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How do you know which is fact from fiction?

Geema's picture

BM is bipolar. She will tell DH things SS supposedly said about him. Like SS said, "You didn't feed him or make him brush his teeth."

Now obviously if SS said those things he is the liar and DH needs to get involved.

But BM could be making it up to cause drama and upset DH, which she would do. But things she has said in the past about SS have been true, so I tend to believe her.

Been catching SS lying lately, but I'm really concerned.

I wish we could get some co-parenting mediation between SSs biological parents, but maybe I just need to disengage from this stress. I just don't want to end up in the middle of one of SSs manipulative lying schemes.

Like lately DH has been laying down some law and SS is getting resentful as this is new to him. So when DH asks why he won't come over after he runs to BM to escape rules, maybe he'll start making stuff up about me. Don't see that happening really yet as SS knows I care about him. But what if he starts to miss the complete control he had over his father more than he wants a caring mother figure??? Seems to me a lot of SMs never get the love they give in return, but a lot of blatant hostility no matter what they try. It freaks me out.

Comments

FallingfromGrace's picture

Tell her "that is correct, we figured if we didnt feed him, then it wouldnt be so important to brush his teeth - two birds with one stone kind of thing"...LOL!!!E

oneoffour's picture

Hmm, he has found out the mileage he can get playing one parent off agianst the other. Like who will check? And if he can get both parents warring or at least not talking... all the better!

Divide and conquer ... Some s/kids love this tactic.

Geema's picture

Oh SS has been doing this for years. Tonight we get a call from SS who returned to BMs because DM stood up to the little jerk. The kid begins to tell DM that he won't come back because DH won't sleep with him all night. Disgusting little pervert. DH knows if he does then he will lose me and I'll call CPS. This kid is a freak. Like I said before tries to jump in the shower with his dad, follows him into the bathroom every time he goes and now wants to bed him like his wife. Plus he tries to act like a baby because he thinks it makes him appear more helpless and innocent when in fact he is quite the opposite. Anyways DH starts asking SS if he wants to come pick him up? SS was like only if you sleep with me, so he is still at BMs house. She had the Nerve to ask us to come pick him up at 8 pm to make him do his homework and then drop him back off because she refuses to make him do anything too. I am getting real sick of this drama.

Also DH complains constantly about my son because he has clothes on his bedroom floor. Of course SS and DH have clothes strewn all over the house including the bathroom floor and this is ok??? Plus SS refuses to even wipe his own butt at 7 so you think he picks up after himself? No! DH has to try and tear other peoples kids down because his is such a jerk and no one can stand him.

hismineandours's picture

My ss is an expert at that game! Ha! He also knew I cared about him and it didnt mean diddly to him at the end of the day. He cared far more about the attention and mileage he could get out of making up stories about me to the bm. His primary concern was getting whatever he wanted at that moment and he truly did not care whom he had to hurt to get it.

12yrstepmonster's picture

I wish I could answer this:

I do think that a divorced kid will tell a parent what they want to hear (and SD told me this herself). BM wanted to hear negative things so she told her negative things- some might have been stretched or misconstrued. In the meantime, SD probably didn't really realize the ammunition that she gave BM until well after the fact or how that would play out and affect her later.

The things that have been told:
Skids hated our house
SD hated sharing a room with ODD
SD hated having rules and expectations
SD hated DH
SD hated me
SS hated visiting my parents
Skids hated having to go to my side of the family
skids felt left out
skids didn't think that they should help around our house
skids thought that parents should have to help clean too (oh, apparently we had the Cinderella story going, here).
SD is tired of playing second fiddle, and everyone else is more important.

How much of it was true, I'm sure by the time that SD was 16 most of it was true, was it true at 10, 11, 12 probably not. But when you play houses there are usually consequences- in this case there was a huge affect to her relationship into this house. I know SD was in counseling for a while...and on meds for depression. You can't tell a parent that they aren't important to you, and there not be some sort of consequence of the fall out. There just is

SS is now doing it as well......and the consequences are again the same.

hismineandours's picture

My ss told his bm that when he was around 8 or so I locked him in his room all day, when he needed to use the bathroom I refused to let him out, so he had to poop in his pants, and then and my children sat in our living room watching movies and laughing at him.

Um, yeah. The really sad thing is that he came back up to our house a year or so after he told her this and told me that's what he told her. He also went and told MY mom the same thing right in front of me. He actually convinced himself it happened. He makes things up and then just decides they are true. He does realize now, at 13, that he has done this and still does but has no motivation to change this.

It is so much more fun to alter reality to whatever you wish and then just say it is true. That way you are never wrong and the stepmother is always evil.