Can't stop crying inside....
I'm at work and I want to cry. I haven't been sleeping lately either.
I've actually started contemplating a backup plan to be ready when I have to confront DH about his lack of parenting because he is so arrogantly defensive about his violent, moody narcissistic son (SS7). I feel like he will just turn his back on me if I dare even suggest again that we need to set some rules in our house. I feel like for every tiny thing he corrects SS7 for he lets 25 huge things go by.
The hypocrisy and excuses and constant drama are wearing me down. I feel like I can't talk to him or I get nowhere. I know members have told me to run and I feel like I'm seesawing between staying and going every minute of every day now.
Now DH has started harping on my son (22) who's only crime is leaving his laundry on his bedroom floor and he works 40 full time and supports his own child. I agree that it is annoying, but since DH ignores all the hellish things his own child does I find it ridiculous he is making this a big deal. He is doing it to take the heat off himself and his spoiled monster SS7. Sometimes DH will do some dishes and take out the trash. SS7 does nothing of course. My son cleans up the ENTIRE house at least once a week - more than DH has ever done. My son is a wonderful parent and you can see that in his child and his behavior at only 16 months. Although he and his ex broke up (she is the classic bad BM - cheating, entitled, mentally unstable) yet they still manage to co-parent and be civil. (Unlike DH and BM of SS7)
DH has dirty laundry ALL OVER the house and SS7 is a pig and acts like a helpless infant. I swear if he opens his mouth again I'm going to just reach my breaking point. Especially after again last night there was more inexcusable drama from SS7 and BM that he ignores and excuses. I'm going to tell him he should spend less time looking for fault in my son and more time focusing on the atrocious behavior of his own son. I don't know any gentle way of saying it though because he doesn't want to hear any of it. Not even a whisper. My son's father abandoned him at 15 after being arrested for domestic violence. My son yearns for a decent father figure unlike his own obnoxious SS7 who treats his father like garbage.
At first DH was so phoney too which upsets me. Acted like he needed help parenting blah blah blah. He was just trying to trick me because he meant none of it I think. I mean if he really loved me then he would respect my feelings too.
The sad thing is when SS7 is not around things are incredible (except for DHs new slandering my son). Also should add my son will put SS7 on the bus, get him off the bus and help him with his homework etc when SS7 is here. He takes care of him more than DH. Now DH expects my son to be everybody's maid too? I'm beginning to think DH is always going to be a dumba$$ about everything.
This sucks, it really does.
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Comments
I feel for you big time! GG
I feel for you big time! GG picks on Awesomeson even though there's nothing to pick on. The other day he was trying to make Awesomeson look like a dumbass by introducing "linear feet" in siding. Awesomeson is really good with math and I'm sure he figured it out in no time, but GG said "he was about 200' off"
I sincerely doubt it. I've had to figure out calculations like that for GG b/c he's always off and those math questions stymie him.
Awesomeson23 has a full time job too with o/t and works straight B shift, sees his GF on the weekends and doesn't disturb us in the least.
GG's piggish children on the other hand are another story. They are the Behemoth's agents/spies and are totally devoid of all manners, social graces, hygiene; anything that entails them to be TAUGHT by their PARENTS is totally lacking.
I'm quite sure that when Prince Hygiene (SS8) arrives, he will still be wearing a diaper at night and unwilling to wipe, flush and wash his hands nor take a proper shower.
This makes me so angry
This makes me so angry Auteur.
You know one of my aunt's remarried. Her two biological children's father was an absent dad. Her new DH had the whackjob BM and 2 boys. It was the same story. It is so unfair to the kids who actually desire the admiration and try to earn it. It is so hurtful what GG did to Awesomeson.
I will tell you that my aunt's two SSs ended up lying, stealing, doing drugs and being arrested multiple times and her bio kids lead healthy normal lives.
It all comes out in the wash eventually. In your twilight years Awesomeson some will be there for you and I doubt your skids will be there for GG. At least you can take some solace in that I hope. And Awesomeson has a great intelligent mom who loves him and takes the time for him which is more than skids can say about GG.
Should also add that I'm sick
Should also add that I'm sick from the stress being so terrible this week at home from SS7. DH is planning on having friends over even though I'm unwell tonight. (I have a very serious health condition that stress aggravates - epilepsy as a result of MVA years ago). Though I still manage to work full time as a medical office manager and don't use it as an excuse to sit on my butt like SS7s BM who has never held a job EVER. My own son took off of work tonight because he is so worried about my health today. He is afraid SS7 will be there and that now that DH is being a jerk to him that I will break down and get ill. Amazing how my son survived a horrible parent because at least one of his took the time to teach him how to be a loving human being. That is what makes DHs ridiculous "guilty daddy let SS7 do whatever he wants because BM lets him" is so ridiculous to me.
See above story jenw. DD
See above story jenw. DD will far outshine skids in the end. I feel for her and you though.
Same here. My DS20 is a
Same here. My DS20 is a "loser" according to NN. The kid that is living on his own in an apartment, paying ALL his own bills (I pay his car insurance and he has reimbursed me like clockwork every month), working 40+ hrs a week AND playing performances in his bands!
SD17.5 has a baby who just turned 1. She has also dropped out of HS and has not contacted either me or NN since last Father's Day. I think if NN needs to have someone to focus on fixing, it would be his OWN half-crazy-BM offspring! (SS16 is a good kid, though, I have to admit)
Maybe SS16 can thank his SM
Maybe SS16 can thank his SM for some of that goodness I think!
He may even look up to DS20 as an example vs. his own dad.
I appreciate that. I know
I appreciate that. I know that SD's visitation has always been sporadic at best but SS comes for visitation every time. I think he missed once to go to a major league baseball game with his grandpa.
Although I tried not to overstep in my SM role, my main goal was to show SS (and SD) that not every household was run with an iron fist and all the screaming drama. I think you can parent effectively without having to resort to verbal abuse and screaming.
[I think it also helped that my own mother was somewhat mentally unstable when I grew up. I knew without them having to tell me what it was like growing up like that.]
Your mom too, eh? Mine would
Your mom too, eh? Mine would be shipped off to the "funny farm" for electric shock treatment and we would be farmed out to paternal grandmother who didn't like us in the least and turned her house into a work camp.
But to this day I appreciate her work ethic and what she was trying to teach us.
But today the skids are pooooooooor, pooooooooor, coddled, babied, spoiled infants for life. Never taught to buck up, stiff upper lip and learn what is necessary for life.
Actually had a talk with my
Actually had a talk with my son last night about just that(cleaning up and doing extra chores). He agrees and I told him it is so it will shine a brighter light and all the focus on SS7s antics. Like I said, bio son is a good person.
That was such great advice though about not mentioning SS7s behavior because then DH will get mad at me (always mad at every one but SS7) vs. where the negative attention should lie. I have been ignoring SS7 because I won't give his tantrums the audience he craves.
It sucks that you have no reprieve from SS8. DH just uses BM as another excuse for SS7 though. When he is over there she calls constantly and I never know when and if SS7 will come back. I at least get a few breaks, however precarious though. Thank GOD!
I guess it's just that maybe I feel DH might not care enough about anyone but himself and SS7 and that is what hurts so bad.
It isn't easy being SM,
It isn't easy being SM, especially when the SS7 doesn't take direction from you. In all the books I've read it is the BIO's responsiblity to correct and displine the child and say "we, as your parents believe..." If he isn't takin the lead with his son, it will be a rocky road for you.
It might be helpful to have a sit down family meeting and get the rules out on the table. Everyone can take time to state what positive, up coming things are happening in their lives and then address areas that you, as parents see that require needing improvement in co-family living. If you do it all together, when you say SS7 your father and I want you to pick up your room and do this and that and if these things are done there will be consequences (and name the consequences as a suggestion)
Tell DH this is what you would like to do and set a time and date for 1/2 to 40 minutes. If he refuses, then tell him the next step is counceling for the both of you, which isn't a bad idea. I did it and it helped and I had 3 teenage step children (I know - what was I thinking). Hope a suggestion helps.