Who's A Bad Parent??? You decide.
Though shameful to admit, I look soooooo forward to the weekends that my SD's are gone. And I get irritated when the plans are changed, not to my advantage. I can admit that I need a break from them, it's normal. I need a break from my own kids at times as well.
It's just different with skids. I don't care how hard you try to relate to them like your own...you can't. I just don't feel the connection that I have with my own children. Partially, because BM has put so many wedges in between us over the years, that I now feel so uncomfortable trying to make any kind of a bond for fear of misinterpretation on her part.
Parts of me feel it's because she is so jealous of me, that she goes out of her way to make me look bad in their eyes. I don't try to play the "mommy dearest" routine with them, that's her game, not mine! She's so fake, it's almost sickening. The disturbed woman can't even pick up the phone during the week to call and talk to her kids...I mean come on, you can't be that busy. Oh wait a minute, I forgot you are out and about chasing your musician boyfriend...that's more important that speaking with your daughters. But we're the bad parents because we provide a loving, stable home in a suburb with an excellent school system, and we take them on vacations too...aren't we horrible!
Well, according to her WE ARE!
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Comments
I hear ya!!
I know the feeling. Read some of my blogs and you will see I am right along with ya. I have been a part of my SS's life for many years and at first I tried so hard to be a great parent to my SS and every time BM would either try and out do me, as if I was trying to compete with her or she would make my SS feel bad for having fun at something we were doing, or she would make promises to him that she would do something better than what we have done for him or provided for him and then she would not keep her promises.
So yes, I look forward to the weekends that SS is at BM's as well. I do not know if you have custody of your SD's but it sounds like you do. I say that my "Monday is my drinking day" (typically), because we have custody of SS and when he goes to BM's every other weekend and when he comes back on Monday and we all sit down to dinner and he decides to share with us the events over the weekend I usually need a drink!
Sometimes I feel like an evil stepmom but I agree with you, to the fact that BM has put wedges in the relationship between the skids and the stepmom. Sometimes it is very hard for us, because no matter what we are damn if we do and damn if we don't. So right now I am at the point where I do not even care anymore, I know it is awful to say but I am done with the games and watching toes.
Oh and jealousy I am all to familiar with that. BM is much younger than me and she use to envy me soooo much, because I could be a great mother to her child and have a career. while she partied did drugs and drank herself in to an oblivion. Well later down the road she thought ok this woman (me) who is caring for her child and has her ex, well she wanted to be me or have everything I had, she made stupid attempts with my ex and he just laughed at her and shut her down, then she went through the courts and they told her "no, no, it does not work that way". so of course she got jealous and lashed out. Now she tries to tell my SS that I am jealous of her, because she is prettier than me and makes more money than me, if you can believe that one. How this would ever come up in a conversation at her home I have no idea, but when my SS comes home from her house on Monday's he tells me this, I of couse tell him I am not, but to myself I am thinking this woman has lost her freaking mind. she weighs 225 pounds at least, does not have a job (at least not a leagal one), has been evicted from her home and now lives in some dump somewhere, in a white trash neighborhood, and her car was repo'd. Oh yes let me tell you I am jealous of all that "all 130 pd me, who owns my home and my car and vacations often and has a job of status". But you know whatever helps her sleep at night.
I guess we are just awful people!
My Two Cents
DH has custody of his son FT, and I can't wait for the weekends during the school year when he's visiting BM and during the summer months when he's gone two weeks each month! I don't think it makes me awful. I have a daughter whom I adore but I also can't wait for the weekends when she's at her dad's or visiting my parents.
I never bonded with DH's son. Long story but while DH and I dated, I never was around the child. After we married, it became apparent that the boy who came along with my DH quite clearly was NOT the boy my DH had portrayed him to be. DH claimed (and I bought it!) son was helpful, respectful, considerate, caring, and responsible. The boy who lives with us now would rather drive nails under his own fingernails than help out. He's rude and self-centered. He cares only about himself and manipulates and lies to get what he wants. He's so irresponsible that he can't be left alone in our home. His report card consists of Ds/Fs. He's a trainwreck and everyone (DH, BM, his GPs) around him coos and cuddles him, except for me, so I'm the wicked SM.
DH can't seem to understand why after all of these years and everything that has happened why I don't have the burning desire to want to be near his son or why I get happier on the weekends when he's leaving. Are men really that dumb? I mean, that's coming from someone whose wife kicked him out in the first place because she was having an affair with the kid's soccer coach and he gets on his high pedestal about people lying and manipulating but thinks I should put up with his son (and actually his ex-wife, too) doing the same thing to us?
Mean people suck.
oh my gosh- you are singing my song
this post expresses my feelings EXACTLY- I mean, these kids are NOT the angels everyone seems to think they are- they are little shits half the time- if you're lucky.. more then half if you're not.. and when WE try to be the voice of reason, we are the mean ones... I swear- this is me... I dread the weeks w SS and do suddenly feel lighter and happier when hes gone.. GEE I WONDER WHY?? As the adults we are supposed to just take whatever they dish out, and remain June Cleaver... uuummm not likely... well i could go on and on but.. juts wanted to tell you .. I feel your pain
hang in there
Shannon
She is jealous of you Chantal....
which is why she tries to make you look bad and won't leave you alone. In my case it is the SM that is jealous of me and can't seem to get a life and leave me alone. She knows that I am prettier than her and so she says I am fat (funny, my son regularly points out that her "boobs are saggy" and her butt is "way bigger than your!") She knows that I am more successful than her and so she claims that I am unemployed, while also claiming that she has this great "career" (failing to mention that it is at WalMart); oh and her big college degree (a BA that took NINE YEARS to get!) What a success!
I am much younger than her and I have a happy life that does not revolve around deceit.... she and her dh lie to each other daily beacuse they can't face the truth of one another. They originally bonded over hatered and built a relationship on lies and hurting others. Now her dh has one foot out the door and is enjoying a few more vacations until their son is a bit older... then hes gone... Most recently they went to Hawi.... he says he wants to go at least once more before he leaves her.
Feeling jealous yet anyone? She also can't seem to stand the fact that I have grown into a stable, successful woman with a dh sent from heaven and two awsome kids along with two of the best stepkids ever.... She does not like the fact that I have made more of myself than she ever will and it is all genuine... not a big facade like her life.
My son's sm spent years trying to make my own son hate me and when she finally realized that it was never going to work she began this big kick of saying that I am jealous of her! Are you kidding me! Jealous of what? Your winner hubby?? Your job at WalMart? The fact that you own a house (yippie) but it is rat infested with a leaking roof?? That you needed a co-signer to get the run down house in the first place?? Oh, wait... maybe I'm jealous of your tennis ball head and gnarly unibrow?? HUMMMM... so much to choose from.... yep... I'm definately jealous!
The funny thing too is that my son saw right through her and I never had to speak a poor word toward his sm because her own actions spoke louder than anything else could have.
So, let the bm ruin herself... the kids will grow up and they are not stupid.... they will see her for what she is.
You're Right Chocoholic...
She is jealous of me, and if I stopped to think about it, she should be! What does she have...absolutely nothing! She's 39 years old, working for little money for a temporary agency, and rents an apartment in Chicago for an ungodly amount of money. She owns nothing of any value. Her credit is horrible, which is why she has to rent, and doesn't have a car. She appears to be very intelligent on paper. She has a bachelor's degree, but the woman has no street smarts. Even the child psychologist noted that she repeatedly fails to live up to her potential. She has absolutely no self esteem or confidence either. With all this up against her, no wonder she doesn't have custody of her own children.
Sounds like my son's sm!
32 years old, applying the 9 years she spent in college obtaining her BA by working at Walgreens! Owns a home but it is rat infested with a leaking roof... involved in a loveless marriage based on deceit... and most importantly, she CANNOT BRING ME DOWN! I think that alone makes her more miserable than anything else.