. I have been divorced from my XH for 10 years. XH rarely if ever paid CS and is approx. $10,000.00 behind. He only started paying when he was threatened with jail time from the judge. Our BS graduated from HS in June and is currently enlisted in the Marines. Clearly he is emancipated.
XH and I did an amazing job co-parenting until a few years ago after the courts hauled him in for non payment of CS. I am fortunate enough to have a good job and never depended on CS to provide for our son. However, when XH and I split, I agreed to a very low amount for CS so that XH could help yet still have a life. XH failed to keep up his end of the bargain. Therefore, after several years of non payment, the court finally caught up with him. That is when he turned on me and we cut off all contact.
My question is this....I have never contacted the courts to inform them that BS is emancipated. However, it should stop accruing since BS emancipated. Due to XH's horrible treatment toward me after he was berated by the judge, I don't feel it is my job to call the courts and inform them. I feel it is XH's job to contact them considering he is the one who still owes and who should want to have it stopped.
Would you contact the courts to inform them of the child's emancipation or would you let the XH do it? If XH ever did contact the courts and they needed my confirmation, I would gladly do it. I just don't feel it is my job to take that first step?
What would you do??
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Maybe anonymously email your
Maybe anonymously email your ex husband a link to an article about when child support is supposed to end in your state. What he does with the information from there is on him.
I don't think I am being
I don't think I am being dishonest at all. Dishonest is when XH gets a job that actually pays a paycheck and quits it because they started deducting CS from his check.
Dishonest is claiming you have no income because you work for cash under the table.
I am not being dishonest because I am not gaining anything by not telling them. He is 10K behind...and will never pay it off.
I was just wondering if I should contact them to tell them or leave it up to him to do it.
It's not hurting or helping me by not telling them. I am not getting what I am owed anyway, nor do I expect to.
It only benefits XH that BS is emancipated.
I tend to not let other
I tend to not let other people control my actions. I do what is right for me and my good karma, so yes, I would inform the courts.
How people treat you is their karma, how you react is yours. --Wayne Dyer
What kind of person do I see
What kind of person do I see looking back at me in the mirror?? A person that worked her ass off to provide for a child when the OP refused. A person that worked overtime and extra so her son could go on a school field trip. A parent that with without at times to make sure my son had a great Christmas. A parent who put her child first.
THAT is who I see. Not a parent who quit every job he ever had so he could avoid paying child support. Not a parent who would only see their child when it was convenient.
Not a parent who moved out of state to live with their GF and not see their kid for a year.
I have no problems at all with what I see in the mirror or sleeping just fine at night.
I am not playing games, I never went after his ass for CS but after so many years the non payment, the courts did it on their own. I went to court to try and help keep him from jail and try to come to an agreement the judge would accept. Instead he turned on me and became a toxic ass.
So yes, there is a part of me that wants to be the bigger person and contact the courts, but there is also a part of me that is TIRED of picking up the slack for this lazy parent.
So again you ask who do I see in the mirror??? I see a kick ass parent who raised an amazing young man and that is something I am proud of!
I'd call the courts to have
I'd call the courts to have it stopped, just for the simple fact of not having any issues with him getting refunded money that he shouldn't have had to pay etc.
That's my opinion too. It's
That's my opinion too. It's not like it takes a lot of time to set the record straight. And wait until CS does realize what is going on and it will probably make things messier (I know from experience). OP doesn't owe her Ex anything but CS can go back and look at it like, Hey she knew her kid was aged out and she was still collecting like he wasn't.
I would have it stopped....
I would have it stopped.... but would still go after the legit arrears.
If he were current on his CS,
If he were current on his CS, I would have no issues calling and having it stopped myself. However, he is over 10K behind and rarely paid.
He pays maybe $100 every two months just to keep the courts off his back. When he went in front of the judge, I went as well. I actually went in hopes that we could just come to an agreement and get it all settled. I notified the judge at that time that BS would be emancipated and actually gave them a date. I stated I had no issues with it being stopped on that date. The judge then berated XH for his lack of payments over the 10 years and threatened to put him in jail if he missed another payment.
Then XH turned it all on me. The judge indicated that the courts would need notified at the time of emancipation, but they could not just put a stop date on it at that time. Also, XH went to court for his DD when she was 18 and had to get her emancipated, so he knows the drill.
Regardless, there is no fear that he will ever get any refund. He will never pay the full amount owed to begin with.
The issue is mainly should I contact the courts to have it stop accruing or let XH deal with it (or not) on his own.
In that case, no, ignore it.
In that case, no, ignore it. It's his problem, he obviously knows, and has been thru the process before. It's his problem, don't concern yourself with it.
Gotcha!! I should have put
Gotcha!! I should have put that in the original post. XH knows what to do to get it stopped. He just hasn't done it.
He could actually save himself a lot of time and trouble and just call the courts to notify them of BS emancipation at which point they can call me and I will confirm it.
I have no issues with that at all.
I don't want his CS to keep adding up. I just don't feel it is my job to stop it for him. He is a grown ass man who works harder at avoiding paying his CS than to just pay the stinking $50 a week he owed. He heard the judge say we just had to call and they would stop it. I feel it is his responsibility. But I wanted opinions to make sure I wasn't just being bitchy about it.
I believe the laws regarding
I believe the laws regarding aging out of cs vary from state to state. Here in CA, the onus was on my non custodial DH to petition to vacate the cs order when skid turned 18.
It's not your job to fix stupid. Let your ex manage his own affairs.
This is very similar to SMs
This is very similar to SMs who do everything for their DHs.
It is his life and his payments. He is the one who is responsible to stop it.
You have no responsibility to take care of him and his financial problems, let him deal with it.
If BM were the one paying CS
If BM were the one paying CS to DH, in arrears, and SS had graduated and moved on to the armed forces, I would still call. I hate that woman but I wouldn't want to keep any extra strings attached. I would call someone, or go in person and tell them everything: hey XXX, I am calling because my son has hit emancipation status and I wanted to know if I needed to fill out something to end the child support agreement, but that being said, my Ex is pretty backed up in arrears so I'm not sure if I can stop it until he pays the money he already owes" So in a nutshell I would ask about ending the order but I would also ask about the money he already owes me and try to get that first and foremost. I would then take that 10k and gift it to the kid once he got back from training or whatever.
Let it go, ExH never paid in
Let it go, ExH never paid in any case... why will he pay now,
In our state, it's up to the
In our state, it's up to the one paying it to submit the paperwork to have it stopped. About a month before my DH's kids turned 19, the courts sent him a letter explaining the process and telling him the earliest date he could file the paperwork.
Because of the paperwork involved, BM couldn't have stopped it even if she had a shred of benevolence in her dark soul - it all had to be signed by DH, notarized, and submitted by him.
DH and BM both did this when
DH and BM both did this when OSD aged out (BM had custody) and SS aged out (DH had custody) and they both ended up owing each other money.
Technically he owes you money anyways, so they will probably go back to when your BS was technically aged out, and apply that amount to the arrears.
You may think it's his responsibility but it's both of yours. I am CP and am technically owed CS. But if I got a huge raise at work that would affect the order, it's up to me to report that to CS for them to do a modification.
If your ex didn't owe you arrears and you had been collecting this whole time CS would reverse it and you would have to pay back your Ex.
Another thing- are you sure
Another thing- are you sure the payment you are getting isn't him paying off the arrears? Has there been no decrease in his arrears balance?
DH owed BM some arrears (from SS) but when MSD aged out, CS (for YSD) made him continue to pay what he had been paying until the arrears were paid off. That way he paid it off faster and since that is the monthly payment everyone was used to anyways.
XH continued to pay the set
XH continued to pay the set amount for a few months after BS's emancipation but that then stopped. He now pays maybe $100 every 2-3 months. Nothing major. And in reality I expect he is thinking he is paying off the past due with the lower amount. However, I have never been contacted by the courts, nor sent anything in the mail indicating that XH has gotten BS emancipated. I would have expected something either confirming it or a new order showing emancipation. I have received neither.
I know my XH and he is clearly expecting that I am going to call and notify the courts. Again, XH will not do anything unless he is forced to do it.
Including getting BS emancipated.
Personally for me. I like to
Personally for me. I like to make sure that I am on the straight and narrow. If that means I have to contact CS myself, then that is what I would do. For me, I like to know at the end of the day that I at least attempted to set the record straight. No, it's not your responsibility but it's not like Ex is the ONLY one who can set the record straight with CS. I think in the long run when it is eventually caught/figured out/whatever, it will be more of a hassle for you. So for me, knowing that there is a teeny tiny chance that it will make things more difficult/annoying or whatever down the road, I would just call.
Unfortunately, not in my
Unfortunately, not in my state.
It's up to XH to file for
It's up to XH to file for emancipation, not you.
My DH took his time to file for emancipation for SD22. She graduated from college in May, and he didn't file until December. He asked for relief for the months after she graduated as she was working full time (only as a server) and the judge said no. BM didn't do a thing, and honestly, we never considered it was up to her to do anything. DH was the one paying, it was up to him to show he didn't need to anymore.
I'd see what a lawyer has to
I'd see what a lawyer has to say. If you can get into any sort of trouble over this, stop the CS. If not, continue collecting. Not the super-moral, angelic way to go about things, but you deserve the money and, as you point out, this could be the only way you get it.