Catlover's Blog
My 2yr old BD got a hold of my cell phone and "sent" BM 15 texts of nonsense!
So today I noticed that my little BD had gotten a hold of my blackberry. I of course had to chase her around the house to get it back...praying the whole time that she hadn't dialed my boss or anything. I get a hold of my phone and check to see if she had "called" anyone. Phew! it was empty. Then just on a whim I checked my text mailbox (as she looooves to press those buttons) and Lo and behold! There was BM's cell phone that popped up 15 times in a row with MESSAGE SENT next to it. I checked all the messages, and all of them are something like:
Got the last Lawyer bill today....bringing the grand total to $13,000
Yes, Ladies and Gentlemen, DH and I have spent a whopping $13,000 of legal fees to get (DRUMROLL PLEASE) an every other day placement schedule built around BM's work schedule! Oh yes, and we also got a holiday rotation schedule that BM handpicked her holidays for the next nine years. Hmmm what else? We also were the lucky recipients of the Guardian Ad Litem informing DH and I that we will be expected to modify the skids schedule in the future should BM's job change (she is "entitled" to have the skids only on her days off).
Spinoff on ChaiLatte's Blog....Who are we REALLY angry at: BM/SO/skids or ourselves?
Reading Chai's blog today made me really pause and wonder who I'm really angry at. The truth is its myself. I know that I have been very resentful of BM, and even DH and the skids at times. I have been so angry that both DH and BM have these jobs that I have felt they have used to shirk the responsibility of being a parent (DH is a pilot and is often gone for days on end, while BM is an EMT who works 24 hr. shifts and whom the court has determined is entitled to only have the kids on her days off). This has left me, who works and also has a 2 year old, to be the responsible one.
Confronting Ignorance with Fact
I really felt the need to jump in on all the hoopla about kids/mental health/medication. Just to clarify I've been a mental health therapist for many years. I currently work in the local county detention center and jail. My clients are both juveniles and adults. I'm sorry to stir the pot, but this issue over whether kids and mental health is something that I'm very passionate about, and I cannot just sit by and let some individuals throw down generalizations that are not based on reality.
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When the issue is ONE of the skids...
I've come to two conclusions: I'm not crazy, and I'm not a bad stepmom. It is one thing to take on other children and care for them but this child has serious issues and I am TIRED. I have two skids (SD who is 12, and SS who is almost 10) who live with us 50/50 on an Every Other Day schedule. DH and I also have a BD2 together. The problem is....I have a serious problem developing any relationship with my SS. At times, I find myself not liking the kid at all. I, however, have a great relationship with SD.
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The ink is barely dried on the court order...and BM is already having "issues"
So I pulled out the new court ordered placement schedule and the holiday "rotation" that we got this past Friday and BM is already saying she "can't do it". I realized based on this "agreement", BM will be scheduled to have the skids on New Years Eve and New Years Day. Previous to court, BM had stated that she would have the skids on New Years Day (but not New Years Eve). I (being the devious little devil I am) count out the schedule to realize that .....TADA!!!! BM is scheduled to work on New Years Eve (she works 24 hr shifts as an emt.)
We had court on Friday....and lost.
I've been so emotional I haven't been able to post this weekend. We had petitioned the court for a set placement schedule that was consistent and stable for the skids 9 and 12. We have 50/50 custody, and requested a week on/week off schedule. BM and her hubby work as EMT's on 24 hour shifts.
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When BM's Attack!
The night before skids were scheduled to come home a major snow storm hits. BM informs DH that SHE has to work that day (skids are off of school) and that DH needs to pick them up at 6:30am from her sitter's house because SHE has to get to work at 4am. (keep in mind it has always been that the parent with the kids is responsible for dropping them off to the other parent's home).
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Headed to court because BM didn't sign her own damn Stipulation!!!! WTF????
Today was the last day that the judge would accept a signed stipulation regarding the placement schedule. BM has a long history of waiting until the day (or at times an hour) before scheduled court to quickly settle (or sign) documents. It happened when she was in contempt for kid expenses and when she had to pay child support. I guess the judge got tired of this and clearly stated in the order that an agreement can be reached NO LATER THAN 10 DAYS PRIOR TO COURT. (that would be today).