Farwell StepTalk!
I am done with being a step. I am not going into details but DH and I have split and I have already moved out of the house. I still love him and wish that we could reconcile but like any Disney parent he will never admit the mistake no matter how much he responds to my text with how much he cares.
I start my new job on June 2, as I had previously posted I got laid off in February which caused additional stress besides just step-stress in our relationship. I plan to save money and move away from this town so that my future life is not tainted by BM or anyone who does not fully understand why we split.
He is lucky though he used to tell me about how BM literally took everything and refused to give property back...I took clothes and a dvd player that he gave to me last month for my birthday. I even left the PS3 that I bought before our relationship and the TV in the bedroom even with taking the DVD player lol. The PS3 was as source of frustration for us and something I know SS will not let him get rid of, and he is completely haunted by things we bought together and even his work bag, and stuff at work I bought. I know that sounds evil but I want SS to realize that for every bad thing he said about me I did something many of the people who I have spoken to about the split are shocked I did by leaving things for them that I brought into the relationship - and things that my family gave us to start out life as both DH and I were starting over from his marriage and my almost marriage.
We have unsettled business to tend to tomorrow as I left some documents at the house, and he left a family heirloom in my car, and at some point though he will need to sign his name off my car loan but I fear I will have to start work before the bank will allow that, but again he can't say he did anything but sign as I was also between jobs and he never made a payment whereas he completely bought BM's car and paid it off a month before their divorce. Plus I don't think he fears I would default like BM probably would have.
I would like to simply say thank you all for letting me vent when I needed it. Also, remember we are people too and we need to take time for ourselves - because other than the heartache and missing and knowing I still love DH and SS the hardest thing is realizing they engulfed my life and I really did not have many hobbies rather than taking care of them.
I am off to restart my life and like I said hopefully save and move away from here so my life is not tainted and maybe find a man without kids, or at least a man who can value my opinion no matter how hard the times.
All the best and good for
All the best and good for you.
I don't know if it is good
I don't know if it is good for me yet. I did not initiate the split...but I have done everything in my power including staying with MIL a few days to give him room, to voicing my opinion to a heart-breaking to read email explaining my side. I can say though I put 150% into him and SS even after I went to stay with MIL as I made sure that bills were paid, and no money in the joint account was used for anything but bills and returned the extra he had deposited back into his personal account. Plus I think leaving almost everything shows I was not a selfish bitch I tried to make sure at the end of the day I know I tried my best and did the right thing, and anything bad he says is a complete and utter lie - and those who knew us or his buddy who already lives in the house who may think I am somewhat a bad person can vouch when moving out I still tried to consider the best for them.
I still have a little hope that he will admit it is a mistake though he has to much pride to ask for me back even if he thought it was a mistake. Plus honestly I don't think things could ever be the same because I would most likely live in fear of it happening again.
I hope one day this turns into something good. I hope one day I can wear my boots and my necklace again - the only two things I took that were personal other than the DVD player.
I might stay a while I
I might stay a while I haven't decided. I do know that my voice will be limited because right now my side is pretty jaded but anyone who is also going through separations is welcome to message me so we can support without sounding like jaded bitches.
Haha luckily I no longer have
Haha luckily I no longer have to call myself a stepmother - I am a princess again well not really but that is what I am going to call myself lol.
Maybe jaded isn't the right word but my advice would probably more along anything OCC would say right about now.
I hope you stay others can
I hope you stay others can always use a comment from others that have gone through similar circumstance. I just recently joined forum and posted my situation in the blended families thread. I too wrote a heart wrenching letter to my DW explaining that I was disengaging and demanding boundaries with our SD18. I also suggested we seek some kind of counseling but she has taken it as if I said I was packing up and leaving.
My letter was me trying to
My letter was me trying to make him see my side, so that maybe he would see his choice was a mistake...his main response was that I will always have a special place in his heart but it will never change.
My heart is broken but I at least know I put more than I should have into the family/relationship and until the end I stood my ground with what I had to say, and I know that at the end of the day I did everything I could to save my relationship.
I have learned I have the fairytale of step-situation as my stepfather's ex wife yes you read that right is one of my biggest supporters right now. I had been a step-parent before but left on a mutual choice.
DH did not give me a choice except if I wanted to move out or wanted him to move out and of course I would love to know another woman is having to live with everything we built, and possessions that he once shared with someone else. I luckily had one family member close by I could move in with so I literally have 4 things that weren't personal or brought into the marriage.
You're one of the smart ones
You're one of the smart ones to have gotten out without dragging a kid.
Please don't even date a guy with children. Just as soon as you know he has kids he's off the prospect list. Better to live a single life than go through this.
I always threatened not to
I always threatened not to have a kid until he found a land job...which he was actually working on but oh well now he can spend more time with SS.
My plan is to focus on the new job and save money to move away, and to work on myself. I have been a stepmother twice once I left, and this time I was burned.
I will say I never thought my husband would have turned out to be such a disney dad but I guess that is what outside factors can do...it fucking sucks and I am currently miserable but I've said I did what I could to save it and clearly we weren't enough.
I encourage you to stay
I encourage you to stay around, your opinion will be valuable on here, as a SM who did get out.
Hearing RUN from someone who hasn't taken that advice themselves rings rather hollow, but coming from someone who isn't in the step hell any more and can say how much better life is for them now carries more weight.
In time the heartache will lesson, one day you'll look back and realize you are so much better off now.
^^^^THIS^^^^ Ditto on being
^^^^THIS^^^^
Ditto on being one who isn't in the step hell anymore! With time it does get so much better. Time to take your life back.
its always sad to see a
its always sad to see a marriage end, but it sounds like you did what you could and it just wasnt there.
hang in there, and brighter days WILL COME even tho right now im sure it seems like they might not.
I wish you the best. I know
I wish you the best. I know how painful this is for you. We are all here for you. Just because you aren't going to be a step mom any more doesn't mean you can't come here and post anymore. You're going to go through a tough time and we are still here for you anytime you might need support. Please consider staying here. Good luck to you. I hope you find peace and happiness in your new life.
Amber
Sounds like this is the best
Sounds like this is the best option.
Never be someone's #2 - Even with skids or bio kids the parents need to hold each other at #1. A good marriage sets a good foundation for the rest, even if they are crazy skids who refuse to see it.
Im sorry this has happened but your probably better off.
Stay around, i'm sure your not the last of us to go thru this
And like OCC said - no bio kids to drag with you and put into a split family situation. That is a huge plus!!!!