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What's a SM to do?

Geema's picture

Submitted by Geema on Thu, 03/31/2011 - 4:01pm

OK recently DH has been showing signs of attempting to correct his unruly 7 year old who has been able to run undisciplined for years.

The thing that gets me though is SS called kissing DH's butt because he wanted a new video game (DH buys them all the time for SS no matter how horrible he acts out). DH told him to stop "brown-nosing" jokingly. So one could surmise form this that DH recognizes SS's manipulative behavior then???

There are a lot of other instances in the past few weeks where DH has began to set limits for SS (then he runs to bipolar BM who allows SS to do whatever he pleases) and tries to hurt DH. How adorable is that? (sarcasm)

Two things, if DH recognizes all the bad behaviors then why isn't he more consistent and focused on fixing his kid who makes everyone miserable at every opportunity?

Secondly, I'm worried that SSs attempts to ignore his father to "punish" him for not letting him continue to be an unholy tyrant to everyone may just work. ???

I've tried helping DH get over this "guilt" thing. I mean it is not like SS is not spoiled in a million ways that a lot of other children aren't. Also, DH loves his child and his son is nothing but hateful, disrespectful and manipulative towards him. SS will make a big show of affection towards his father two minutes before talking to him as if DH is a servant and he is the king. Still DH is full of excuses, but he seems to be less inclined to ignore it completely now.

Also, I'm concerned DH will resent me in the end for not letting this monster run over everyone unhindered, which I cannot do. I quietly leave the room when SS acts out now as I refuse to give him an audience and let DH handle it. But I am not going to sit in my bedroom for hours on end whenever SS comes over and throws tantrum after tantrum. That is not fair to me is it???

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Auteur's picture

Submitted by Auteur on Thu, 03/31/2011 - 4:14pm

You've probably heard the "I don't get to see my son much so I don't want to be disciplining him; i just want him to have fun and like coming to our house"

Guilty Daddy 3:12

Guilt parenting is like alcoholism. Seriously. Look at the 12 steps program.

Your SS7 is the CLONE of Prince Hygiene, the brown-nosing ("i wanna wear this shirt b/c it's daddy's FAAAAAAAAVOURITE football team. . .bats long strawberry blonde eyelashes daddy's way)

And the silent treatment/ignoring when daddykins has been a BAAAAD boy by listening/talking to SM instead of him being the bell of the ball.

Sorry to be such a downer, but most NCP biodads go on guilt parenting when the skid is in his 20s, 30s and 40s. Giving the skid money, cars, bailing him/her out constantly.

For now, get him a book on John Rosemond and whatever you do, don't over praise DH when he makes positive steps toward real parenting. This will cause him to 2nd guess himself. . ."If SM thinks I wasn't too strict then I MUST have been too strict with Junior; let me run and apologize to Junior for discplining him RIGHT NOW!" And everything will backfire; he'll take 10 giant steps backwards.