11 yr old son feels left out, Help!
DH told me the other day that BM got 2 tickets to a NFL game and wants him to take his son. Now I know that this normally wouldn't be that big of an issue but considering that my son lives with us all the time and his father is out of his life and that he never gets to do anything like this EVER makes me want to cry. DH's son was here over the weekend bragging about getting to go to the game with HIS dad and that it was only them going. My son just looks at me and at that moment I knew exactly what he was feeling. I completly felt awful and didn't know what to do. I did explain to him that we DID NOT buy the tickets and that if we ever did buy them that he WOULD be included but that since we didn't get them and that he is SS's father that it would be only right for him to take him. My son acted like he understood but said why can't I have a dad to do that with me? This broke my heart because we honestly do not have the money right now at all to get something like this and not to mention we have an 8yr old as well so if we got him a ticket the 8yr old would feel left out. DH acts like it isn't a big deal and that just because we didn't buy the tickets that everything should be ok and understood. NOT TO AN 11 YEAR OLD!!!!!!! DH says that he is here with my son all the time and only sees his on the weekends and that he never gets an opportunity to do anything with him alone! Ok, well I never get to mine either except maybe grocery shopping WOOHOO! What should I do? How can I get DH to see that this does affect my son and what could I do or should do to help out the situation?
This is a good lesson for
This is a good lesson for your son. I wouldn't rush out and buy him anything to compensate either....you dont want him to grow up and feel entitled to things. Some people get things we dont. It is reality. I know it sucks for him but I am sure at some point he will get something from you or a member of your side of the family that will not include his step sibling. That will be ok too and wont mean that your SS deserves something just because your bio got anything. It will all come full circle.
I agree with this. I grew up
I agree with this.
I grew up in a blended family from 13+. I can tell you this was a lesson all us kids had to learn. My stepsister sometimes did really fun things with my Mom when I wasn't there. However, I also did fun things with my Mom when she wasn't there. So it balanced itself out.
Maybe DH could spend a little one-on-one time with each of the boys?
NO WAY IN HELL! How dare
NO WAY IN HELL! How dare your DH allow the ex to buy tickets to do something ALONE with his son on YOUR WEEKEND? Your DH is way out of line...way out of line. I would be screaming! If your DH goes, I don't care if you have the money or not, YOU need to go out and buy tickets to go somewhere with YOUR SON but ONLY on a weekend you have the skid! And make sure it's somewhere the SKID wants to go too! That is outrageous!
Why would that bitch be
Why would that bitch be buying your DH anything anyways??! I would be pissed about that as well!!! Tell DH that it is not right for her to buy your husband shit let alone leave out your son. If he goes I would pack up and leave for the weekend. Let him see it is NOT ok. And for him to leave out your son who does not have.a.dad is horrible!!! How dare he!!!!! Tell him that it really hurts you that he accepted a present from his ex, allowed his x to disclude your son, that he didn't even show any compassion or concern for your sons feelings and that if he goes without your son that you will leave him. I'm not saying to leave him but he needs to know how serious this is and your son needs to know that you do not condone DH and SS doing this to him. Tell DH that he is showing you that he does.not care or love your son and by doing this he is showing you he does not care about you or love you. How could he say he loves u and your son but he can do something so heartless and cruel to your child. I understand it is a life lesson. But your son is a child who doesn't have a father and his stepdad is hurting him. I wouldn't stand for it. Your son is going thru a lot with not having a dad right now and he prob feels ur DH is now his father figure who is now showing him that he doesn't love him like he does his real son. I'm sorry for your son and for you.
So does this mean that the OP
So does this mean that the OP should do everything for her SS that she currently does for her BS?
I am so confused by those proclaiming that everything must be fair!?!
I also dont see any indication that BM in this situation is a bitch. She bought something nice for her son that he could enjoy with his dad. How many of us have BM's that would be so thoughtful?
OP's son will survive. It is sad for him...yes...and I feel for him...and it would be have been nice if OP's DH would look at his role in SS's life more as a father...but that is his choice. Maybe he is disengaged? Is that not his right. Cant he not choose to parent his child only?
I dont feel that DH or BM did anything wrong.....teaching your son to handle it appropriately and learn the lesson presented is your responsibility as HIS BM imo of course.
I would imagine it hurts your
I would imagine it hurts your son even more because the SS is allowed to brag about it so openly. I personally would be more pissed about that than anything.
I agree, not all of life is fair. Sometimes we just have to wait our turn. I would say to DH, on such and such weekend (that SS is not there) we are gonna do this with the boys.
And if DH has guilty feelings over his own boy not being there, then go without him.
Life should not "pause" cause the skids are not there.
IMO: I think DH and SS should
IMO: I think DH and SS should go. Life isn't fair, kids need to realize that. Why should SS miss out to avoid hurting someone else's feelings. And maybe BM got these tickets really cheap and they were not on her weekend so rather than having her son miss out she gave them to DH so that SS could enjoy it.
Life lesson, life isn't always fair or equal.
BM is a BITCH! She is PART of
BM is a BITCH! She is PART of the reason we are in the financial situation we are. She moved 2 hours away and DH drives EVERY WEEKEND to get his kids and take them home. She refuses to do half. Also we are paying her $1200 a month cs when that should have never happened but my DH didn't get lawyer when they got divorced so it has been that way for 6 yrs and she has a BS and makes more than he does a month. We are in the the process of doing a modification which will cut cs in half but until then we are stuck so we can't afford to buy or do the extras. She also twist things around and tells the kids stuff to make them say stuff to DH and make him feel bad so he wants to do even more. About the tickets she didn't purchase them, they were given to her so DH feels that it is ok to go so that his son doesn't feel like his dad won't do anything with him. That is COMPLETELY fine but seeing as this isn't the first time that it has happened, there has been hockey tickets and wrestling events as well, you would think he would put a stop to it. She is doing this intentionally becasue where she lives now her entire family lives there, so there are plenty of (men) that could do things with her son. Having the father do it sometimes would be ok but it shouldn't be that she makes him feel like shit if he doesn't and that is what happens. She makes her remarks that DH is to wrapped up in his life with his "new family" to have time for his own kids, blah blah blah blah!!!! I know that my son needs to realize that things in life aren't fair but when he doesn't have his father in his life and looks to my DH as a father figure I don't think saying this is just a life lesson is going to help. I have talked to my son and tried to explain exactly why he was taking him and why he can't go but it is sad to see your kids get hurt. I am not saying DH isn't good to my kids because he is, he coaches them in baseball and is involved in school stuff but when it comes to the emotional part he is lacking. I just want him to understand that it isn't his fault that x moved and he isn't around his kids as much and that it definitely isnt my kids fault and that when he married me he knew i had kids and promised to treat them all the same and by letting her make him feel bad she is controlling him and therefore it is hurting my kids.