Close to the End...

For all of you that have been keeping up with my bogs/forum topics and have noticed that I have been at the end of my rope for awhile now..well i have decided to give myself some time be alone and think about my options and my future. For those of you that don't know..my BF is into drugs and dealing it. I don't remember who said it (sorry!) but someone wrote on my blog that everyone is only allowed a certain amount of baggage to bring into a relationship. Well my BF has brought 2 huge items of baggage into our life together (son and drugs). I just can't take it anymore. The drugs was supposed to be out of his life forever as he told me when we first met. But its made its way back in. And he has also lied to me about using drugs for a few months now. I had finally gotten the courage to confront him about it..and he dealt with it pretty well and assured me that I'm more important than any of it but the next day he says he thought about it and he can't stop the dealing because we need the money but that hed stop smoking. I asked him why don't you want to make an honest living? If we can't afford our place now, then we'll sell and downscale, but he won't do that. I don't get it. I'm devastated that its over. I cannot continue to live like this forever. As I said before when his son is over, everything's crazy, he misbehaves and BF doesn't think theres anything wrong with it. I talked with BM(we get along fine) and she said we need to be more scrict when we have SS. But I think thats BF's responsibility. But anyway I'm currently making arrangements for where I'm going to stay and how I'm going to get all my stuff out. I don't know if I should say its over, call me when you get over this or lets take a break. I'm not sure what I want either, I do love him like crazy and everything its driving me nuts. Well thats my rant for the day. If anyone has an idea what I'm trying to say and could give me some feedback that would be great. Thanks!

emmalee05's blog
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honey I'm glad you've made a

honey I'm glad you've made a decision even though it's a tough one. I think you're doing the healthy thing for yourself. Maybe this will be a wakeup for BF? And if not at least you'll be safe and under less stress. I know this isn't making you happy but hopefully once you're all settled and in a new routine you'll have peace.

Good luck doll...keep everyone updated and stay strong:)

~The aim of life is self-development. To realize one's nature perfectly - that is what each of us is here for.~
Oscar Wilde

I haven't read your previous

I haven't read your previous bog but from here I say you're making the right choice. Have you ever thought what will happen when he gets arrested? AND he will. You do not want to be in the middle of any of that.

I think you're making the

I think you're making the right choice. If he is using now, he's going to continue. Seriously, how will he be able to stop if he's still dealing? That's a mighty big temptation to have that crap lying around.

Will you be able to afford the place you're living in when (there is no if, just when) he goes to jail? All it'll take is someone he sells too getting busted and there he goes for months...possible even years depending on what they find.

Look, I just think you deserve better. I'm sure you love him very much, but it doesn't sound like he's thinking very clearly about the ramifications of his actions right now. If he has drugs in the house, you may also get into trouble. Do you want to go to jail? That's a big possibility, and one you seriously need to consider.

I wish the best for you, and I hope you are comfortable with the decision you decide to make. I think you really need to look inside your heart AND your head and do what you know is right for you....and no one else.

"To us, family means putting your arms around each other and being there." ~Barbara Bush

I agree with Katrinkie. You

I agree with Katrinkie. You should try to get out as soon as possible, before you are implicated in any kind of mess.
I know its hard because I know you love him, but he seems to not be all that concerned with your feelings as much as he is with himself.
(((HUGS)))

Thanks everyone...yes his

Thanks everyone...yes his lifestyle is very distorted right now and I'm sure he doesn't know what hes doing. I have all these plans about how I can help him but I know that if he's not ready to change no one can help him. I'm heartbroken and in a complete mess. I know I will have to tell my friends and family but I'm not sure how much detail to go into. I moved away from them all to be with my BF because he has to stay in his area because of his son. It's just so sad that he can't see things the right way. He's too into his lifestyle and lying. I know it has nothing to do with me anymore but should BM somehow find out about this? Shouldn't she know that Bf is back into that stuff..that was her argument as to why BF shouldn't be in his son's life.

when telling friends and

when telling friends and family be careful not to disclose too much and be careful not to demonize BF to them just in case his does straighten up his act and you try to have a relationship in the future with him you don't want your friends and family to completely hate him. Don't wait around for him to change though honey...having faith in ones ability to change is one thing but holding out for years waiting for an addict to help themselves is really really hard.
I think BM has a right to know what's going on with the father of her child. I don't think you should be the one to tell her just bc you don't need that kind of burden on you right now with the emotional state you're in.