Field Trips
Who pays for field trips?
SS has only had field trips that cost $$ while DH was gone. Today a slip came home for two trips at the end of April for again when he is gone. The cost is only $5 but it irritates me that he wants to send the money - mind you it also states they know some students may not be able to make it so for those parents who can to send $$. I have heard stories of DH having to stay home from field trips as FIL and MIL were dirt broke. So, I get him wanting to send extra $$ BUT at the same time that means again BM gets a free pass to go do something (she has gone on almost all field trips) on our dime. Mind you even if we didn't pay it would be on DH's dime as he pays between $800-1100 in CS and she barely make $100 a week, and is on every possible form of assistance you can imagine.
I brought up my irritation with DH to which he responded about the other kids, I assume to pull a heart string. My gut isn't taking it though because it is crap to me that I barely ask him for money and make life work on a very small budget but I feel like he is giving a free day with SS. We pay her way for everything. I'm sure he will do it but I refuse to get our checkbook out for it - he can send cash or go get checks from the bank.
The thing that makes me feel like a hypocrite though is I am okay with us paying for sports - I guess mainly because it benefits by socializing SS, though BM put a stop to that because she was sick of getting up early when she didn't have to which is fine but to me sports wasn't giving her free time with him.
Mind you the only payment info in the CO is about uncovered doctors bills, that BM/DH has 30 days to submit the receipt to the other for half the amount, and of course CS.
I feel so petty but want to know how the rest of you feel about who pays for field trips, etc.
Well, it all comes down to
Well, it all comes down to what's best for the kids. Yeah, it annoys me too, and we've paid way more than $5 we shouldn't have had to, but DH isn't about to deny the kids an experience just because Biomom is a bitch. If you can afford it, I'd say pay the $5 and save your capital for a fight that's worth it.
The fact is BM would pay for
The fact is BM would pay for SS as that would give her the ability to play super mom as there has been times when I only took him lunch a time or two and I had a kid ask me if I was his mom and BM was his aunt because she is so childish with him.
She just probably wouldn't pay for the extra which I'm sure DH will send enough for at least 3 kids which I think is nice I just don't think that it is our responsibility when I know most likely she will find out and start going around saying she paid the extra to make herself look better.
I will not fight about it but one policy DH and I have is to never leave a irritation unsaid.
Wow. I would think that
Wow. I would think that "never leave an irritation unsaid" is not a recipe for a happy life, but if it works for you, that's great. Everyone has to work out their own partnership, no doubt.
I honestly still keep some
I honestly still keep some irritations unsaid but they are tiny ones. This situation is something that would irritate me and eat at me if I didn't at least say something, possibly leading to the tiny irritations to become bigger so I mentioned it.
DH and I sit outside, or lay in bed and make sure everything was okay for the day before we go to sleep each night. This way if I have had a issue with him or SS or whatever the air is clear and each day we can start new. I won't say DH is my best-friend but he is up there and so to us it is important to talk about almost anything. Mind you it has turned into long conversations and even arguments but at the end of the day we have at least spoke to clear the air for the next day.
Well, that's different.
Well, that's different. Thanks for clarifying that
I go through phases of
I go through phases of getting really really angry about this and then letting it go. Mostly it drives me crazy whether its 5.00 or 50.00 it bugs the crap out of me that we pay for EVERYTHING!!! In addition to 800.00/mo CS so BM and her hubby can sit home and not work.
I know! And when biomom's tax
I know! And when biomom's tax returns were done, turns out she netted more than DH did. Infuriating! Still -- there's a lot of letting go. DH is very zen, and it's been good for me. And the kids are turning to us more and more; they know who's being all crazy and angry, and who's not.
BM made less than 5K less
BM made less than 5K less than me tax free in actual cash and I'm sure if you added up all the gov't assistance she made more than me. This is one of the main reasons I find it sickening for us to pay for BM go to the school and play super mom on a field trip.
I know our BM sits on her ass
I know our BM sits on her ass or goes to the DR every freaking day all on the tax payers!!!!! She has cigarettes every day but no money for anything for SD. This enrages me and SO is also very zen about it. He won't see his child go without anything :sick: I can see his point but you have to draw the line somewhere especially if you are being 100% taken advantage of and it affects your marriage/relationship.
Apparently from what you said
Apparently from what you said the BM has no money or will surely claim poverty.
So if the kid can benefit from the trips then someone will have to pay unless Daddy wants to sign her up as one of the kids whose families doesn't have enough and draw from the charity fund they're raising money for.
When its all said and done Daddy will pay, you will bite tongue, but only for a few more years.
This is how I feel or if it
This is how I feel or if it falls where DH goes I can see us paying. However it's ridiculously sad how little CS supports SS. Nothing I can do about it but u agree with your thinking.
We paid when we were NCP & we
We paid when we were NCP & we pad when we were CP. It was about the kid - not BM.
Well and it's not like I'm
Well and it's not like I'm protesting it. I mentioned I didn't like and he will probably still due it out of the seperate account and put in extra $$. I just wanted to know other opinions.
We tend to pay it. BM gets
We tend to pay it.
BM gets $1000 a month CS, but OH likes to pay for camps, uniforms, anything his little precious' desire really.
Drives me nuts too.
Where I live there are Govt payments - $480 (ish) for grade p-6 and $890 (ish) for g7 - 12 a year for school costs - these are income based but the cutoff is pretty high, so most families get them. Then if you are a single parent and your income is below $47000 (ish) you also get EMA (education maintenance allowance) which covers a lot of school costs also - usually reduces the school levies and book kits to almost nil.
But still BM sends OH a bill for half of all the costs - last year she wanted $2000 for SD alone - to cover bus money for the entire year, camp, summer and winter uniforms, and school levies and books.
When I did the math for OH, I worked out that the TOTAL cost was $2000 (not his half like she stated), then you take away all the allowances she gets and bingo - the total cost was closer to the $600 mark, half of which was $300.... He still argued that he should pay the freaking $2000 because SD is HIS responsibility!!!
Took a lot of work to get him to see that BM GETS that money from the Govt regardless of if he pays it... So in effect he was handing BM $1700 for nothing.
He paid the $300 and we heard nothing this year. Paid for half her camp last week though, and all of SS's two camps last year. GRRRR
Oh well, what do you do.
I now ask my ex to pay half for EVERYTHING. It is in our CO and I hadn't bothered with the "small stuff" before, but he now only pays $30 a fortnight CS for two kids, so I send EVERY damn bill.
DH works offshore. He won't
DH works offshore. He won't be home and hasn't been for most previous trips. Either he is gone or BM "forgets" to tell him until it is to late. The teacher emails him a lot with stuff when he is gone but not always knowing when he will be home typically doesn't say anything.
DH and I split 50/50 with our
DH and I split 50/50 with our exes on school related expenses, for the most part.
Is there a reason your DH doesn't want to ask BM to split?
Only thing 50/50 in the CO is
Only thing 50/50 in the CO is medical expenses. BM won't pay a dime if she doesn't have to.