Visiting SD soon -- need advice!
DH and I will be visiting SD and her family in SD's town in a few weeks. I am already dreading it, and that is a stupid waste of energy.
Up until recently, SD and I did pretty well together. Not close, not besties, but more than just cordial. Last visit though was awful. She was upset that my BD had an emergency, and BD asked her to help out, BD thinking that she and SD also had a good relationship. Apparently we didn't thank SD enough, took her for granted, showed no appreciation, too advantage, etc. (None of that true, beyond BD asking for help, and she won't make that mistake again.) Long story short, I have learned that SD is not happy when her dad (my DH) spends time with, helps out, pays attention to my BD. DH says SD has been possessive of him her whole life.
BD will not be with us on this trip (she has her own grownup life), but if history of these trips is any indication, SD and DH will spend several days playing the "remember when" game. The occasional reminiscence or the relaying of information about someone they both know from their past is perfectly normal, but these people take "remember when" to a whole new competitive sport level. The several times I have tried to contribute to the conversation, ask questions, tell my own story, I was literally shouted down (once by DH himself). DH explains this away as them trying to "share" with me so I get to "know" them better. I called bullshit on that one--it is a way to control and exclude anyone who is not part of their inner circle. This includes me of course, but also SD's DH and anyone else who happens to be in the room.
DH is aware of how hurtful I find this and he has promised to "do better." Exactly how I'm not sure. I have no doubt "remember when" will start up at some point, and I need strategies to deal with it. SD's house is small, so I can't escape to another room out of sight (and earshot).
Ideas for handling this?
Ohh, maybe I can find a pink
Ohh, maybe I can find a pink sparkly Princess pattern.
This is hilarious. How about
This is hilarious. How about a muzzle? Don't forget the choke chain. Works great everytime!
I have to be near SD Town for
I have to be near SD Town for business and it would be awkward not to see them. I want a good relationship with these people, especially gskid, and it has been almost pleasant in the past (after some initial rough spots). If this trip turns into another like last one, then I will consider just not going in the future. That would be too bad.
I could take a book and ignore them while they ignore me I suppose.
You could always "get really
You could always "get really sick" ( as if listening to them doesn't make you sick already) and go grab a book and retire to your guest room. Let them have their little dadee remember when sessions and go lie down ( is it lie or lay? I always forget). Anyway, you get what I mean I'm sure
You could always "get really
You could always "get really sick" ( as if listening to them doesn't make you sick already) and go grab a book and retire to your guest room. Let them have their little dadee remember when sessions and go lie down ( is it lie or lay? I always forget). Anyway, you get what I mean I'm sure. Perhaps if you aren't around their little stroll down memory lane will be cut short especially if SD is only doing this to annoy you.
You could always "get really
You could always "get really sick" ( as if listening to them doesn't make you sick already) and go grab a book and retire to your guest room. Let them have their little dadee remember when sessions and go lie down ( is it lie or lay? I always forget). Anyway, you get what I mean I'm sure. Perhaps if you aren't around their little stroll down memory lane will be cut short especially if SD is only doing this to annoy you.
I have no idea how I posted
I have no idea how I posted the same comment 3 times. Sorry about that.
Take a walk, or a drive if
Take a walk, or a drive if you will have a car.
Otherwise, just do something else, even if it is in the same room.
Read a book.
Do your nails.
Plug in your ipod (I assume everyone except me has one).
Start your own conversation with her DH.
Take a nap (wish I could do that with my eyes open!).
Talk about YOUR past and talk louder if they try to shut you down.
Stare at the wall and daydream about where you would rather be!
Of course, all of these things will be seen as rude.
Honestly, I don't know what I would do in that situation. My SD was only 5 when my DH and I got together, so she doesn't have a lot to play with.
I would ask your DH why you should even go if it is going to be a memory lane visit.
"Plug in your ipod (I assume
"Plug in your ipod (I assume everyone except me has one)."
------------------------------------------------------------
Nope. No ipod here. LOL!
I like these! Her DH is a
I like these! Her DH is a good guy, but not very talkative. Maybe he just doesn't get a chance, so I'll have to think of topics of conversation.
I do plan to talk to DH about this again before we arrive to avoid the "I forgot" excuse. But knowing DH, it's 50/50 chance on him delivering. So I just need to be prepared instead of seethe.
Yeah, she's definitely not a
Yeah, she's definitely not a pit viper. She is demanding her father's sole attention, and that has taken on a life of its own recently. Even DH finds it annoying.
Activities are good. We have done pretty well there, and I hope that is a bridge back to where we were before. It's the time in the evening when we tend to just chat. DH and SD both instigate this. Some of the stories are funny, the laughter between the two of them is good, but please oh my god let's not do this for hours on end.
Yes, my goal is a peaceful relationship. Good description.
What about a riveting audio
What about a riveting audio book? I think you could politely excuse yourself to allow them to reminisce while you put on your headphones and exit to another room. We listened to a great book driving across country and it was hard to even stop at times because we didn't want to turn off the CD.
Regardless of their intention, the effect is hurtful and you would benefit from some kind of an escape plan.
How about a fun but easy
How about a fun but easy game? We always play a game in the evenings when our normal-non SD- company visits. Sometimes when we our the visitors we bring a game as a thanks for having us gift.