OMGSH Get off my shoes!
So SD13 chose to live with mom FT and she is only here EOW. It really hurt her dad’s, my DH’s feelings but it has been a huge step for us in convenience and privacy.
I really love the change.
i’ve noticed that SD13 is now extra affectionate towards DH, to the point of making him uncomfortable. She “hangs on him” in hugs, stands on his shoes, and sits on his lap. She never used to be this way. And when he said something about her being “a little big” for this, she paused as if she had been waiting for that comment and said “wait, big??” She has gained a solid intertube of weight around her stomach since living at her mom’s full-time, so yes, big is the right word! HA! I laugh because it is so awkward and uncomfrotable to watch. For everyone. All family members. Not just me. SD13 has a real issue with physical boundaries and it is a bit of a treat to watch DH suffe through something he has done great at ignoring when it affected others, like her same-age cousins or ME.
He asks her to stop and get off of him, but she giggles. He has to ask several times. Anyway, I just thought it was odd. She is this way with anyone she wants attention from wherher a kid near her age or an adult. Her mom leaves her to be babysat by her mom’s bf all the time, and I hope to God she does not do this to him.
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Eww, this makes my skin crawl
Eww, this makes my skin crawl. This girl needs a reality check pronto. She’s the poster child of someone that could easily be groomed into sexual abuse by BM’s boyfriend, or any other male, because she’s not being taught boundaries, or they’re not being heavily enforced at least.
I guess it’s a positive that your DH is not okay with this behavior, though it sounds like he could be a lot more firm with her. There are much healthier ways to bond over their EOW visits.
As much as I loathe the pet names my DH will occasionally use with his 12 year old daughter (he’s constantly working on it), I’m super thankful there isn’t any physical weirdness. It would ick him out so bad.
He asks her to stop and get
Asks? SD should be TOLD - and your DH should make certain she understands. Once is usually enough, twice maybe for absolute clarity. Any more and it is outright beligerent defiance. One's boundaries should not be open to the humerous negotiations of a 13 year old child.
I agree that he shouldn’t
I agree that he shouldn’t have to “ask” multiple times. It should be a blanket “look SD, you’re too old to be sitting on my lap or standing on my shoes. No more, got it?”.
If he keeps asking her to stop, he’s going to just end up having to repeat himself a million times. SD9 does that here. If my SO tells her or asks her to do something in a tone that seems to leave room for argument, she will argue or try to turn it into a game of not listening. Sometimes he will start to get frustrated and his tone changes and he will say “ok, let me put it this way, I am TELLING you that you are going to do this/stop doing this, do you understand?”. You can actually see her realize the game is over and she now must listen, and she immediately puts on a pouty face and does what he says.
Your SD’s behavior would drive me bonkers. Hell, I even think SD9 is too old to be sitting on my SO’s lap, so I nicely told her so, and she stopped.
“wait, big??”
“wait, big??”
I'm still stuck on that comment she made, like she has been hoping her behavior will warrant a response that she can then cry fat shaming. I doubt it's that nefarious, but with how things are now a days you just never know.
Fat shaming
I got stuck on that too. 13 is a confusing age, so anything is possible.
Healthy boundaries
Munchkin SD12 used to hang on DH as well, and shove herself in between us when we hugged. At first I thought it was cute, a way to be "included". But after a while I got really annoyed. He started telling her to stop, and he doesnt kiss her on the lips as when she was a baby. This girl at 13 needs some really healthy boundaries so that she can a. stop icking everyone out and b. protect herself now and in the future with men/boys...