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catsmeow6n8's picture

First I want to say thank every one of you! I found this site just by googling help for step mom's and I haven't stopped visiting since. It's like having somewhat of a weight lifted off my shoulders knowing that I'm not alone in all this.

My bf and I have been dating for 2 years now. We started dating almost immediately after him and BM split. To make a long story kind of short, she LEFT him. She cleaned out the house, took both kids and moved a state away to her mom's. All while he was at work. I met him when I started my new job 4 months after all that happened. Remember, SHE LEFT before I was even in the picture. When she found out about me she went bonkers. She would text him all the time yelling at him for not talking to his kids or spending time with his kids and for spending time with me. She's called me every choice name in the book. I was even called a homewrecking whore even though the home was wrecked(AND EMPTY!) before I (not a whore) came into the equation. she fought like hell to get him back, piss him off, keep the kids from him, yadda yadda yadda. 2 years later bf and I are stronger than ever, happier than ever and in a better place together than ever before on our own. BM has backed off, I think she's got the idea now. But I've yet to meet BM. We've emailed and even spoken on the phone before, but never face to face. I'm somewhat nervous of the first interaction though, I mean it's got to happen eventually. I am not scared of her, there is nothing to be afraid of. After all, I have what I want. (Is that terrible?)

Now bf and I live together and every weekend ss8 and sd6 stay with us. Here's my biggest concern, I don't think sd6 wants me around. Sd6 has told BM that she wishes I didn't live with daddy. Sd6 often tries to get between bf and I, like when we're sitting on the couch or if we're having a conversation, mostly when she notices me and bf happy, holding hands, kissing, smiling at each other. In fact she said 'I hate seeing daddy and sm kiss'. when bfs sil told sd that that wasn't very nice sd said 'what? She's not my mom' I wanted to say 'if you ever see daddy and bm kissing you can tell me and you'll NEVER have to worry about seeing me kiss your daddy again' but I know my sharp tongue would be lost on the poor girl cause after all she is half her mother. SS is totally unphased. He plays video games all the time or watches cartoons, he'll talk to me and ask me about the games or shows I grew up with. He doesn't seemed to be worried or threatened by me.

I worry sd thinks I'm trying to take her her daddy. That maybe she thinks I'm taking mommy's place and soon hers too. I could really use some advice or maybe just empathy. I don't expect her to like me but I don't want her to detest me.

Signed- frustrated and feeling alone

Comments

catsmeow6n8's picture

Bf and bm have sat her down. Reassured sd that she always comes first. I wasn't there but he told me the talk went well. I think she just wants her family back and I understand. I just don't know how to make her more comfortable when it's not my divorce nor my child.

lil_lady's picture

She needs to her it from you. I have SD6 as well she needed to have this talk several times it took a few of them too! The only person I don't see involved is you and she needs to hear that in my opinion. With your BF sit her down and have a chat.