I've decided that I've had enough. My home is such a miserable place because of SS14. He has no respect, no appreciation, no responsibility or motivation for anything. I've tried so so hard for 2 years to help him, and nothing has changed. It's a long story that I won't get into now, but I'm am So over giving 110% of myself to him and SO, and none to myself. I'm having health issues because of it (intense panic attacks due to stress, been hospitalized thinking I was having a heart attack.. These attacks come daily now, sometimes 3 or 4 times. I can't live like this!) SO wants to do best for his son, but is just as bad. Doesn't stick to the rules or consequences, can't even clean up after himself, binges on junk food daily, and just gets high every day "because he's so stressed out." Meanwhile I'm trying to pick up the pieces, plan healthy meals, help with homework, make sure SS goes to bed on time, Discipline his bad behaviour and violent outbreaks, communicate daily with his teachers, communicate and drive him to the counsellor bi-weekly and psychologist monthly, and wake him up, pack his lunches, remind him to shower and brush his teeth, don't pee on the seat and wash your hands, PLEAD with him to clean up after himself (and then do it myself when he doesnt), pays the bills, manages our savings, and then gets a guilt trip when I want an hour after they go to bed to myself to turn on the tv and have a glass of wine becaus SO "wants to cuddle."

I'm only 28 and have no children of my own! I've been in this mess for 3 years now (moved in to help out, which at the time was just to put SS on the school bus when he was 11) and I've given it everything I have. I get lied to every day, by SS and SO, my belongings have all been broken by SS, I have to keep my money a secret from SO (I've worked hard my whole life, have a good job and SAVE as much as I can. He's a hard worker but will spend every penny he earns every week). OH! And I'm expected to pay for a wedding and a house (SO says he'll pay half, but we both know that he'll never save enough to do that).

I'm at the end of my rope. My next option is leaving. But before that, I'm going to try to disengage. I've already disengaged emotionally from SS, will only respond in short sentences when he talks to me. So far, he has become more affectionate. He'll Ask how my day is going, I'll tell him "fine" and then he'll try to hug me and kiss me. I HATE this. He tries to act like an innocent little kid, but really he's a violent, disobedient, manipulative, lying, cheating, stealing teenager with no regard for anyone but himself. I know this sounds harsh, and I promise I'm not a mean person- I love children SO much and wanted the best for him! I tried so hard! But neither SS or SO are trying at all, so I have to give up or I'll be a very unhappy, unhealthy person. And I know that I deserve more.

Tomorrow is the day. I'm going to sit them down for a family meeting and explain disengagement and what it means. It's going to make life very hard on SO, but then maybe he'll realize everything that I do for them.

Wish me luck!