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tugofwar's picture

Submitted by tugofwar on Wed, 04/21/2010 - 10:16pm

Help.... I have been wanting to seek other SM advice on this one, it is a bit off topic. My SO and I have been together for 2 years now, lived together a over 1 year. In my last marriage I discovered that my husband had been cheating and I had suspected it for quite some time over the 6 years we were together. Well, when I met my current love I had 100% trust and faith in him, he asked me to marry him at 9 months and I couldn't have been happier, UNTIL his ex wife caught wind of our engagement.... She began to send me what she claimed were forwards of text msg from my fiancé that were sexual words. I confronted my fiancé and he said "I told you she was gonna try to do something to break us up" which he had told me what a crazy b!tch she was way prior to all of this and he swears that those messages were not sent to her from him. The thing is here we are over a year later and I am still hung up on those damn messages they run through my mind constantly and I find my self being extremely paranoid that my fiancé is gonna cheat on me too and it makes me sick! I catch myself making comments to him "oh your other girlfriend" or "I know your gonna cheat its just a matter of when" he does get irritated but is very patient with me and I know he loves me, I don't really think he would cheat I mean he even wears an engagement ring which is a wedding band on his left ring finger and treats me extremely well never have I been treated this good by anyone I mean what guy would let me and my 2 kids live in the house he bought and not ask me to pay any of the bills if he didn't want us here right? I do work and have offered to help with bills but he says "no that is my job as your husband (to be) to take care of you" . How do you think I can get past this? Also his ex is engaged also and has not done this again since the day she found out we were engaged, she has seemed to really chill on the whole idea of me being here for good and being around their child now but I still have the terrible thoughts and don't wanna feel like this anymore!

Comments

herewegoagain's picture

Submitted by herewegoagain on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 5:33am

Move on. Easier said than done. But you must or it will eat up at your marriage. I trust my DH 100% when it comes to that. Believe me at one point he had a co-worker that really made me wonder, she tried to insinuate that something was going on or that they were "really close"...but I asked my DH and he said no and I let it go. Period. I assured him if I ever found out otherwise, he'd be out the door and also told him I did not want him talking to her ever again. Good thing we moved. If I ever hear that they emailed each other or anything, DH would be out the door. But it's been over 8yrs and have never heard anything else.

HennyPen's picture

Submitted by HennyPen on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 7:05am

has HE done anything to make you distrust him? You need to look at what he has done and not done. If you found them on his phone, that'd be different, but coming from someone else, and an ex to boot..if there's nothing ele since then, sounds like she was truly trying to split you guys apart.

my first husband cheated on me too, and it is hard to not be judgmental. I get that psycho suspicious chick moments too, but I stop and say ok. list what he HAS done..not what I am afraid of, not what I think he might do, but acutally has done to make me think he's cheating. It puts it in perspective for me. We will always carry the burden of broken trust thanks to the firsts that broke it, but we can't make our current DH pay for it.

________________________________________________________________
... why would you feel worthless and weak? You gave everything, your entire heart.. giving it to him. To truly give your heart, your trust, is taking the bravest of all risks--C.Young

Kb3Hooah's picture

Submitted by Kb3Hooah on Wed, 05/12/2010 - 12:51pm

delete

tugofwar's picture

Submitted by tugofwar on Thu, 04/22/2010 - 9:41am

Thank you all for your response, I guess I just need to learn how to calm my thoughts and realize that BM was just trying to cause problems. DH has not done anything to give me reason to think he has cheated, I didn't find the texts on his phone they came directly from the ex and I did figure that she had made that stuff up, but you know how us women can be, or I know how I can be and over think everything! I love DH very much and think I am terrified of another failed marriage, this will be my third marriage, my first being extremely abusive physically (didn't wanna marry him but parents forced it as I was a pregnant teen) second one I was just dumb, I think I knew better, but this time I like to think that I am much
wiser but really don't think I trust myself to make the right choice in a man anymore, even though I know he is good for me. He treats me and my girls great so I'm probably just paranoid. I am very thankful that he is as patient as he is though any other guy would have probably thrown me out on my a** a long time ago for always accusing and suspecting he is up to no good.

~I’d like to help you out. Which way did you come in?~