The blood-shot eyes are a sign, so are: munchies, dry/cotton mouth, sleepiness, sweet or skunky smell, paranoia. My brother smokes and has all of these symptoms. He even lost his job of 20+ years 3 months ago due to a positive random drug test. He still smokes. You can't make anyone quit, they have to want to do it for themselves. But definitely educate yourself about this before you do/say anything to him. If an 'intervention' is done incorrectly, it could be bad.

oh ya, he's smoking up all right. Just a warning....when people loooove their pot, they will not give it up. Its hard to give up. My dh did it after he divorced his wife....mainly because he did it for soo many years and got tired of doing nothing all day...and because he couldnt afford it since cs payments were high. (one good thing about CS) He's been clean for 8 years now. BUT, he had withdrawl symptoms for 3 years....sooo..depending on how long your bf has been using is how hard it will be to get him off the shit. For one thing, He must drop the friends and people he hangs out with...very key to dropping the weed.

He will get defensive, but unfortunately you have to put your foot down.
ESpecially wth money. DO not let him have access to your accounts, make sure the billsare paid first and tell him nicely that you will not forward more money into the remodeling ofthe house. You both live their you both pay, and if his money is going to a new habit, he better not be dibbing into the household funds/
Be direct withhim and be straight. They tend to deny they are on it as well, you dont have to tell him about the messages you have seen, basically comeout and tell him you know he is using and you will not accept and give money for this habit. he needs to stop or move out.
I'm sorry, ihave alot of experience with drug users.
1. They lie and deny.
2. They lie and start to steal when the cash runs dry and they will steal from the one they love.
3. You must be direct and tell him you love him but his habit is an issue.
4. KEEP YOUR CASH AWAY FROMHIM...MAKE SURE YOU HAVE YOUR OWN ACCOUNT.!!!

question. the money he is asking for you to dish for remodeling....does that go into a joint account??? if it does, do not give the cash. He will spend it.

but it does sound like he is definitely using. Unfortunately you are not in for a fun ride. Very addictive and people who tend to smoke it end up using daily...all day.

Show him the proof you have and tell him he either gets help or you're gone. You have no idea what he and his little gang banger looking friends are doing. Pot is illegal and if he's bringing it into your house, you will also be held responsible. Might want to keep that in mind if you have children. Plus, who knows what he may start doing that's illegal to support his habit in the future. Not a good situation.

"In three words I can sum up everything I've learned about life: It goes on." ~Robert Frost

I'm afraid I will sound like a broken record to so many people here, because my advice is what I have said to others in similar circumstances (that is -- with a BF who clearly has a part of their lives that is separate and is creating stress on the relationship in a way that will not get better).

You are sooo lucky you two are not married. My advice, honestly, is to get out. I agree with PNut Butta: show him the proof. Tell him he either gets help or you are done. Don't worry about how you got the proof - it isn't important now.

If he: denies it, gets mad and tries to change the argument into the problem being that you snooped, says he is smoking but that he will stop (but says he won't go to treatment because he can do it on his own), calls you a b**** who is trying to control him, or tells you it is no big deal -- leave him. The situation will only get worse, and you will only end up leaving him further down the road, when you're involved even deeper and it will be even harder.

If he: admits it, shows remorse, and IMMEDIATELY agrees to get help -- then I suppose you can wait and see before you make any decisions. But honestly, someone who has this much of a problem, I would never feel I could trust again. I would not be comfortable ever marrying someone who could hide this much from me and who shows such strong tendencies toward habitual illegal drug use. Think of the future with a man like this: financial stress, emotional stress from worrying it will happen again, the stress of giving your children a father like this, and finally, the stress of being with someone who doesn't care about your well-being enough to take care of himself. The only kind of man worth marrying is someone who realizes that making a commitment like that means that he is living for two. Any man who takes risks like this and lies to his GF isn't mature enough to have a long-term relationship. You deserve much better. Hell, ANYONE deserves much better.

BB

- You are not second best, you are not second class. Do not ever let anyone make you feel that way. (2Bloved)

My dh did drugs and delt them as well. I remember him saying he cleaned his act and would never do them again.
ONe time at a party, several of his user friends came and of course offered him to toke. ( its rude to smoke up and not give it around) I was out of site but watching to see if he would take. He refused. Not only once but 7 times!!! YES emmalee, they persist on giving it to him, even after so many times saying no, they were the ones that got insulted and stopped coming around.
In the end, its up to your bf to stand his ground and say no. Now if he likes it, and wants it and you cannot accept it, then bb is right, you leave and thank GOD you are not married.
If he is fighting now for custody, he's probably stressed, his friends know this and are politely pushing him to toke with them.
I'm sorry, but you must confront him and basically tell him you love him but he's gone back to his drug use ( show him proof) and that is something you cannot live with. He needs to make a decision. If he continues, you leave.
I know this will be hard, but think really hard. Do you want someone to be with, have kids with , and take care of his, since he's fighting for custody , and to be stoned ? To lie, steal and stiff you with everything when the going gets rough he takes off to toke with his druggy friends. What will you tell his kids when he comes blood shot eyed and stoned.?

From wayyyyyy back in the day, I must say YES, he is smoking pot. At least. The whole "jittery" thing makes me think there might be a little cocaine going on in there too. He's up to no good! Especially for being a Daddy!! RUN AWAY!! I'm sorry you are going through this. MEN!

is not so much the possible weed use, but the fact that he might be lying to you. A lack of honesty and the resulting loss of trust is a relationship killer. This is your primary problem in my opinion and I would confront him and tell him that you suspect him of lying and that you will leave him if he isn't straight with you. Also, you need to decide if you want to be with him and love him enough that you would be willing to stick by him if he is using and is willing to stop. If you aren't then cut the ties now (especially since you aren't married to him!). If he is lying to you then you will not be able to trust him for this or anything else. If a guy lies about drug use, then he could possibly lie about cheating on you and you could wind up broken-hearted and with an std to boot. I would address the lying first and then the possible drug use.

I have friends who smoke and have smoked before, myself. In my experience, jitteryness is not a symptom of weed smoking, unless someone is taking something else in addition (usually caffeine, cocaine, crack, or meth). Symptoms of weed smoking are red eyes, slowness, rambling speech, munchies, sometimes paranoia or anxiety, dry mouth or "cotton" mouth and sleepiness. You will definitely be able to smell it too as it has a very distinctive smell that you will carry with you after smoking, unless you take a shower and change clothes, which I assume he isn't doing when he goes out? From what you describe it doesn't sound like he is using weed. Weed never results in jitters, as it is a downer and actually makes most people very relaxed, mellow, sleepy and slow. I would be very concerned that he is doing a more serious drug, because red eyes and jitteryness can be symptoms of cocaine, meth and crack. Those you can't smell (as far as I know, I have never been around anyone who has done crack or meth, but had a boss once who did cocaine and you couldn't smell it on him). My boss that did cocaine would have red eyes and right after using, he was super hyper and chattered a lot (and talked about things he normally wouldn't share). He had a hard time concentrating, couldn't listen to anyone and had memory problems during and right after using. Cocaine is verrrrry addictive and if that's what's going on, he will need professional help to break his habit. Once other reason I think cocaine (or meth or crack) is more likely than weed, is that weed is not that expensive, but cocaine is. People can get a bag of weed, which will last for three or four days (or more) of constant, continual smoking for $20.00. I don't know exactly how much cocaine costs, but I do know that it is way, way more expensive. Cocaine use destroyed my bosses life. I was working in a restaurant and he used to use, get all hyper and energetic and then he would get angry and be irrational and yell at us all and then when the high wore off, he would get extremely depressed and lethargic. He wound up having to take narcotics (like vicodin or percocet) in order to come down from the coke. He would be all crazy and wild and then take a bunch of vicodins and then go lay down in a booth in the restaurant and sleep. His habit was so expensive and his behavior so horrible that eventually the restaurant failed and he had to file bankruptcy (he owned the place). Last I heard about him, he was living in some ghetto apartment and moved to crack because he couldn't afford coke anymore. It was a horrible thing to witness and he really needed an intervention and rehab.

It isn't your responsibility to "save" him, but you really need to confront him and find out what's really going on. Then you can decide what you are going to do next. I really don't think he's using weed, or using just weed alone, (he might be using weed to mellow down after taking an upper). I think you would smell it on him and it would cost less money than it sounds like he is spending. Also, weed is psychologically addictive, but not physically. You can smoke every day for a year and then stop suddenly and your body will not go into withdrawal. You cannot die from stopping weed, unlike other more dangerous and serious drugs. I have had stoner friends (in college) who quit smoking in order to get jobs. They smoked every day for years and then just quit and it was hard for them mentally, but not physically. Weed is often a social activity and when people quit, it's really hard to be around their friends who still smoke and I think that's one of the hardest things about quitting smoking weed. My H smoked weed in high school and his first year of college and was a total stoner. When Psycho (his ex) got pregnant, he quit smoking and hasn't touched the stuff in 11 years. At the time, he lost a huge circle of friends because it was too hard for him to be around them and their social activities revolved around smoking and stoner culture. So losing friends was hard for him, but physically he didn't have any problems and I've never heard of anyone having problems.

There aren't rehab centers for weed smokers because it's not dangerous to go off of weed. Weed is relatively safe (except that it damages your lungs, although far less than cigarette smoke) and it is impossible to overdose on it. It is often called "weed" because it actually really is a weed. It used to grow naturally all over the United States although it was a far weaker version of the plant that is smoked today. Native Americans used to smoke it, but considered it a pesky weed as did most people back in the day. Over time, people cultivated stronger strains of the plant and the weed today is three times as strong as the weed that was smoked in the seventies. It was used medicinally by early settlers and Native Americans and many people now use it medicinally (hence the Medical Marijuana debate) for cancer, AIDS, chronic pain and anorexia. It is a safe painkiller, helps with nausea (that often accompanies chemotherapy and AIDS medications) and increases appetite for those who have trouble gaining weight or eating. It really does have medicinal value, but is mostly used for recreational purposes. Sorry to ramble on about this, but my mom is a counselor and is currently working for an outreach center for drug addicted homeless teens and I hear about this stuff from her all the time.

The common upper drugs, cocaine, meth and crack, are extremely dangerous and addictive. Withdrawing from these after continual use can actually kill you and is hellishly difficult. Someone with a habit of using one or all of these drugs will need to go to a rehab center where they can taper you off the drug and keep you safe and watch you. Addicts can have seizures really easily when withdrawing and the withdrawal symptoms are so awful that anti-anxiety drugs and replacement fluids are often used (under a doctors supervision, of course).

Well, anyway, I wish you the best of luck with this. I really hope it turns out that he isn't using anything, or anything serious and I hope that he isn't lying to you. I'll be sending good wishes for you and hoping for the best. Keep us posted!

"The truth shall set you free." ~John 8:32

Emm....I work in law enforcement....keep in mind....u live in that house.....if there is a raid and they find drugs in the home, u may be charged too....I have seen many an "innocent" gf/spouse charged with possession and even in some extreme cases, manufacturing....U have no idea what he may be into...he may be dealing or he may not.....yur comment that "at least he's making money" may end u up with serious legal troubles....u need to protect yurself.....I also have seen many bfs throw their gfs under the bus to avoid charges....just another perspective u should consider.... good luck

A mother is not defined by the "b" or the "s" in front of her name, she is defined by how she handles the "mother" part.....

That sounds more like coke, crack, meth or pill habit.

In my earlier years I was addicted to meth and script pain pills. Some of the signs of coke, meth, or other use is dilated pupils, jitters, paranoia, starting something and never finishing, disappearing sums of cash, behavior and attitude changes from normal (they seem to have an invincible type of attitude). When a person is coming down or out of their drug of choice they have flu like symptoms, very restless and jumpy, restless sleep, very very irritable, spends alot of time on the phone looking for their drug.

Usually if you smoke week you get very hungry and then very sleepy. Not saying ppl don't get highly addicted to pot but I think it is rare that someone would spend large sums of money on it unless they are big time dealers.