You are here

SD7s late night calls to BM

catsmeow6n8's picture

Submitted by catsmeow6n8 on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:36pm

BF gets the skids every Saturday after work. They get to our place around 6 on Saturday and leave around 8 on Sunday. The kids are always in a great mood when they get here. Playing video games, playing outside, running around the house. We make them dinner, laugh with them, watch tv with them and usually have them in bed by about 9- sometimes 10 (Which IMO is too late for a 7 & 8 year old). SD7 is in a good mood until bedtime. Its like feeding a mogwai after midnight, or getting them wet. She goes bonkers when its bedtime. She cries, whines, screams, all to talk to BM. If she doesnt have a picture of her mom, she cries. She will come out of her bedroom at 10pm, crying wanting to talk to 'mommy'. BF always agrees. This past saturday she was on the phone til 1 AM. 1 AM!!!!!!!!!!! a 7 year old child does not need to be up until 1 AM!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She came out of the room around 12:45AM crying saying mommy was being mean. BM was on speaker phone and I heard her say 'I'm not being mean you need to go to bed its late!' Then DH got on the phone with BM and I heard BM say 'Why are you letting her stay up so late? Why can she never seem to go to bed at your house? Are you feeding her sugar?' To which DH quickly replied 'Why does a 7 year old need to call her mom before she goes to sleep, shes 7, she should be able to just go the f*ck to sleep on her own.'

Let me tell you, I LOVE hearing these kinds of conversations. The ones where BM is yelling at DH and DH is yelling at BM.

NOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Still, why is she acting this way? Why is it like this every Saturday night for the past 2 years?! Is there anything I could do, or BF could do?? He will read to her, give her a glass of water, leave a nightlight on for her, talk to her. Nothing seems to help. Feeling rather frustrated.

Comments

QueenBeau's picture

Submitted by QueenBeau on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 4:54pm

She is acting this way because she is allowed to.

If your Bf would tell her no, she would stop asking. It would take a few nights of crying. But it seems like BM is going to support the decision. She probably doesn't want to be on the phone that long but no parent wants to discipline their kid or set a bedtime for the kid at the other parents house. It's BF's job.

SD pulls this at grandparents house because they let her. She tried to pull it here, I told her go to bed she already talked to her mom. She cried the first night & hasn't asked since then. She's 1 week into her 4 week visit.

LaMareOssa's picture

Submitted by LaMareOssa on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 5:11pm

This is almost the same as trying to wean a child from a pacifier. Your BF needs to set a bed time and thats it. At 9PM it's bed time. Stories, brushing teeth, baths, etc need to be done before 9(If thats the chosen time) Tell her no more phone calls and thats it. Let her scream and cry and don't give in. Giving in is showing her that if she screams just long enough, she will get what she wants. After a few nights it will stop, just like taking a pacifier away.

And SD7 probably just misses her mom. I was like that.. it takes time to grow out of it, but throwing a fit is unacceptable.

notmyfirstrodeo's picture

Submitted by notmyfirstrodeo on Thu, 07/25/2013 - 6:32pm

We have had the exact same problem with SD9 for the past 4 years. It has gotten better but I have to say what works for us is:
a)I handle her at bedtime if she cries or gets out of bed. If DH handles her, he tends to coddle, which only makes the situation worse. I'm not a *itch to her, I am just matter of fact and very clear.
b)If it goes on too long, I threaten to take away privileges. Again, she does this because she is allowed to and there are no consequences if she doesn't stop. For us, SD9 loves to watch TV. I tell her that if she doesn't roll over and go to sleep, she will lose TV time for the following day. She has only called my bluff on this once and boy was that a miserable day for her without TV.
c)We never let SD9 call BM at bedtime. We used to allow this because BM said she wanted to say good night to her. After about 4 nights of this and SD9 crying after she hung up the phone every time, we put a stop to it. You can say what you want to about liberal phone visitation. But at our house, if a phone call with BM is going to cause SD9 to be upset and cry, then it isn't going to happen. After all, aren't we supposed to be doing what's best for the child and not the parent?

Good luck with this.