Hey, sounds like another jealous BM so obsessed about splitting you and DH up. I know it's easier to say than do but try not to ignore your SD...by doing that you're making her think that BM is right about you. It is likely that SD doesn't really think these bad things about you, she's just been told to write these by her mum. I know it's hard but try to just carry on as normally as possible in the way you treat SD, she's 14 so she should be capable of making up her own mind about whether she likes people or not and BM should stay out of it.

I had a similar problem with SD5, she came round one weekend and told me 'my mum hates you'...for no reason at all BM has decided to hate me, I'm not really bothered because that's up to her but there is no need for her to tell her daughter that she does. In the end DH told BM what SD had said, of course BM denied ever saying this but since then there hasn't been anything else

Love when people outside of your home think they can tell you what you can/can't do in your own house. Have similar issue with SD. Her dad tells her she doesnt have to listen to me because im not one of her parents. So when she says this I tell her "you're right, i'm not your mom or your dad but this is my house and you will follow the rules as your mom and I set up and if not your mom will make sure you follow them or be punished." My DW is comig around (guilty parenting syndrome) and SD knows not to mess with me because I can see right through her bs. Truth be told sweetness has a point about treating skid as normal aspossible because by ignoring skid you are making SDs mom look like a prophet when shes tells SD all these lies about you. Good luck!

The pp's are right. Ignoring the kid just proves her right.
I have said this over and over again on here - you can't take what kid's do and say personally. You just cannot do it. My mom gave this piece of advice when my first was born and it has saved my sanity everyday since. That's not to say that I don't sometimes take things to heart, but I quickly brush it off because I remember her sage advice.

As a parent, you put it all out there - you love your kids unconditionally, you give them everything possible to make life interesting and enjoyable, you feed and clothe them and worry and plan and listen to inane chatter in the backseat of the car and laugh and play mind-numbing games... and then one day they look you in the face and say they hate you. That you're the worst parent on the face of the earth. That you're stupid and you have no idea what's going on. Most people would cringe and back away from someone who does that. You might even stop loving the way you have, stop doing the things for them that you usually do, stop being affectionate - all in order to protect your own heart. But, as a parent, you CANNOT do that. Loving a child is WAR. It's heading straight into the line of fire, even though you KNOW you're going to take a bullet. Parenting is still loving a child even when you're being rejected. This is how it's always happened, how it always will happen, how we treated our parents (because I'm sure most of us have forgotten how horrible we were to our own parents, and they still loved us).

That's not to say we should just accept the crap that kids can throw out - they should receive consequences for their rudeness. But we cannot allow their rudeness to affect our ability to love them they way they deserve to be loved. That breeds insecurity and distrust in the relationship and it's hard to get that back. But that's why we're the adults and they're the children - we KNOW better.

This is one of the hardest things to learn as a parent - to love fully without expectation.

I would hate for SD and/or bm to know if they've made me feel bad...how do you feel about her knowing she got to you? are you ok with that?

I think you should continue doing what you've been doing all along and like everyone else said, don't take her crap personally. Just know she's being her mommy's little parrot right now and going along with it bc she's too impressionable to think for herself right now.

Now,when she becomes an adult and still acts like a jerk...ignore her all you want. but for now, I think you should give her another chance and just remember that PAS is an ugly thing that will take over a really good kid and make them act like an ass.

Stepberg, I've never said that kids shouldn't be held responsible or shouldn't receive consequences for their actions. In my above post, I said that kids SHOULD receive consequences for their rudeness (which would be their "actions"). Age has nothing to do with it.

But there is a difference between loving them and accepting bad behavior. I love my kids with my whole being. I would go to the ends of the earth for them - I would die to protect them. But if my kid came to me or DH, looked us in the face and raged at us, I would say, "Kiddo, I love you. But that's beside the point here. Your behavior is unacceptable to me and this is what's going to happen because of your inability to control yourself..." and then give kiddo a consequence, like taking the TV out of the room, or taking the PS3 or DS or phone or whatever the currency is... and let kiddo know what they have to do to get those items back.

That doesn't change how I should treat them - I should still treat them with love. I don't turn that love off just because of some harsh words or actions (barring physical abuse). I can act that way with anyone else... If my friends treat me badly, talk about me behind my back, I can turn away from them. I can put the kibosh on how good I am to them. That's conditional love: You treat me well, I'll treat you well... conditions are set on the parameters of the relationship.

But I love my children unconditionally. However, that doesn't mean I'm a doormat...