Guilt Parenting + Holidays + Bad Economy = DISASTER
I've been following the "guilt parenting" threads for a while now, and it sure seems that the behavior is getting ramped up for the Happy Holiday Season!
Before I became a "step," holidays were a time for family and joy. Now the holidays have turned into Hellidays, and I am dreading them already. Add the bad economy into the mix, and my stomach starts to churn.
Each year, DH promises to stay "on budget" with the money he hands out to his adult children, and each year he end up spending about half of his bonus on them. This year, DH is lucky to have survived layoffs in his company, and we are walking a financial tightrope since he just handed his 27 year-old daughter 5K (we didn't have) for her Royal Wedding. More company layoffs will happen in January.
Earlier this year I sorted through all the loose pictures of DH's kids that were in our basement, and created 5 beautiful albums through Shutterfly. These albums, one for each adult child, have pictures of their "old family," including BM. No pictures of me or BD. I thought it was the right thing to do--before the basement floods and they lose their memories forever. At that time, DH and I agreed that this year's gift to each of them would be an album AND NO MONEY. These albums cost plenty of money already!
When I remind DH of this now, he gets angry at me. How dare I deprive his adult brats of "their" money! I know he wants to put cash in each album I created, plus buy plane tickets for the Royal Daughter, plus take them all out to eat, plus, plus, plus. I want to scream in his face--WE CAN'T AFFORD THIS! Especially now! Last year there was no tree in our house and very few gifts for BD and me, but you betcha the adult brats got their money!
This Thanksgiving I am boycotting the usual family dinner (about 150 people) because I just can't take it anymore. I don't want to be there, I don't want to see DH's adult brats, and I don't want to pretend that everything is OK. I don't want to see the brats at Christmas either, and I don't want our hard-earned money to, once again, end up in their lazyass pockets. Good luck to me, huh?
Maybe the best present I can get for myself this Helliday season is a good divorce attorney.
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Happy Holidays......
Stuff his stocking with lead then cram it up his butt. Just kidding, but really now. You and BD didn't have much last year but they had everything and they are grown? WTF?
I'm sorry you are going through this when it should be a season of cheer for you and your family.
Thanksgiving???
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
"Before I became a "step," holidays were a time for family and joy. Now the holidays have turned into Hellidays, and I am dreading them already. Add the bad economy into the mix, and my stomach starts to churn."
I know exactly what you mean. Even thru the turmoil of the last weekend, I kept one bright spot-my son, coming home for Thanksgiving. Now H has informed me that his d's want to spend the night here also. That's just stupid. They live 30 miles away-there's no reason for it-this is a small house, one bathroom...
But of course, a man who has to wear shoes that match his teenage daughters shoes would never understand that.
I've decided I will concentrate on spending the time with my son-and H and his d's can work around us. They've already tried to railroad me, deciding what I will cook (of course, they insisted on SD17's favorite-deviled eggs). I told him no. I have plenty of other things on the burner without fooling around with eggs (I could, of course, make them, but I'm not going to just because he wants me to do it for SD17. F'em). So then, he says "who wants devlied eggs-vote! Both sd's & h raised their hands. He then said-it's unanimous! Guess you'll have to fix them!" Ummm, get that? The three of them vote for something, I vote against and it's considered unanimous-which clearly shows that I am not to be considered even as a vote! Too bad for them. I'll never ever fix anything I know SD17 would especially want. Never again.
In the meantime. I will start online classes in January. Preparing for R.T. school in the fall. I will get thru this-and be wiser and a better provider for myself when it is over.
So bless you, my girl. As long as i have this place to vent, I'll survive. And one day, there will be a power shift in this household. And we'll just see how they like it. (they're not gonna like it a bit-but I sure will):evil:
I've found myself in the unfortunate position of being dependent on this man in a really poor economy. So I'm now taking steps to remedy it-and it's going to take awhile. In the meantime, there's always Xanax.
I just want to say
GOOD FOR YOU SARAH AND BEWITCHED.
I was married to a control freak and after I started working on my education it got worse because I began to figure out my value which was a LOT more then what he had me valued at.
it was awful but I finished school WITHOUT his help and divorced him.
best thing I did NOW I have a nice home two wonderful BS that I can support-
good luck ladies I have faith in you stay true to yourselves!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
You GO, Bewitched!
My Hat is off to you for taking charge and starting classes! Once you start, a whole new world will open up for you--which is just what you need right now.
I only hope that once we are out of our respective situations, we have learned enough not to repeat the same mistakes again.
And the only egg that your SD17 deserves is egg in her face. Maybe some will spill on those spiffy new Daddy Shoes she has. Stick to your guns--they can't push you around in your own home!
INDEPENDENCE RULES!
Hey, girlfriend(s)...
When they know they can no longer PUSH YOU AROUND,
that's when the respect starts..
Like you, Sarah, while my H is up to his neck in
DYSFUNCTION, I will be toasting my buns (ha ha!)
on the Gulf of Friggin Mexico this Thanksgiving.
Sure, at first he was annoyed that I DARE flee the
"flock", but I'm GOING, and that's it. He's been
as sweet as pie to me all week.
Bewitched, you'll taste that freedom, too. As I
told ya, can't wait til you're posting about how
he "wants to work things out", yadda, yadda, and
you just have NO TIME for his SORRY HINEY anymore.
All of your girlfriends here on ST will shed many
NOT!!!
tears for him in his sadness.
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
my way or the highway
ok not really but it is pretty close to the truth.
Independence does rule ...and if MEN can not handle a strong independent woman then go back to the EX or go live with your little princess daughters.
SBh has SPOKEN
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
OH YEAH, SB!!
Thanks, SarahB...wow, it's gonna be one HELL OF A
GREAT DAY!! ROAR, woman, roar!!
Luv ya for that!
"No one can make you feel inferior without your consent."-Eleanor Roosevelt
meowwww
too bad it is not FRIDAY!!
"Better a diamond with a flaw than a pebble without one."
Wow, Crayon, that is so sad
But with a track record like that, I'd actually be GLAD not to have the SKids around for the holidays this year- big dinners are overrated, anyway!
You and your BF will probably have a better time together just the two of you. Have a nice, romantic meal with no phones and no drama. It can be a very pleasant day for you.
I actually enjoy the holiday times when it's just DH and I and the kids are at the other parents' houses. Last Christmas Eve it was just the two of us.
We put the fireplace on, had all the Christmas lights on, watched some holiday movies and wrapped presents togehter. It was quiet and LOVELY! The next morning when the kids arrived with all their 'baggage' and moodiness...not so much.
But at least we had one nice evening.
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis
That does sound
very LOVELY. We don't have the skids this Christmas. After all of these comments, I'm sOOOO looking forward to it.
No skids from the time they get out of school until noon on the 28th.
Vick, that would require SD17 getting off the couch
"To Thine Own Self Be True" William Shakesphere
to learn to make eggs. Last time she spent the nite here, she and SD13 argued over who would make the bed. SD17 commented that SHE had helped clear the dishes away after her birthday party, so SD13 needs to make the bed. That was 2 weeks ago-her birthday party was in May! The one and only time she lifted so much as a finger here!
Thanks, my cheerleaders. I am more determined than ever now! And trust me-there will be no eggs.:evil:
My bd17 has been making
My bd17 has been making deviled eggs for the past 5 years for Thanksgiving and Christmas. We all love them and they are so easy to make. I would suggest that the sd get up off her butt and make them if she wants to have them. I think she's old enough to be helping out in the kitchen anyway. My bd has always helped me out. Even when my sd was living here, I had her help out. Why not? They like to eat the food, don't they?
Woohoo!
I am empowered by all you guys' empowerment! Its going to be a good holiday after all for us!!!
re. Thanksgiving I told each family we will be with the other family - I just can't deal w/DH's family or mine right now! so DH and I will have a nice day off together!
"A lie told often enough becomes the truth." - Vladimir Lenin
Good for you!
Sounds absolutely terrific. Have a wonderful, child-free day
"If you have never been hated by a child, you have never been a parent."
-Bette Davis