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What a mess

Struggling stepmum's picture

Applied for an injunction this afternoon as H phoned up begging to come home. I told him calmly no and contact between us at present should be only about our child. I don't think I can cope with more than that. He then after I refused to talk sent a stream of texts swearing. It was enough for the police to act this time. He is not allowed to come to the house or near me for the next three months. After dealing with that I get a call from the psychiatrist who saw him. He informs me that he feels my H is showing signs of borderline personality disorder and has referred him to someone specialist. Does anybody know what this is? It sounds a bit non specific to me. And would it explain his strange and unreasonable behaviour? Because I have behaved badly myself and the only thing wrong with me is I have spent two years trying to understand where I was going wrong. Is it a genuine problem or a cop out??

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Starla's picture

Supposedly I have BPD and it was the worst being a teenager for me. I detach in certain situations and my mind races much of the time. Nightmares every night but that might be from PTSD, not sure yet. Lots of highs and low and can change in no time depending on what is going on around me. Its hard to live with it when you don't have tools to work with and I try to make the best of it.

Very common in women and is hereditary from what I have heard. I'm not bat shit crazy like Kraken is and I do want to change, more like mellow out with the racing thoughts.

MamaDuck's picture

Eep! I would recommend reading up about BPD as much as possible, there are a lot of things you can do to minimize the conflict and effect he will try to impose on you and your life.

I have been with SO for 2 years and I wish i had did more research about BPD in the early days, i've made some awful mistakes in regards to his uBPD ex. The biggest thing to realize is that once you become one of their 'targets' they will be pretty relentless at trying to 'make you pay for what you did to them', try not to take anything too personally. And if you can quickly figure out his patterns and cognitive distortions that will help you learn how to deal with him better.

Struggling stepmum's picture

I am almost relieved. Doesn't yet have a diagnosis but no wonde I felt like I was going nuts with him. Can he help it? Should I be compassionate? I've never heard of it before

Starla's picture

Well I think there are different forms of it and I don't know anyone who has just BPD. My mom has Narcissistic Personality and Borderline Personality Disorder. I have Borderline Personality Disorder along with anxiety issues and PTSD. Get some books on it even if you have to go to the library bc they will help you better understand personality disorders.

Family history is a good thing to look into if you haven't already. Learn his trigger points and help him figure them out to. It wouldn't hurt for him to read up on it either. Knowledge is power no matter what type of a condition{s} a person may have.

Things that affect me, being pushed in a form of nagging, being around anyone who never quits talking, Skids, groups of people, family functions, and things or plans that feel overwhelming.

Though my mind is often in overdrive, I do have self control at all times. Don't walk on egg shells and he needs to retrain his line of thoughts to help him not feel out of control. Should they want to place him on a medication, look into that medication before allowing him to take it. I actually do research online seeing what the majority of patients say about a particular medication down to what its like coming off of it.

Medication for BPD is very limited from my understanding. Have him get his hormones and testosterone levels checked and a MRI of the brain if you can get a doctor to run a MRI. Some mental conditions can show up on them.

I take a very low dose of Melatonin {over the counter} every night which does help. Just a few ideas for you there.

Struggling stepmum's picture

He goes mad if I go on at him even if I'm right. I'm not sure I'm right to help him. Surely I should just be walking away?