Ungrateful SS and DH who lies for him
Recap of SS10 bday party from this past Saturday. All seemed well, we made (keyword made) SS10 stay outside for his party, I mean after all it's his birthday party why would he want to be inside when he has all these guest here for him, right? Wrong, SS wanted to be inside and glued to a phone. I for one can stand it and want to throw his phone across the room anytime he's on it. This time it's not happening, I grabbed his phone and told him his father wants him outside and there won't be any phones for you to use all day! Of course he huffed and puffed, but I don't care. Sit your ass outside or better yet go and play outside with all the kids, wtf!! SS gets lots of gift and cards from party guest, and puts them on the hallway table for later. The remainder of the party went well after that.
Fast forward to next day, clean up time. As DH and I are waking up and about to start the clean up. The mighty prince is still sleeping, uhm no, he is to wake up and help out. I woke him up to do that, because dear ole dad would let him sleep his life away while we bust ass. Not me! So I wake him up tell him to go outside help dad clean up! He gets up goes outside find his phone, opens up a juice box and sits down eating a bowl of chips from the night before (ewww gross) and does not remotely even help. All the while dad doesn't care he's picking up plates, cups and etc and throwing it out. While SS sits there! So what do I do, I stop what I'm doing. Because well, if this kid doesn't have to lift a finger why would I. I'll let DH do it. I mean after all it's ok for SS to be lazy.
DH comes inside and sees me relaxing on the couch with my phone in hand and he asked "I thought you are going to come and help me clean?" Hahahhaha really dude?? (Thinking this) My response wasn't spectacular " You have a capable 10yr old child out there who can easily assist you with the clean up of his own party, but since you never make him lift a finger why should I bust my ass to clean up so he can sit on his behind and do absolutely nothing?!? You didn't seemed bothered that he didn't think to help you or consider asking you if you needed help. So I figure I let you do all the work and see what it feels like to have two people sit and relax and be on the phone while you do all the work!!" DH of course doesn't like my tone nor my response because HEAVEN FORBID his child do anything. DH "I don't need him help!" ME: "Oh but you need mine? For what? What do you need me to help you with? Because you have a body outside just withering away at a screen when you can make him do a little something! After all this was HIS party!! What I'm not understanding is that your completely ok with raising a lazy child while we bust ass for him and yet he doesn't appreciate anything we do for him or wait, anything "I" do for him! I don't think so, you can get his ass up and make him do some work, not like you are making him hurt his back or doing severe manual labor!! Start parenting this child to learn how to help and not be lazy!!! Until then I'm not required to "help" you. I do plenty, I hosted and kept up with all the guest and more. The least he can do is fucking help us the fuck out cs sitting glued to that god damn phone all day eating stale chips from a bowl last night and kick back while watching us clean!!! You don't like my response you can leave and take lazy and enabled with you!!!" I exited myself to my chambers (my bedroom) locked my door and didn't care to know what they do.
As I am in the room, my window is open and I can hear him continuing to clean and after 5 mins I hear DH talking to SS (couldn't make out what was being said) until I hear DH yell at him, "You know what? You sitting here asking me to make you food and don't give a shit that I'm cleaning!!?? Are you kidding me? Not once have you asked to help me and thought to get your ass up to assist with throwing anything away!!! You come out get you something to drink, snack on chips and are glued to a phone... and now you want ME to stop what I'm doing so I can make you food?!? WOW! I see it now!!! NO! ABSOLUTELY NOT, GET YOUR ASS UP AND HELP CLEAN UP AND WHEN IM DONE WITH YOUR HELP ILL MAKE YOU SOMETHING TO EAT!! I DONT WANT TO HEAR WHINING, COMPLAINING OR YOUR GOD DAMN ATTITUDE! IF I HEAR ANY OF THAT IM GONNA GET MY BELT" (I'm secretly dying of laughter inside and DH said he is gonna get a "belt" well... he's serious) Let's just say I cleaned up inside the house, and let them work that out on the outside. DH came in slamming doors and etc. I didn't even look his direction. Because I feel he was forced to see what I saw and maybe was mad that he actually had to parent! Lmfao I don't care. Raise your damn child and stop raising a spoiled rotten brat! I shouldn't have to argue with a grown man to have him get his kid to lift a finger. He should see that you have a kid just sitting there and not helping at all. I know if it were my kid she get a beat down for remotely trying to do what SS10 does, but thank the lord I raised my child right and she helps all the time!
I swear another victory for me and DH has been told to parent and make SS do something.
As the saga continues. I'll post again soon same bat time and same bat channel! Hahah
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Comments
Good for you. Keep it up. The
Good for you. Keep it up. The only way DH is going to change is if he's uncomfortable with it.
Good job!
You are awesome. Keep it up.
You are awesome. Keep it up. Frankly, I'd refuse to do anything more for SS that he can do for himself. Clearly DH only cares about his laziness when it affects him directly.
Exactly!
The same happens here. But I'm done with this kids antics. Why not? If he can sit around and have DH do all the work, so can I. Lol
I did that same thing when we
I did that same thing when we moved into our current home. One day I was just done doing it all - so I, acting like DH, made myself comfy on the couch with a show or my phone or book and ignored everything. DH was like, "What's for dinner?/When't dinner? Are we thinking of dinner here...etc.?" Me, "I don't know." After a week of this he lost it on me. Our first, and biggest, fight. Oh, so YOU and the SDs can do whatever you want and Cover, after a long day of work AND commuting, gets to continue to work for you all when she gets home? While you all just mess around and do whatever? Those days are over.
Applause
Yes!! Applauding you. Sometimes it is well needed to go on strike to show the savages in the house who runs it! It's a damn shame that it comes to that but once it does snaps them all back in line! Lol
Thankfully my DH was not a
Thankfully my DH was not a lazy parent at all. If anything, he was too strict. But you putting it right in DH's face is a breath of fresh air on here - people seem to tiptoe around their spouses.
I was a tip toe SM. It caused
I was a tip toe SM. It caused me to have anxiety. I never had anxiety before. It was making my mental health worse. I seen my doctor and told her, she basically said "you can't keep that in, got to let it out. Once you do you feel better and never be afraid to speak up. You are a grown woman! I'm a SM and literally feel your pain" I was shocked after she relayed a little personal info on me.
since then I let it all out and loose like a cannon. I usually don't act like that all the time. I'm a very rational woman and think before I speak mostly. But when enough is enough and I witness BS. Oh I'm gonna day something. Lol
I think what you are doing is
I think what you are doing is very rational. You are calling DH on poor behavior that affects your marriage, and standing up for yourself.
So it would
So it would appear that "light dawned" when SS made the incredibly poor decision of asking to be waited on when his servant was otherwise occupied. Is the light still on or has it shorted out over the last few days? Hoping that your DH has come to you with a "yeah...you were right...there is a new sheriff in town" and SS has had the sense to be keeping a low profile. (fingers crossed!!!!)
The light shorts out very
The light shorts out very soon after that incident. Because dear ole dad feels HORRIBLE after talking to him in that tone. Even goes the route to "apologizing to him for snapping on him!" Like WTF?! Whatever he made him clean and that is all what was needed Lolol
SS stays away from me. I like it that way, he literally is stuck to glue to his father when he's here. Anytime DH gets up, so does SS he gets up too and follows him. Even when he gets up just to go to the bathroom, SS tries to follow him. It's rather sad that dad can't walk a few feet and here comes his little shadow. He's worse than our dogs, they don't even follow him that much. Ha!
Oh no. Your DH just undid
Oh no. Your DH just undid the parenting there. Not shocking. I see it all the time.
I am not
I am not surprised either. I can't count the number of times my DH apologized for speaking to the skids in anything other than a voice suitable to a nervous racehorse and requiring them to do something that they did not want to do. Like homework or putting dishes in the dishwasher - not breaking rocks in the hot sun or sheep shearing. He was so ashamed and needed their forgiveness! (pardon me while I go barf in the corner)
Apparently he "didn't like it" when his father told him what to do and "got on his a$$" so did not want to do it to his kids. He really did not like it when I replied "No sh*t? So you are telling me that you were like literally every other teenager on the planet? You didn't like being told what to do by your parents, huh? Ooooooh, you rebel you!" This is actually an ongoing issue between us because he comes from a perfectly average upper-middle class family and I came from abusive trailer park hell but somehow I managed to put my childhood resentments behind me and he can't.
I am sorry that his "come to Jesus" moment did not last. Maybe you and the couch can become better acquainted in the coming months while you continue to make your point over and over. And over. *diablo*
Bwahahaha. I've said similar
Bwahahaha. I've said similar things to DH when he's stated that it's too hard for the SDs to have "chores" like take out the trash, bring in the mail, load/unload the dishwasher, etc. Really, really dumb basic things. He'll bring up my childhood and how horrific it sounded to him.
"DH, I agree my parents were strict, too strict as I got older. But I certainly learned to care for myself and grow up handling college and doing things on my own. I'm not asking that the SDs go out and build fences, paint the barn, muck the stalls, chop wood, all stuff I did have to do because WE LIVED ON A FARM." FFS.
Oh boy this is exactly what
Oh boy this is exactly what happend at OSD's 11th birthday! She already was entitled and not asked to clean anything up. She wanted this extravagant food bar, specific things for dinner and decorations (i.e. a mess in the end). I told DH way, way before that I would help get food, and cook dinner. OSD was in charge of her room and snack bar. AND in no way was I going to help clean up because I worked my rear off to plan things (as you did OP!).
So after the party, her room and the kitchen was a wreck. I did nothing but clear off the dining table. DH asked her to clean several times and she pitched a fit. Then he laid into her for her entitlement, laziness, ingratitude, responsibility for HER party plans etc. He made her clean things up and she did. He helped a little, but not much. Unfortunately that only happened like maybe once or twice in the next several years...no consistency.
I have to agree with you.
I have to agree with you. Only happens once or twice in a blue moon! There absolutely ZERO consistency and I seriously can't wrap my mind around it.
Woohoo... hubby finally grew a pair of balls and parented!!
I find when i’m not around or we've had an argument, that skids tend to do shit that hubby claimed never happened or existed and hubby loses his shit on them because it finally dawns on him that they’re leeches
At age 10, this little sh!t
At age 10, this little sh!t is old enough to make his own food. GD was making her own tea in the microwave at age 3.
No wonder he thinks he's a prince. And he should lose his phone for a long time.
At age 10
Oh at that age he should be able to do a whole bunch of shit. Wash dishes, throw garbage, clean room, pick up clothes, pick up toilet seat to pee, shower, wash hands, clear you plate to the kitchen, turn off lights, and help when asked ( and more). Does any of this happen??? NOPE! He has to be reminded and he is spoken to like he is 4!!! "Pop, pls wash your hands" "Pop, you forgot to turn light of don't forget next time" it's all after the fact that DH does it for him and then reminds him to not forget. At that point why would SS care DH took care of it and will continue to no matter what? Lol. I have little cousin and other family children younger than SS who do WAAAAY MORE THAN HE DOES! It's rather funny because when at family parties or functions and both DH and I see it. DH says to SS see (insert name) look at how he knows how to do this or that? I told DH why do you put that on him and say "See?" You should be the one to teach him that or make him learn. Lol DH gets mad, but it's the truth!
My niece is the same age as
My niece is the same age as OSD16. The differences are VAST and CANYON LIKE. It's just amazing. My sis and BIL have done a fantastic job. She's mature, reliable, has had a job and is looking for a more steady one, is getting a car, gets along with a lot of people, is nice and caring. Exact opposite of OSD. DH sometimes tries to bring down my niece by making a snarky remark, like her getting a car (needed because of where they live and helloooo, she's going to have a JOB and goes to special classes outside of the High School - no bus?!). My sis just is amazed at my stories and says "I just don't know how you do it..." She's one of the only non-SMs that gets it.
Isn't it amazing that we can
Isn't it amazing that we can take pride in our family nieces, nephews and other children who are being raised to fine young adults?! Who show effort, responsibility and motivation? Than we look at the Skids and see how badly their parents are failing them miserably. And as step parents all we want is to see the best in these children and raise them to be just a responsible and more. But noooooo, they have to be enabled and spoiled. I stop holding my tongue. It was really making me sick when I would hold everything in. Now I just say it. If my DH wants to leave, I'm not worried. He's raising a child who will fail miserably at majority of things he does. He sucks at school, doesn't want to play baseball anymore, he does not have a motivated bone in his body to do anything and DH is ok with that.
Im just happy that I'm raising my own daughter 15 to be a fine young adult. She is nothing like SS and even say that SS is lazy. She refuses to watch SS when we work and also during weekends. I'm so ok with it. I make DH figure it out, his life his problem.
It's so sad that these
It's so sad that these selfish people would rather see their children fail than feel like the bad guy. I'd lose respect for DH if he parented that way. Ruining his own kid just so he doesn't have to feel bad.
Yeah my 3 & 4 yr old have been masters at getting snacks out
Of the fridge or pantry. Even bringing a chair to grab things a little taller that they cannot reach. Thats called being proactive but sadly thats a lost cause with many skids
Phone
I want to intentionally break his phone one day but I know if I do. It will just get replaced... what's the point. Kid gets everything handed to him. He doesn't earn a thing or put effort to show he deserves it. As far as schooling he advances to the next grade and NEVER did his e- learning! How much more can this kid get enabled?!?
Slow Clap.
If you stick with changing your own behavior, other things will change, too. Don't enable, and don't do anything that makes things easier for your H. He needs to feel the consequences of his non parenting.
Agreed.
I have done exactly that. I stopped enabling his assumptions of me just doing and I make him do things that I would normally do everyday for SS. Cleaning up messes, picking his clothes up, feeding him (that was huge for him), and just down right stopped being the person who took of his child while he sat around. He's learning very quickly what it's like to parent and deal with his sons shenanigans. I don't deal with it anymore.
Good! You're on the right
Good! You're on the right path. Now, leave you SO to all the deferred lessons he needs to learn, and focus on making yourself happy.
you lost me
You lost me on the part where you thought it was gross to eat left over chips from a party. Chips are my EVERYTHING....i'm like a crack head....except with chips. So yeah, I would IN A SECOND eat the left over chips.
Also. Keep doing what you're doing. Hopefully your DH will get it eventually.
Lol
These chips were left outside uncovered. They weren't the best tasting chips either, I tried some and they were stale and also couldn't imagine how many bugs were swarming into the bowl. Trust me they were out there from the day before and well into late afternoon in the sun. But if chips are your thing, to each is their own. Lol
fine.....maybe i wouldn't eat them
What a waste of perfectly good chips....to be left outside like that....
Had to read that twice!
Because it was such a wonderfuly logical display of righteous anger at the unfairness that is steplife many times.
I have started to let DH know that he needs to teach his 14 year old how to cook for herself. So shes not relegated to microwave only dishes and leftovers.
That should be a requirement
My daughter is 16 and she can cook. I taught her how to cook basics, eggs, pancakes, rice and few other things. She watches me and helps me too when I'm cooking. There are some things she looks up and does it herself. I've been doing this since she was 8. From making a bowl of cereal or oatmeal, shoot even toast.
SS doesn't know how to do a darn thing. He asked me to make him cereal all the time. So I'm like no, you can make the bowl yourself and I show him. i even showed him how to make a sandwich, a damn sandwich. Lol, he was so excited that he told his dad that he wanted to make him one so he can show him how what he learned. It was cute, but so crazy that no one ever thought to show this child a thing.
Okay, but...
Okay, but...
Even monkeys can learn by observation and logic. Making a bowl of cereal or a sandwich isn't rocket science. His needing to be "taught" sounds helpless and attention seeking. And then he wants a trophy. It's ridiculous, not cute.