Is housework done for "love" or "necessity?" Thoughts...please!
This was a discussion that occurred in my home yesterday. How many of you do housework because it is an act of your "love?" How many of you do it because it needs to be done and consider it your responsibility?
I'm sure most of you can relate to this question, and will probably side with most women who do the majority of the housework in the home. It's not that I mind doing the housework at times, but I really don't think I do it out of love. It's more a chore for me, and I don't consider chores a passion or a way to show love.
When I responded that I don't feel I do housework out of love I was told I was "a cold hearted bitch" if I felt that way. I don't think I'm the only one who feels housework is a chore, and done because it needs to be done.
What's your opinion????
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Its my responsibility to
Its my responsibility to clean up after myself and do my share of the work around our home. However, I do not clean up after skids when they visit. SO must do that now.
I do other things to show love. Housework is a responsibility I also work full time. So everything feels like a chore
Housework is a
Housework is a responsibility. I love my husband dearly, but I'll be damned if I'm going to trail behind him to pick up his mess.
I despise cleaning. I always thought it would be one of those things I'd just get used to doing & it wouldn't really bother me. It'd just become part of my routine. 17 years later, I'm still waiting for that time to come. I can fix a meal out of love & appreciation. Scrubbing toilets, mopping floors, & folding clothes...that's entirely out of obligation.
I do it because it is
I do it because it is expected. No one else will do it. I would be embarassed for someone to see it unclean....
That being said, I do think I am OWED much appreciation for my efforts and some help now and then would be nice. I work full time have two bio's full time and two skids 50% of the time. One woman can only do so much!
Saying you do it out of love
Saying you do it out of love to me is a way to "sell" it to yourself. I've been following the Flylady.net website for years. She's also on facebook. She has the attitude that housework, even done incorrectly blesses your family. She's got an awesome attitude and following her methods have greatly improved the order from chaos in my home.
Do I feel I do housework out of love? Not really. But I least I'm not doing it with total resentment.
I find these responses
I find these responses interesting. I told my husband that I was going to research this subject online today, and honestly I thought I might get responses that would favor his opinion. He felt I should be doing "housework" out of love for my family. When I told him my opinion varied differently, and I felt I was doing these things out of "duty" or "necessity," I was told I sounded like a cold hearted bitch. This really threw me, because I don't consider housework an act of "love." Apparently, he does and couldn't believe I think differently. In fact, he made me feel I was abnormal for thinking this, and I have been second guessing my feelings since last night. Thank goodness I am not alone here, and have found some solice in this forum.
Nope, not alone. Did you
Nope, not alone. Did you laugh at his comment? I would have. You don't sound like a cold hearted bitch. You sound like you responded to something ridiculous. People who want their way will make you second guess.
He does minimal amounts of
He does minimal amounts of housework. ie...mowing the lawn, picking up dog poop..etc. It's not that I am complaining about the housework he does, though little, I just don't understand how he perceives it as an act of "love." The next question I was attacked with was, "what do you do out of love for us?" I was so rattled at this point, I simply couldn't come up with an honest answer. This is why I thought maybe he's right, maybe I do all the housework, cook meals, chauffeur kids around and laundry out of "love." So I came here to get some honest opinions from other women in similar situations.
I see the point to an extent.
I see the point to an extent. DH and I both do things around the house for each other. If I work late, DH has dishes done, laundry put away, house straightened and my dinner cooking. He knows I would do it or help him, but he wants me to be able to relax when I come home. I will do the same for him.
Cleaning house really stinks!
Cleaning house really stinks! I do admit I get satisfaction from having a clean house! I hate that I am the only who seems to notice if it is clean or dirty! I certainly don't clean out of "love" as I do it out of necessity more than anything!
I told my DH because I was the only one that bothered to clean, and worked F/T and I was tired that I deserved help and if it wasn't going to be from him and the kids then I would hire help!! I waited a month for "help" from DH and never got it!! I now have a lady that comes in twice a month!! Now that I LOVE!! }:)
I was told I was "a cold
I was told I was "a cold hearted bitch" if I felt that way. I don't think I'm the only one who feels housework is a chore, and done because it needs to be done.
What's your opinion????
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First off, I would wash his mouth out with soap for calling you a bitch. Unbelievable what some of you good women will put up with. Grrr
House work to me is a chore to me. I cook out of love. lol
"I despise cleaning. I always
"I despise cleaning. I always thought it would be one of those things I'd just get used to doing & it wouldn't really bother me. It'd just become part of my routine. 17 years later, I'm still waiting for that time to come. I can fix a meal out of love & appreciation. Scrubbing toilets, mopping floors, & folding clothes...that's entirely out of obligation"
YEP...I cook out of love...cleaning? NOPE. I can never seem to stick to a schedule it seems! I wish I could hire it out honestly.
I do the house work because
I do the house work because it needs to get done. Believe me it's definitely not out of love. In fact many times as I've been cleaning I've told myself, "You'd have to do this if you lived alone."
DH will help out but won’t do it on his own. An example would be if he sees me dusting he’ll vacuum. But he won’t clean the house on his own UNLESS his parents are coming to visit then he’s Mr. Clean.
We do have chores that we split: DH does all the car maintenance & cooking. I do all the laundry & gardening.
I guess the thing that really irritates me is that DH and SSs won’t refill anything, I’m the refill fairy at our house. As in refill the q-tip, mouthwash, dixie cup, & liquid soap dispensers, put the new TP roll on the holder, refill the napkin holder – No one but me seems to have figured out how to do these things.
Once I just let everything remain empty. DH commented something like everything is empty at one time. I said yes, that’s because the refill fairy died. He laughed and refilled everything-that ONE time.
Now it’s kind of a joke between us but still he won’t refill something unless I catch him in the act of emptying a dispenser. And I’ve had many conversations that begin something like, “Seriously?!? DH, you put out a new TP roll but were too lazy to put it on the holder?”
~BettyRay
I like to do housework, I
I like to do housework, I find it calming. But I am fully aware that I am in the minority. Plus I have a little ocd and I like things the way I like them so if I clean I know it will be the way I want it. I wouldn't say it was love but it is slightly theraputic. Not a chore to me at all, except vacumming.......I hate to vacuum
Damn! We're all a bunch of
Damn! We're all a bunch of cold hearted bit(hes!
Anyway, I'm casting my vote for necessity. Trust me, when I'm scrubbing a puke splattered toilet, love is the last thing on my mind.
Lol!! Necessity...seems to
Lol!! Necessity...seems to be the common answer here..not one answer of out of love. I spoke with him at lunch at told him that I haven't found any women who would back up his statement. Of course he got an opinion of a co-worker that thought the right answer was a little of both. I can respect that answer too!
I do it out of expectation. .
I do it out of expectation. . .it's my "role" so to speak. GG helps. His job is to fix the vehicles and maintain the house.
I would be lying if I said that dusting and folding laundry made my heart race with anticipation and delight.
I do it because it needs to
I do it because it needs to be done. Not because I love my dh or children. If I didnt love them then there would still be dishes to be done, the floor to be swept, etc.
On the flip side of this, though, in the past if my dh has cooked a fine meal, cleaned the house, done laundry (things I normally do) I do sorta see this as an act of love-because if he hadnt done it-I wouldve been stuck doing it and I feel like out of love me for me he did something he didnt enjoy so I wouldnt have to. Does that make sense?
Next time your dh wants to have sex, get up and start the laundry. When he asks what you are doing-tell him I'm showing you the love!
I am sure you do all sorts of things to show love that have nothing to do with household chores-sex would be one of those things. Listening when your spouse or children need to talk, spending quality time with them, saying kind things to them, giving them a hug are all ways to show love.
Housework has to be done and
Housework has to be done and if I didn't do it, it wouldn't get done. Do I enjoy it? No, but it's necessary because as another posted mentioned, either I do it or live in a pig sty, which I refuse to do.
At this point, I've trained DH to do a better job of picking up after himself, but SD (27) is still a slob. If I had to live in her room, I'd be ready for a mental ward.
If I want to show love, I'll cook DH's favorite meal.
Also, I too find the "cold hearted bitch" comment offensive. Why was that necessary? If DH ever called me something like that, he'd be on the floor, looking for his teeth. But I guess that's how some folks communicate now days.