In-school suspension
So, after three days at home last week, SS12 got shoved while waiting g to get on the bus yesterday. The school investigated and found out SS and the other kid were being pressured to fight. Now he has two days of in-school suspension.
According to the assistant principal, the school is having a big problem with fighting in the bathrooms, peer pressure and bullying. Anyway, BM signed something to allow him to get counseling at school and is looking into a therapist.
He comes back to our house tomorrow (schedule adjustment to make things work out for spring break). BM is confiscating all electronics and they're not coming to our house. As she said, "it won't phase him, but I'm not rewarding him for being suspended." Progress? I was surprised she actually suggested a consequence. She's right. It won't phase him. I suggested a chore list to DH, but we'll see.
Anyway, sounds like the school had a real problem. Is SS being bullied? Is he an instigator? Who knows. He doesn't talk about things. Never has. I told DH SS needs some sort of coping skills to deal with bullying and peer pressure, obviously.
I could see it either way. He can come across as shy and quiet at times. He has longer hair that he likes to spray color, so that could make him a target for being different. But I could easily buy him joining in on certain things. And I've witnessed more than once situations where he ignores social cues or outright requests/demands to stop and pushes something too far.
Whatever. It's our newest ongoing saga that could very well end up with him going into private school and/or DH dealing with daily stress of school calls and letters home.
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Comments
How bad of a school is it in
How bad of a school is it in terms of violence, drugs, teen pregnancy, and other "social ills?" It sounds like SS might be in a bad pattern or in with a bad crowd. Either he is an instigator and/or bully, or he is being bullied. If it's the former, therapy. If the latter - i wonder if a change of school is possible or would help? For kids who are being bullied and the school officials are unable or unwilling to protect them, i can see how fighting would be their best option. The only way to stop the bullying is to show you aren't a soft target.
It's a well-rated school (for
It's a well-rated school (for a middle school -- none in our city get awesome ratings -- much better for elementary and high school). No problems we were aware of and it's one of the best areas in the city. But, apparently, they're having problems this year.
Hard to know if he's an instigator or a victim. He doesn't really talk about school and he has a long history of lying, so who knows. I could eee it either way. But, yeah, DH and BM are already talking about what to do if they need to move him.
It is interesting that SS seems to have difficulty reading
It is interesting that SS seems to have difficulty reading "social cues" whether they are from people or dogs. It sounds like he could use some evaluation and therapy to help him learn to "read" other people and animals and learn the proper responses.
Good point. I've never been
Good point. I've never been able to tell if it's that he can't read people/dogs/situations or if he just doesn't listen. (Stubbornly not following rules at home. Not following teacher instructions. Not putting on the brakes at the pool when a kid says "stop splashing me.")
Could be a mix of both.
How long was he out of social
How long was he out of social situations during the pandemic? Lots of kids are having trouble socially according to my teacher friends. Hopefully the counselor at school can sort this out for SS. As for DH, getting annoying calls from school might be good for him , cause him to step it up on SS AND BM.
He was out of regular school
He was out of regular school for the last 9 weeks of 3rd and all of 4th grades. Honestly, I already thought he was immature for his age (still doing baby talk at 10). And with no siblings or cousins, his only interaction was with adults for the most part. He plays baseball, so that helped a little.
Anyway, I'm sure the pandemic didn't help. At all. But I do think he was already a bit off-kilter. He's never been invited to another kid's house and never asked to invite anyone. Though, he seems to have friends at school and he interacted relatively well with kids at baseball and birthday parties.
If he is actually being bullied... overwhelming violence solves
that problem.
A bully only pics on someone they think won't fight back. The key to addressing issues with a bully, is to make them hurt and bleed.
I was an easygoing decent looking kid. And I was nearly always the new guy. We changed schools 7 times between 4th and 10th grade. I hated fighting. It frightened me. Until I realized that not standing up for myself just made me a target. When I realized that getting hit hurts whether I was fighting or not, it was game on. If they hit, they hurt. I did not start it, but I made sure they regretted it... win , lose , or draw in a fight.
The first time I ended a bully, I was attacked by two of them. The first one got off unscathed. The second, had reconstructive facial and dental surgery. Both of them were suspended. I got in no trouble. I defended myself. I did have a ruined pair of brand new jeans, two skinned knees, and two skinned palms. The first bully would not get close enough for me to end him as I had his partner.
Each time after that, each time I started at a new school, it played out very similarly. A couple or more of the established pecking order would test the new guy. One or more of would end up in the ER. I was fortunate that hyper aggressive overwhelming violence was so out of their norm as a response when they were bullying that I did not end up with much more than a few bumps and bruises. At each new school, I rarely had to set that example twice.
If your Skid is the bully, his facial and dental reconstruction surgery can't come soon enough.
IMHO.