You are here

After all these years- nothing changes

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Thu, 04/06/2023 - 8:09am

Need to vent....and I know you all would understand.  
DH found out accidentally a while back that MSS had got a girl pregnant.   Basically it was a one night stand that resulted in pregnancy.  They tried to make it into a relationship but that went up in flames.   Long story short..BM and her partner were so vile to this girl they have been banned from the hospital while she gives birth.   It's a shit show.

Anyway...DH and MSS haven't had a relationship for years but allegedly MSS is having thoughts on reconciliation since he now has a baby's momma calling the shots.  Karma is a real Bitch haha!  Not my knowledge DH and MSS have not had any communication...I say to my knowledge because I now see that DH is instrumental in making me feel like an outsider just as much as his vile children. 

Not long ago I found the baby registry for DH and we sent gifts to young lady.  This is DHs first grandchild and he was hoping to have some contact even if it is with the baby's mom.  (Not the ex BM)

We found out a few days ago the baby mon was being induced yesterday.   YSS was with us and I know DH has spoken to BM about this situation and was thinking we may get updates as she progresses but wasn't surprised if we didn't.  Well I asked DH a few times through the day if he had any news which he claims he did not.   

This morning I am talking to DH as he is driving to work and again asked if he had heard anything...he shares that he got an update yesterday around 5 pm how far Baby mom was dialated and it was going slow.   He never made any attempt to share this news with me...and after I had been asking all day. 
Now I am sitting here feeling once again like an outsider.  After all these years I am no more a part of that side of his life and never will be.   I never wanted to be or expected to be a real part of this child's life...that's isn't the issue.   My heartbreak comes from the fact that it never entered my DHs mind to share this news with me...because I don't matter.   And I never will.  

He knows he hurt me...and it may seem like a small thing to some but after years of this crap I am refusing to be made to feel like I don't matter.

He can kiss my ass! 

Comments

Harry's picture

Submitted by Harry on Thu, 04/06/2023 - 9:17am

That you stay in bad relationships,  nothing will change.  Hopefully someone else will see this and think about relationships before committing many years in a relationship 

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Thu, 04/06/2023 - 10:16am

Actually not quite true Harry.   Things did improve for a number of years.   His spawn left us alone and when they did try to poke us, he didn't let it affect us.  This new baby has caused him to revert back. 
 

But clearly you have a much better situation then the rest of us.   Why are you listed as private.  Please share your wisdom so people "like me" don't waste their lives in bad relationships!

CLove's picture

Submitted by CLove on Thu, 04/06/2023 - 10:27am

It does truly suck being left out. It appears that it was purposeful, which hurts even more.

At least hes not saying "oh but I did tell you", in effect gaslighting you, like MY husband.

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Thu, 04/06/2023 - 11:12am

He didn't gaslight me.  Thank goodness. I think he feels guilty and has been promising to keep Me updated.   I am still hurt so I don't want to hear it right now.  
He knows I have zero relationship with MSS but I also made It clear if he wanted to work on things with MSS for the sake of the baby I would never stand in his way....BUT I would NOT allow MSS to blame me for everything wrong in his life like he tried to do for years before communicatio stopped. 
 

DH knows he screwed up...I'm planning to have a long chat when he gets home.   He needs to do better!

Winterglow's picture

Submitted by Winterglow on Thu, 04/06/2023 - 10:42am

I'm sorry you are having to deal with this - it's an awful way to feel. Your husband should be ashamed of his behaviour - he knew how much you were interested in knowing. Have you asked him if he did it deliberately with the intention of hurting you?

(((((HUGS)))))

missgingersnap2021's picture

Submitted by missgingersnap2021 on Thu, 04/06/2023 - 11:14am

I know how you feel. My DH keeps so much from me. I think in his mind it was his way of keeping me out of any drama involving BM when we first got together but spilled into not telling me things about SD and his extended family. I got upset about that a few years back and he is way better, but it is still  not his nature to come in the door and tell me things. 

He found out he had skin cancer and went and had some spots removed. I found out about after the fact when I saw the bandages!!!

justmakingthebest's picture

Submitted by justmakingthebest on Fri, 04/07/2023 - 8:41am

His actions are incredibly hurtful. I am sorry you are going through this- again. 

As much as we don't want the drama, we don't want to be an outsider in our own homes. I feel like it isn't that hard to find a balance, but some men just really can't make it happen, can they? 

thinkthrice's picture

Submitted by thinkthrice on Sat, 04/08/2023 - 4:49pm

From the MSS, his baby mama and SGK for your own sake.  History repeated itself. 

SM12's picture

Submitted by SM12 on Mon, 04/10/2023 - 5:42pm

I disenganged from the whole lot of them years ago.   I was just trying to be supportive for DH because I know he has to be wanting to be a part of the baby's life.   But I guess he made it clear i need to step back again.