ABSOLUTELY.. I agree w/you 100% He cant continue to enable her to treat you and your dd like you dont exist. She is trying to make you into a 2nd class citizen. She is 24 yrs old.. she should grow up and learn how to give respect to people that have helped her in life. Too bad she didnt like getting the boot.. She is an adult.. and as such should learn how to be on her own. I was at age 22. And I am proud to say that I supported myself since that age.. and have made my life into something. She on the other hand will always feel entitled as long as her daddy allows her to be entitled.

He already set her up in a place and gave her $1000.00, so the least she could do in return is stop pulling that kind of crap with you.

The only right thing for him to do is decline the invitation. What she's doing is wrong, and if he goes, he's not doing his job as her father, and of course, especially not as your husband- why would you want a husband who doesn't stick up for you?

This is the same problem I have. When my son is rude to my H, I remind him of everything H has done for us, and demand that he respect him, and when H has a problem, I do my best to correct my son.

But when his kids do something wrong to me, he always takes their side
and I have lost love and respect for him as a result.

They are adults. He cannot control nor be responsible for their behavior.

They are also his children. Of course he loves them. But loving them is not a betrayal of you.

However it got there, you've got a very clear boundary established and I would embrace it. I would be glad that I don't have to personally deal with the skids anymore. I mean, regardless of what SD24 or the others have done, they are still his children. There are not a lot of things that you and I as mothers wouldn't forgive of our own children, right? Maybe this really is the best alternative. He gets to see them, but you and BD don't have to. Of course he's going to want to visit with them over the holidays, but hey, you're off the hook! You don't have to buy another gift or endure another minute in the company of his offspring if you don't want to.

It actually sounds like the answer to a lot of other people's prayers, believe it or not! Would you not forgo a few hours a couple of times a month just for the pleasure of NOT having them in YOUR life on a regular basis?

Your DH cannot control their behavior and I don't think it's fair of you to punish him for the behavior of the other adults in his life. You can't think he supports their behavior. He doesn't. Of course he doesn't want them or anyone else hurting his wife. But you can't ask him to choose between you and his children, no matter how horrid they are, and you can't hold him accountable. They're not children. They may be acting like it, but they aren't.

I don't think it's a choice for him between his wife and his children. I think it's a choice for YOU... can you accept him being in their lives as long as it doesn't affect you or are you going to insist on them changing their behaviors for you to want to stay with your husband? I think a marriage is between the two people who took the vows. I see you letting others influence that union when they absolutely should not. What do you think about that? Can you just live your life as if they don't even exist and be okay with him still having a relationship with them? Because you can bet your bottom dollar that they will not apologize or make ammends simply at his request and he cannot disown his children simply at yours.

~ Anne ~

"Adjust on the fly, or you're going to cry."
Steve Doocy, The Mr. and Mrs. Happy Handbook

This is what I have an issue with. "This is, of course, planned for one of the two Saturday nights per month that DH and I are child-free--our going-out-together night."
I would put a stop to that. I would tell him we have 2 date nights per month and if you want the marriage to be ongoing then you need to be here for date night.
Be happy the witch got a life somewhere else and you don't have to deal with her. Us successful sps know that the skds were there when we got there and they are going to be there after we are gone. A parent is not going to or expected to give up their kds regardless of the age. The witch thinks she is spiting you and hurting you when in actuality this is what most people would pray for. Enjoy the time with your daughter when he is gone, movies, dinner and just girl time.

I think it is really unfortunate that your sd is behaving in this manner and it is unfair to your bd. I would try to talk to bd and try to explain why this behavior is bulls*it and let her know that you are sorry about it. Thankfully, you do not have to tolerate any rudeness to your bd in your own home but unfortunately if sd wants to be an ass in her own it is her decision.

I would not have sd in my home for any reason whatsoever if she was going to act like a jerk. It is tough when it comes to dh though. They are his kids. She may be acting like an asshole, but it is not fair to him to expect him to pick sides and not see his daughter. I would let him know that I fully expected him to defend you and refuse to take part in or allow any negative talk about you in his presense but I would not ask him to choose. I know it's hard and I understand why you are angry with him but this isn't his doing. If he wants to go to her house you should let him but request that he not go on any nights that you have set aside as your time.

I love Sparky's idea of using those nights as an opportunity to spend special alone time with your bd.

I know this life have chosen is not an easy one. ((( hugs )))

Georgie

I was right there with you and cheering you on, I promise I understand being insulted by the adult kids and not getting the man you love to support you by placing clear boundaries.
Heck, I have some how been blamed for being cursed at by one of them, and I just stood there while she went on a drunk spill about hating me.

They are adults true , but you do have a marriage that needs some respect to be paid to it, so can you compromise, he spends time with them BUT you ask , what if my name comes up or my daughter's ? He says if so he will not have it , if his own wife cannot be made part of the family then he will not tolerate talk about.(this is just an example) but each agree with what you can live with, like the date night. He checks with you and so many times a month you say yes but not at expense of your time together alone!!!
Based on the Bible these men as husbands are supposed to be making decisions in our best interest and treat us as the church and you know the Lord hated his temples being disrespected! AND these men, no matter what age their children are , are supposed to be setting a good example to lead his children to Christ( if you are not religious I bet you might still agree that these men should be good examples to their children , becasue we all know good men are not all religious , just as all religious men are not good!)anyway he should set an example NO MATTER WHAT AGE they are? True they are adults and they can do what they like ,but he is their father and as so their teacher and time to show them unconditional love along with fact that he will not tolerate disrespect for his wife, a man that has sense can do both!!!My suggestion, spend the time but not the money, honey! I love you but you need to understand that i love and stand by my wife would be a great thing for these brats to hear!!!!!!
Money,I heard from a friend once with older children that she told them they could do whatever they wanted , they were adults but that she cast her personal vote with HER money, I wish your DH would cast a vote against them slandering you!

"We don't understand life anymore at 40 then at 20, but we know it and admit it" Jules Renard