I think dh attempts this. Especially with his sketchy memory techniques and lies by omission. But I'm sharp as a tack, and I remember the facts. So it just doesn't stick anymore. Too bad for him...

Struggling, if he purposely upsets you, then that is really abusive, sadistic. I was involved with a man like that. He liked to do things to make me jealous, and would try to convince me that I was wrong about the things his daughter would do, like I was making it up. He knew exactly what his daughter was doing, but he was so insecure, getting a rise out of me was like his way of controlling me, like I was his puppet.

Okay, so I've blogged about this before but SO and I had a huge blow out last week. I walked away in the middle of the argument. Later I left the house without telling SO. I went to look at a rent house. I do this after almost every big argument. When I came back, I couldn't open the garage door to park my car. My remote opener didn't work and the button inside the garage didn't work. The little green light was off so I assume there was no power to it.

I went and asked SO if he messed with switch. He looked at me and kept saying I don't know. I asked him repeatedly and he was always weird and evasive. He said he wasnt used to people walking out on him in anger and not telling him. I went to my bedroom and a few minutes later SO came in and said it worked fine. I asked him again if he had messed with it, he finally denied it. I didn't believe him, but I can't prove it.

When his ex-wife walked out on him he changed the locks. But she had been gone several days, I was only gone for an hour so he wouldn't have had time to lock me out.

How immature this is. Maybe I was immature for leaving without telling him, but really, SO? Grow up.

I don't believe my DH does it on purpose, but there have many times where I have felt we have experienced an alternate reality when arguing. I think the fear of alienating his children, and his family in general, runs so deep that his brain will rewire events in order to avoid him having to blame or be critical of them, because if he allowed himself to blame or criticise or be angry with them then he would have to do something. And he is deeply conflict averse with them, but not with me. Much easier to get angry with me and deny my view. Sometimes I'll be listening to his explanation or justification and boggle that it can make sense to him. But then at the time clearly he feels the same about my viewpoint.

Okay I have another one. I think this may be paranoia, though. I always find my interior light on in my car, and I don't remember turning it on. I imagine SS doing this to try to make my battery run out. It never works. But I'm so absent minded I could have done this myself and forgotten. Still, though....