Why is brutal honesty wrong???

Whenever I am brutally honest, it gets me into trouble. I'm not sensative enough...or you can't say that, it's not appropriate...you'll hurt their feelings if you say that...blah blah blah! I am the type of person who voices my opinion, be it good or bad. If it's not perceived as "Positive" then, I shouldn't say it, is the consensous in my home. Why is being honest and expressing your feelings wrong??? Is hiding your feelings to save face right?

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I don't hide my feelings, but

I don't hide my feelings, but have been told similar in the past. Maybe its the tone? Sometimes just changing the tone or phrasing makes things a little easier. I used to think that is bullshit, why should I do that? Well, because if you want people to listen you'll do it. If you don't care if they listen and just want to sound like an a-hole, then keep doing it the way you have been.

People don't listen when they are put on defense. Then they make you the attacker and the one who is wrong, overly critical. It just happens whether its your intention or not.

Yep, silence. No one wants to

Yep, silence. No one wants to hear it, even if its the truth.

How well do you take brutal

How well do you take brutal honesty from someone else?

I don't agree with if it isn't perceived as "positive" it shouldn't be said, but I also have to say that most hurtful things can be said with enough tact to make it acceptable & easier for someone else to hear.

It isn't healthy to hide your feelings, but relationships of any kind will suffer if you can't share your feelings with some tact.

Brutal honesty typically is "brutal". Honesty doesn't have to be.

IMHO there is nothing wrong

IMHO there is nothing wrong with being honest, factual and expressing your opinion.

It is the brutal part that is likely causing your problem.

When I vent without considering my specific words I cause myself more trouble than when I express the same thoughts and facts with more considered wording.

I hide nothing, I express my opinion and I am honest but I attempt to communicate these things in a way that invokes discussion rather than conflict. When I don't, I get angry, the person/people that I am speaking with get angry and we get no where.

Any topic can be addressed in a way that causes no one to loose face and in a way were everyone can retain some dignity. If the people are important enough to share your feelings and opinions with then they are important enough for you to consider the impact of how you are saying what you are saying.

It is not about presenting it in a way that is positive or not. It is about presenting it in a way that is not offensive. You can present something negative in a way that is not offensive just as you can present something positive in a way that ridicules.

I get what you're saying

I get what you're saying here. However, it's not very easy to do this when you are in a situation that requires immediate attention or response. I'm programmed to react accordingly, and sugar coating isn't always an option with timing.

It doesn't have to be

It doesn't have to be sugar-coated...just respectful. Likely the same as what you would expect in return.

Respect isn't something that should require time. It should always be there.

Is it your DH who doesn't

Is it your DH who doesn't like what you have to say or is it the skids? I can be quite blunt myself but I usually try to choose my words carefully when speaking with DH on skid matters. I try not to talk to SS without DH being present. That way, there can be no complaints by SS to BM that I was mean when DH was a witness and more often than not, supportive of what I've said.

I had a friend in high school

I had a friend in high school that used to always brag about how brutally honest she was. Most people just thought she was a b!tch. Sorry, but true.
I believe that we should always be honest, but you don’t have to go out of your way to be rude or mean when being honest. Maybe if you give an example of your idea of brutal honesty?

I try to be kind in all my

I try to be kind in all my interactions-even when i am sharing something that the other people dont view as a positive. I can get my point across in a nice tone, without cursing. However, with skids-I do agree that many bio parents feel that all interactions must be positive at all times.

I remember getting "in trouble" once for telling my ss that teamwork was important and that he should go to scheduled games unless something important comes up because he doesnt want to let his team down. I gave an example of how lots of people were invested in his activity and just because he didnt feel like attending he'd be lettting alot of people down. I gave an example of how if he didnt feel like attending a game then perhaps I might not feel like taking him to practices throughout the week and then soon enough he'd be off the team as the coach wuoldnt allow him to occassionally come to games when he felt like it and not attend practice. He went back and told his bm that I said that and she called my dh who told me I cant say "things like that". That was around the time I started disengaging.