Lately, I have been over-stressed, moody and very irritable. The tension in my house is so thick you could cut it with a knife. Dh just seems to be oblivious of it all avoids any and all confrontation of any kind.

I need peace and balance in my life and I have neither. Last night I drank about 3/4 of a botttle of wine, which is not something I regularly do, then told Dh that I was ready to end our relationship. I wish I hadn't of said it but I did. I apologized this morning but I feel like I am just tearing away at an already very weakend situation. Dh doesn't really seem to care about much and doesn't seem to actually hear or bother to listen to anything I say. He defends his kids to the end even if they are blatantly wrong. He seems to think that they are so perfect that it is fostering the resentment that is beginning to build in my heart. I am tired of feeling hurt and let down.

Sometimes I just want to run away but when I really think about it, I am not ready to throw in the towel just yet. I do care for this man very much. I was hoping that we would make it for keeps but lately I just wonder which one of us is going to give out first.

I miss alot of the things that I loved about Dh. We used to be able to talk and even though we had our issues, he was willing and I felt good about building a relationship with his kids. I miss the sweet, caring, sincere and funny man that I fell for. Now he just doesn't seem willing anymore and is just shut off completely. Sd and I don't really care for each other much and it is a very stressfull house.

I don't know how it all started to go south. I actually really liked sd at one time and enjoyed our "family." I miss that time. I don't want to feel this way and wish that things were different. I want and need a partner that is my friend too and I can talk to. That Dh isn't here anymore. So here I sit at work, not wanting to go home and wanting to at the same time. I had to call dh today about a work thing and he was less than happy to hear from me and we have not talked since. He just ignores any conflict and acts like all is okay and that we don't matter. I hate being ignored so maybe I will just go work out or something.

~sigh~

Thanks for listening to my pity party.

Georgie