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SS8 Weekend..... Anxiety

mouse81's picture

Submitted by mouse81 on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 3:49pm

So this coming weekend is a SS8 weekend and I'm already anxious about it. I think there's a couple of things that contribute to this, last time it was a SS weekend, I brought up a couple things with my partner that were on my mind, regarding SS, we ended up in a big fight, which resulted in shouting and chairs being kicked over, and me being kicked out of the car on the way to work. I don't handle anger very well, because of past relationships and and the chair eposide ended up with me having an anxiety attack, then once things had settled down, I got told "I need to let things go and pretty much get over it and no wonder my last marriage broke down" these words still ring in my head. The other thing is, and I know this is selfish, but I work 2 jobs and I only have 1 day off this weekend, and I know it won't be doing what I want, which is pretty much catching up. I'm not sure if I should communicate the way I'm feeling with my OH or just try and deal with it. Sorry just had to get this off my chest!

 

Comments

hereiam's picture

Submitted by hereiam on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 4:00pm

It doesn't sound like communicating with your OH works out very well.

You got kicked out of the car on the way to work? So, did you walk the rest of the way? Catch a cab? Take the bus? Did he let you back in? I'm curious because I just cannot imagine.

In another post, you say he also threatens to kick you out of the home? He sounds like a dream.

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 4:11pm

Shok

Shouting an kicking over chairs? Licked out of the vehicle ( I certainly hope you don't mean physically kicked out).

Did this abuse happen while the child was actually present? It's no wonder the child has little respect for you, his father is a abusive brute. 

You've been with him a year? Are you actually married to this man? What is happening is not normal acceptable behavior. And married or not, you need to start thinking of putting yourself and your own safety and happiness above these two people. Is is your future. It may got even more violent. 

How does this man treat you when it comes to every day living with him? 

mouse81's picture

Submitted by mouse81 on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 4:19pm

Nope no married, there was one time I would've married him in a heart beat, not so much now! Every day living is good, it's just these fights. SS8 wasn't present during this fight, although he has been in the house during others, although not to this extent. I don't think he sees these things as being violent and thinks I'm over reacting. He is 6 ft 1 and I am 5ft so these things intimidate me.

mouse81's picture

Submitted by mouse81 on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 4:14pm

Nope communication is not good, he ended up letting me back in the car, we live a fair way out of town and there's not a lot of public transport! Yes he also threatens to kick me out, although didn't this time, he just said if I can't deal with it maybe we're not meant to be.There's a lot of threats like this and I did bring this up with him and and said, "when I give you an ultimation you'll know about it" so, yeah. The thing is when things are good, they're great, we get on so well, so I thought even though being a step mum isn't easy and not exactly what I wanted it was worth it, but after these fights, these words, I start to wonder if it is worth it.

tog redux's picture

Submitted by tog redux on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 4:23pm

No matter how good things are between these fights, this kind of fighting is a serious red flag.  He insults you, throws/kicks furniture, tells you to leave and makes you get out of the car.  This is all the stuff that eventually becomes throwing stuff at you, choking and kicking you personally.  Please don't think it will never get there, this is not normal fighting.  Healthy, emotionally mature men don't kick over chairs, make their SO get out of the car and hurl insults when they are angry.  Please get some therapy to find out why these aren't huge red flags for you.

notsurehowtodeal's picture

Submitted by notsurehowtodeal on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 4:38pm

You are experiencing domestic violence and it is only going to get worse. He is exibiting both physical and mental abuse and it is only going to get worse. Please contact the Domestic Violence Hotline and talk to someone. They can help you see the patterns and give you advice on what to do next.

1-800-799-7233          www.thehotline.org

 

 

twoviewpoints's picture

Submitted by twoviewpoints on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 4:50pm

Could you find one for her country (Australia) 

Smile

Maxwell09's picture

Submitted by Maxwell09 on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 5:18pm

You’re dating a man-child. What kind of adult kicks chairs and kicks you out the car on your way to your job. He’s not worth the trouble he’s causing. 

mouse81's picture

Submitted by mouse81 on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 5:34pm

I just dont know, I guess cos it hasn't been physical contact I dismiss it more than I should, maybe I am just annoying. I'm also not in a great financial situation, my ex has left with me a lot of debt and I dont know how I can afford to live alone. I'm 37 and going nowhere and secretly hope that it won't happen again.

 

ndc's picture

Submitted by ndc on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 8:27pm

His abuse is working - you're now questioning whether you're annoying.  Get away from the abuser.  Better to have your self esteem and be broke.  You know, no matter how much you secretly hope it won't happen again, that it will.  Your problem is not even remotely the SS, your problem is your boyfriend.  He is abusive and not good for you, and the sooner you leave him the better.  It might be very difficult in the short term, but in the long run you will be doing yourself a big favor.  Don't make excuses, just make your plans to leave and then follow through.  Abusers escalate - you don't want to be around when that happens.

notasm3's picture

Submitted by notasm3 on Mon, 10/08/2018 - 7:17pm

Many a woman whose husband beats her to a pulp and breaks bones will say "how wonderful things are when I don't make him mad."  Sounds stupid as sh*t doesn't it.  Well your way of excusing your abusive partner is no better.

TrueNorth77's picture

Submitted by TrueNorth77 on Tue, 10/09/2018 - 9:22am

If you leave (and please do), you will be ok. I do believe "where there's a will, there's a way". Find a temporary, low-cost living situation. You can continue to work 2 jobs. Perhaps you can look for a better-paying job that will allow you to be a little more secure. Apply for things even if you think you don't have all the necessary experience (trust me, I have gotten several amazing jobs that I didn't feel entirely qualified for). And then go on to be happy that you no longer have to deal with someone who throws things, kicks you out, and threatens you. This is not acceptable behavior.