I'm at my wit's end with SS14 and don't know what to do. I'll try to keep this short. My fiancé received full custody of his son 2 years ago, right before his 12th birthday. DH and BM were split for many years, but 5 years ago she moved 20hrs away and took SS to live with her. He claims to have been bullied and mistreated there, so DH fought for full custody and won. BM makes no effort to be involved in SS's life, has never paid child support, bought school supplies, barely ever calls, and won't even pay for him to visit her. I know that this awful relationship with his mom has led to many problems, but now I'm the one suffering for it and I don't know how much I can take.

SS has complained to DH and I, counsellors, grandparents, the principal, psychologist, etc. about being bullied. We treated him as a victim and later found out that he IS the bully at school. He's big for his age and picks on kids younger and smaller than him (as far as punching a 5th grader on the school bus). He has broken 2 of the school's computers by hitting them and was banned from school's technology. They told us that he needs a computer for schoolwork, so we bought him a tablet. He later threw it on the floor at school and broke it. Teachers have informed us that on a daily basis SS will distract other kids, pull his hair out, punch walls, slam doors, and yell at the teachers. He's even gotten "tough" with the (female) principal, got in her face and threatened her for taking his iPod away. He has broken so many of my belongings I've lost count. I have to keep the sentimental things at my parents house. He's failing every class (not for lack of intelligence, but lack of trying.. Like not turning in assignments he's finished, not taking his gym shoes out of his bag...). He lies constantly, does a half-assed job whenever asked to do anything. He sneaks, cheats, and leaves a trail of garbage, dirty dishes, and food throughout the house. He doesn't respect anyone or appreciate anything that he has.

With his mom acting the way she does, I took on a motherly sort of role. I wake him up, pack his lunch, help with homework, drive him to his friend's house (he only has 1), clean up after him, cook for him, comfort him when he's sad, help him when he's struggling... But I can't do it anymore. He doesn't appreciate anything I do for him, doesn't respect me, lies to my face, breaks my things, and abuses my house and our rules. He says "I love you" about 20 times/day and I used to say it back but I can't anymore. I know it's not sincere. It makes me sick. Now I reply with "have a good day" in the morning, pretend I didn't hear him, or if I must, I just say "you too."

He pretends to get hurt for attention, and if we don't notice he does it again 5 minutes later. He will pretend to cry, and if we don't notice he'll change gears and start acting goofy. He acts like a 7yr old and I'm getting so sick of it. He's ruining my relationship with DH and making my home a place I never want to be.

School officials are scared for him to start high school in the spring. They think he is going to seriously hurt someone. They've told us that he has no impulse control, has very violent outbreaks at school, and doesn't understand consequences.

He's ruining my relationship with DH and making my home a place I never want to be. I have severe panic attacks on a daily basis and never feel happy anymore. I don't know what to do. I love DH very much but I don't think I can live in this situation much longer. Any advice?