Conflicting feelings for husband
Is it possible to love yet hate and feel like I have no respect for my H at the same time. And how do I know which are my real feelings. So want to leave but worried I might regret it
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Ouch what a tough position to
Ouch what a tough position to be in. Can you see yourself with him in 5 years from now? I had a love/hate relationship with my first husband but it ended in divorce.
Not with th current
Not with th current situation,no. Don't want to waste another four years yet don't want to regret it all later. Just don't know how much longer I can put up with the ostrich behaviour my husband is showing. Or his bitter first wife and her constant attempts to split us up. Got some thinking g to do I think
I'm finding myself in that
I'm finding myself in that position with my fiance and a majority of it has to do with his son and ex wife. Right now I'm seriously considering getting into family therapy before I actually tie the knot and see if this is something I can make look more appealing for my future.
As for you, perhaps therapy is in order for you guys. Therapy will allow for you to pick apart your feelings and figure out the root of your problems. Sometimes it can be hard finding a therapist that you both like and respect, as well as feel like the therapist is helping the situation rather than asking redundant questions - But it could really help. Give it a shot.
OR - What I've found to work for me in the past is taking the time to write a long email or type a letter that expresses how I feel about everything, calmly. Give it to him when he has alone time and enough time to let your words sink in, rather than it being a nasty fight that gets out of control.
I'm finding myself in that
I'm finding myself in that position with my fiance and a majority of it has to do with his son and ex wife. Right now I'm seriously considering getting into family therapy before I actually tie the knot and see if this is something I can make look more appealing for my future.
As for you, perhaps therapy is in order for you guys. Therapy will allow for you to pick apart your feelings and figure out the root of your problems. Sometimes it can be hard finding a therapist that you both like and respect, as well as feel like the therapist is helping the situation rather than asking redundant questions - But it could really help. Give it a shot.
OR - What I've found to work for me in the past is taking the time to write a long email or type a letter that expresses how I feel about everything, calmly. Give it to him when he has alone time and enough time to let your words sink in, rather than it being a nasty fight that gets out of control.
Just remember that when one
Just remember that when one door closes, another one opens. I think you are smart for not wanting to waste any more time if you think that your current marriage is not going to work out. (((HUGS))) I know that it is hard right now for you but things get better in time after you deal with what you need to do to move forward with or without your current husband.
My H for the first time today
My H for the first time today apologised for calling me insulting evil names yesterday. He also for the first time admitted that he is wrong to do it and he k owe he has to stop. He also said that when I I get angry over BMs nonsense he feels like I'm blaming him. He doesn't have any contact so has no control. I felt he had a valid point so that is something I can work on. I couldn't get him to stop verbal abuse but since finding this site I have partially disengaged from him and educated myself on gas lighting and am finally in a place where I know I will be ok if we part. My knew strength has made me firmer and he knows it. Yesterday when he started I took my son and left the house. Came back 30 mins later. I took my wedding ring off and went to work without it . Ignored him completely for 24 hours and the admission was the result. I have told him today that I will not tolerate his disrespect t anymore. Also SD13 is no more welcome in my home (BM and her tried to get me arrested, never found out what for ) because I don't feel safe with her and I don't trust him to protect me. He has since sent an email ( which he doesn't know I've seen) actually defending me and telling SD13 that he is spending time with me to repair our marriage and if she doesn't respect us then she is welcome to stay away until she does. Not sure why he has t shown me the mail but I'm not letting on. My ring is staying off at present, the coming months will tell if he can continue with this
It is absolutely possible to
It is absolutely possible to love AND hate a person at the same time. This split feeling is actually coming from your loss of respect for him. All of this leaves us disoriented and confused. This is why you are vacillating between the 'should I stay or should I go' scenario. Also, giving up on something that you've consistently attempted to repair and bolster is a a difficult decision.
I often wonder if these type of men don't purposefully pick us BECAUSE we are so strong. They expect that we can bend forever. Not true. There has to be some form of resolve for us. We give, and then we give some more. Eventually our supply of forgiveness runs low, and we, left depleted, end up in this very uncomfortable place. What you're feeling is normal for the situation. It's not time for you to leave....yet!
I spent a very long time in this place. Enough time to have my divorce papers drawn up months before I actually did leave. In the end, leaving was the best option for me. My only regret is that I stayed as long as I did. I'm not going to tell you to leave. I'm going to say this.... when you have had enough, YOU will make the decision and you'll know it was right for you because you will be at peace with it. I wish I could explain it better. Once I knew for certain. It was a sense of relief for me, deep down. Try not to view it as a failure. It isn't. Sometimes things break and no matter how hard you try to fix them, you just can't. Maybe because it was never yours to fix in the first place.
Best of luck to you on this incredibly difficult journey.
Thank you for that advice
Thank you for that advice Alreadydone. I don't feeli failed because i have no control over his previous family. But I am the sort if person that will never go backwards and once my mind is set I will follow through he has a while yet to prove himself. I don't really believe in leopards changing spots and all that really. Most weak people don't suddenly develop a back bone!
Try reading "Too Good to
Try reading "Too Good to Leave, Too Bad to Stay: A Step-by-Step Guide to Help You Decide Whether to Stay In or Get Out of Your Relationship"
Have downloaded but I'm too
Have downloaded but I'm too good to stay I think!
I loe and hate my fiance too
I loe and hate my fiance too because of SD15. At this point I think I would respect him more if he walked away from her then continue to allow hr to treat him like heer own peronal slave, as though he is a piece of property he owns. I do see a future with my SO but only after 4 years and all kids are out of the house.