What to think...
I ran across a note on SD12 floor, so I read it. Well it was a page from her journal where she complained about things. A whole page was dedicated to me! You know, at first I got very angry and hurt about the things she said. I wasn't aware that she sees things so differently from how they really happened. Then I thought I'd better put this into perspective. We are talking about a child who will stop at nothing to get attention, whether it good or bad. She also manages to embellish the truth and twist it to her advantage. I realize now why her mother (BM) feels the way she does about me. Who could blame her, didn't you know I was a monster? According to her anyways. Some of the things were out and out lies. She said that I used a belt to spank her...that really angered me, because it's simply not true. I have never spanked her, and have never used a belt for anything other than holding my pants up or a fashion statement. I also brushed her teeth so hard that it caused her to bleed ungodly amounts of blood! This made me laugh actually, because it is ironic that she complains that her teeth bled when the dentist asked me to brush them because she wasn't. They did bleed a lot, because her gums were in such bad shape from neglect and gingivitis, not because of me. Here's a fact, about her horrible personal hygiene...she hasn't brushed her teeth since Saturday, and today is Wednesday. I refuse to police after her anymore, because it does not good. She simply doesn't care.
I want to address this with her, and ask her why she wrote a bunch of lies. But, I'm not sure how to approach it or if I should just let it go. I thought about writing my version on the back of the paper and see why transpires. At least now I know why her mother thinks I am evil. If she listens to her daughter's version of life in our home, no wonder.
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I think you have to
let it go. I know this is very hard. I faced and still face the same thing. SD (14) would write awful, horrible things about me on signs and tape them to her bedroom door. At first I was offended, but I eventually realized this was a child and I am an adult. She lies to BM all the time about me, and frankly I don't care. That woman's opinion means nothing to me. We have NO relationship. I know SD and BM and biograndmother spend a great deal of time discussing me and how horrible I am, etc. But it doesn't matter. I know I'm a good person, I know the facts. If SD has to say nasty things about you, it's better she does it on paper than to your face.
That said, I know it is frustrating to do the best you can for a child (brushing teeth, my SD didn't brush hers and got multiple cavities, which we had to pay to have filled) and have your efforts thrown back in your face. Frustrating! And what do they think they gain (SD and BM) by having an adversarial relationship with us?
Attention Good or Bad
consciously or not, she may have left it to be found by you. I would say nothing to her and replace the paper somewhere in her room so she knows you saw it. Say nothing, admit nothing, and let her wonder...
I agree
Share with your H. Then take any writing material away.
My SD was encouraged to write in a journal by both me and her psychologist. But all she did was exaggerate and rant. I would take journals away whenever she wrote purely negative things. The last time she was journaling this stuff compulsively and even feigned that she would just kill herself because that would make us all happy. Took that one to her psychologist. She would write about other people while they were in the room, or talking to her on the phone. She took her journal to school and would write incessantly about every classmate, make lists about everything she found irritating or annoying about everyone around her. Her attitude in the journal was a boy "picked his nose five times just to irritate me" another girl "Sucks up to the teacher just to annoy me" another classmate does nothing but "stare at me all day (you guessed it) to annoy me." it was all very egocentric and compulsive as in 80 pages front and back over about 3 days.
So I took her journals away and told her journaling is a good way to work through your emotions. I do it myself. But you have to be willing to take responsibility for your own happiness instead of simply blaming every single person in the world all the time. Plus it's as though she was increasing her negative thoughts by trying to find more and more negative things to complain about. I told her she could have them back to start fresh when she was ready to really use them to work through problems rather than rant and dwell and make herself more angry and irritated. And you know what? She hasn't written in them anymore since. That's another strange thing about her- she's always obsessed about something one day then "I don't like that at all" the next.
Good luck. I know I just have to keep reminding myself that SD deep down knows that I'm a good mom to her and BM is not. It's safer to "hate" me blame me take out her anger on me.
Peace, love, and red wine
Well, I'm still trying to
Well, I'm still trying to decide what I'll do if anything about this. I do appreciate all the words of wisdom from all of you. If anything, it validates my feelings towards this matter. With last night being Halloween, I was easily distracted and unable to decide my response.
What really bothers me is the fact that she seems to focus on negativity. Nothing is stated about the positive or good things I've done. I'm not asking for recognition, because that's not necessary. But, I certainly didn't expect a stab in my back either. I guess I'm just hurt and feel like nothing I do will ever be right as long as she sees things in this manner. Of course, BM is always there to stir up the pot!