I can understand how you feel.  My husband will say this:  I don't regret my years with my ex because she gave me my son and my daughter. There were times when my ex was a wonderful person.  She changed.

It is like nails on a chalkboard to me.  Seriously, she changed?  No you big Dummy, YOU CHANGED.  You were young and dumb and married a woman that liked to party hard because YOU liked to party hard.  And then YOU grew up, made something of yourself, built an amazing career and parented two small children you had with her.  She never grew up.  She, to this day, parties like she will die tomorrow, which is totally plausible seeing how she lives her life.  She changed?  NO.  She is still the self-absorbed, selfish, anti-establishment, anti-authority figure, total whack-a-doo you saddled yourself with all those years ago. You just actually see her for what she is now - not a great person.  SHE DIDN'T FREAKING CHANGE.

*deep breath*  Seriously, if I have to EVER hear that he is not sad he married that nightmare of a human being again, I will vomit, eat my vomit, and then vomit again. It was a STUPID decision and one he and I share the burden of now.  Love your kids, acknowledge the stupidity of marrying the Looney Tunes.

Sacrifice??  Hmmm, strange way of thinking about it IMO.  I bet you are thinking he still has feelings for her.  He has her, or motherhood role, on a pedestal for sure.  

Not sure you can over come this until you see by his actions that he is over her and can put a relationship with you first. That means keeping SS in his proper position in the hiarchy of life.  A kid, not a partner in the home.  Your feelings matter and they are pointing to something not quite right with his thinking.  Don't ignore that gut feeling, keep talking with him about it.  

I can see why the OP feels strange about what her OH said.  Its worded kind of odd, talking about his ex's "sacrifice." Didn't she get a son out of it too?  It does sound like he has her on some type of pedestal.  Also, I am wondering if OP felt like it was a dig at her because she isn't willing to give that "sacrifice."

Now as far as people not regretting being with their ex, I can understand that. My DH and I both say we dont regret having relationships with our exes because we cant imagine life without our kids. I dont think it takes away from what we have. We just love our kids.

You feel that way because your DH insulted you, to your face.  He’s a passive aggressive jerk.

It was really stupid of your husband to say that to you - of course it's going to affect you.  Sacrifice?  What a strange way to describe it.  Most parents are delighted to have their child and don't view it as sacrifice.  Especially knowing that you've agreed that you won't have children, it was thoughtless of your H to say such a thing (even if he thinks it).  The only reason to say it is to explain why he's still kowtowing to the BM, which I assume is not the case.  

I totally understand why you feel the way you do.  Please try not to feel that way.  If your H doesn't want more kids, then you're not failing to "live up to" anything.  The real sacrifice will be made by YOU, in being a stepmother to his son.  Being a parent is not nearly so much of a sacrifice, IMO.   

Remind him of the sacrifices you make for him and his son. Seriously.

I don't think what he said was a personal attack against you, but an engrained sense of what it means to be, specifically, a mother. We, as a society, have put motherhood on SUCH a high pedestal that anything short of idolized affirmation is considered rude and appalling.

Choosing to have a kid isn't anymore special than any other lifetime achievement. Falling into parenthood with an "oopsie" baby isnt a sacrifice; it was a mistake that some people are mature enough to make the best of. That's it. That's all.

Tell your OH:

"Parenthood is a choice that comes with many sacrifices, just like many other achievements in our lives. There are sacrifices that I make daily for you and your son out of love and appreciation for you. Appreciate that everyone makes sacrifices for the ones they love, including me."

 For 50% of the population, their existence didn't come about because of dedication, hard work, and careful planning. No, for 50% of us, our existence is a product of Debbie Does Dallas and a two-pump chump who happened to mix body fluids at just the right time - a time they had ZERO control over. Maybe remind your SO of that.

Makes me want to barf. My DH was a 20 year old very sexually inexperienced man in the army during the  Viet Nam era.  He came home on leave and took out the town bike so he could get laid. He later gets a phone call when out of the country that she is pregnant and that he had to come home to marry her.  I know that sounds absurd but that’s how things were 40+ years ago. 

She did not sacrifice to give him a child.  They were both too STUPID to use BC. 

say crap like this.  Honestly it is to "save face" as the male ego cannot bear to admit it made a mistake... a BIG mistake!  Took 12 yrs for Chef to FINALLY admit that marrying the Girhippo was a HUGE mistake.

Sacrifice?? Wutt?? Someone decided they want to be a parent, and they automatically get credit for making sacrifices? Well then, I'm Audie bleepin' Murphy, because I've sacrificed soooo much over the years. Financially, emotionally, fought the battles, lived in the trenches, cleaned up other people's messes and raised other people's damaged kids...I'm a childfree woman, for goodness sakes. THAT'S sacrifice. Sacrifice is when you have a choice, but saddle up anyway.

There is a lot of real sacrifice in being a mother. Everything from health impacts to financial impacts. And while maternal mortality has decreased a lot, it is still a risky thing to do. You may wish to criticise CuriousGeorgetta because she is not a SM, but all of you who have not birthed a child are equally lacking in a different perspective. 

I'm not saying that you don't make sacrifices, too. I know I do in being a SM. But it is a different kind of thing. 

It's easy for me, as my SO often says to me "I wish I'd met you 20 years ago." If he'd met me 20 years ago, we may or may not have had kids. We certainly wouldn't have the ones we do have - and we DEFO wouldn't have 3. Some people feel really uncomfortable wishing away the existence of their children, other people know they wouldn't miss what they didn't have. That's all this is, it's nothing more than that. 

If the ex wanted kids, it wasn't a sacrifice to have them, so I'm not sure where the sacrifice is there.

If you have a happy, healthy marriage that doesn't end in divorce, your husband has upgraded! And you don't know how many times he told her to walk out if SHE was unhappy. (And I think it's shitty to say that to your spouse, by the way.)

Don't let his failed marriage shake you. It's over and done. Your marriage is alive, though maybe in a rough patch. Put what he said out of your mind. He may have misspoken (especially because what he said doesn't really make sense if you've both decided not to have kids).

Don't let the past that had nothing to do with you drag you down. You have your own marriage and life now. Focus on that!

I'm sorry, but what century are we in?  She made a "sacrifice for him" and "gave him his son"?  I'm pretty sure it's her son, too, and perhaps she didn't actually do it "for him", but maybe because she wanted children?

That whole mindset, IMO, is sexist and self-centered.  Not sure why you'd want him to view you that way.

I remember early on in our relationship that during a conversation with DH about one of his closests friends he had said something along the lines of "the last he saw BM was when things were how they were supposed to be, ya know, happily married with kids".  It stung but I knew what he meant.  It was what he wanted.  Not necessarily with her but he has always wanted a family and was waiting for the right person.  Another story of he didn't use protection and he got "the call" when out of town.  He tried with her, but she made no sacrifice.  

Your feelings are your feelings.  Your head can tell you that you shouldn't be hurt, but it is still there.  HUGS